help needed!!! please!

[jp0379]

What is the name of your state? Louisiana

I'm in Louisiana

Heres the story. My ex-wife left myself, our at that time 9 month old son and 3 year old daughter in 1996. I was in a custody fight twice, and won domile parent-status both times, so bascially they have never left my home. She sees them every tuesday and every other weekend.
This past Monday I went to pick them up at school (the prior weekend was her's), and they weren't there. Naturally, I freaked. Long story short, it turns out Friday when she picked up my son he had a bruise on his ear. She asked him where he got it, and he did not know, but said that I had bopped him and said "straighten up" because he had come home Thursday with a pretty bad report card (he's usually a good student, but has been playing around in class lately, and I didn't hit him in the ear!). It should be noted that that evening he was fine, and that night he was fine, and the next morning he was fine. Nothing was observed to be wrong with his ear. She went and got a temporary restraining order, and now they are with her unitl we go to court for the hearing next Monday.
I have never ever had any type of accusation like this before, and she has always been a very vindictive person because, although she left, she has always said it was my fault that we are divorced. The kids REALLY don't like going there, and have asked me on numerous occasions if they can stay home. I have asked her to maybe work something out so the kids don't feel as though they HAVE to go over there, but she has always blown a gasket with me AND hollered at them when they have asked.
My question is this**************....my daughter (13, 14 next month) has a myspace page (which I have access to, of course) which she signs on at least twice a day. She has not been signed onto it since this incident (the 14th), because I found out from her best friend that my ex took my daughters cellphone, and won't let either of the kids sign onto the computer. Anyway, two messages on her myspace page from two of her friends in school say "good luck in your new school" and "I'll miss you". They had a 8th grade ring ceremony this past Friday, so I am thinking they might be referring to when they all graduate this year, but is she able to just change their schooling without notifying me?
It should be noted, as I've seen here many times, that she has never been interested having them live with her because she WANTS them, but she would love to do what she could so that they DON'T live with me.
Thanks for the advice in advance. I am going to naturally call my attorney monday morning, but she is out of town this weekend.

 

[moburkes]

What does your decree say? But, generally, NO she is not allowed to change their schooling without notifying you.

Bring it up in court that none of the teachers noticed this bruising, and you didn't do it, so maybe it occured during the school day.

Good luck.

 

[jp0379]

the tro says that until we go in front the judge Monday a week that she has temp. custody of them, which I understand. She has done a lot of things because, to be honest, she will whatever she can to hurt me since I am the one that filed for divorce (due to infidelity, but thats a different thread topic..LOL), and she pretty much has always believed she can do whatever she wants.
The TRO, naturally, says I can't call them or have anyone else call them, and I want to be sure I do nothing to give her any reason to say I violated it, even though I am broken hearted (as are my kids, according to their friends in school) that she is doing this. Thank you so much for your quick response, you have helped ease my mind a bit.
FYI, a detective from my department (I'm in law enforcement) came and spoke with me (anytime an officer in my department gets a restraining order there is always an in-house investigation, because they don't tolerate that sort of thing, of course), and they deemed it to be unfounded. I also checked with Child Protective Services on my own, and I am not in their computers anywhere, and neither is my son. This is a totally vicious and evil move on her part, but I have seen false accusations of sexual abuse on one parent by another, so I guess I should have known better than to put ANYTHING past a vindictive ex.

 

[BL]

he did not know, but said that I had bopped him and said "straighten up" because he had come home Thursday with a pretty bad report card (he's usually a good student, but has been playing around in class lately, and I didn't hit him in the ear!).

So, where exactly did you bop him ?

 

[peppier]

You didn't say whether you had a lawyer and I'm assuming you do but if you don't get one.

 

[jp0379]

I 'bopped" him on the side of his head, but to clarify, even if I had came in direct contact with his ear, it wouldn't have caused any injury. And, he's a tough kid (i.e. typical boy), and he's come home from school with bruises, a scrape, ect....and when asked how he got it, he says, "I don't know." Typical boy. Although my girl is half tomboy, and does the same thing**************LOL.
I have an attorney, but as I said in the original post, she's out of town this weekend and coming back Sunday night.
Let me also state that, by definition, what I did is not child abuse, nor is it battery (no intent), but bottom line, my kids don't want to go over by her house, my son is afraid of her due to her vocal outbursts and frequent badgering, and my daughter has asked numerous times in the past year if she could "skip" the visitation to her mothers house. I of course said no, because I think thats the "right" thing to do. So much for taking the high road and "doing the right thing", huh?

 

[peppier]

I wasn't accusing you of anything. I 've raised kids, my youngest son went through life multi-colored because he had so many bruises. We counted them a few times and there were always over 30, he was just a tough kid who was always going full throttle.

The reason I am telling you to be proactive is because this same thing happened to my son. He raised his children because the mother was too busy partying, and 6 years later she took them and accused him of child abuse and he wasn't able to get them for almost a year and then precedence had been set. She had a good lawyer who guided her every move. It was a nightmare and you need to fight to get them back in your custody ASAP, don't mess around.

 

[jp0379]

Pep, I'm so sorry if you took anything I said the wrong way, but I know you weren't accusing me of anything. And my big concern right now is the same as its been since they were born.....THEY'RE welfare. I just hurt a lot because THEY are hurting, and although the accusation is ridiculous, its still two weeks of them hurting. THey are both sad, and thats what is killing me. My ex KNOWS that want to be home, and she doesn't care, because this is all about vindictive-type thinking. Sad thing is, she left the kids and I, they have been happy and want to be home, and she "blames" me for that.
I"m just worried about those "i'll miss you" and "good luck at your new school" comments that her friends put up yesterday**************.hopefully i'm just worried about that for nothing, and they only mean because they had their ring ceremony yesterday and talked about going to a new school for high school.

 

[CJane]

He's a tough kid who fears his mother because of vocal outbursts, but isn't afraid of you even though you 'bop' him upside his head for poor grades?

Whatever. If the kid is bruised, and there's no way of knowing whether the 'bop' caused the bruise - you can't possibly know how hard you hit him or how easily bruised his ear is, or what angle you hit him at... were you wearing a ring?

Your 'bop' COULD VERY WELL have caused the bruising.

You're not being punished for 'doing the right thing'. Mom noticed a bruise on the child's head and acted appropriately. Believe me, if I noticed a bruise on my kids - even the boy - and they said "dad popped me in the head'... I'd have done the EXACT thing mom did.

 

[jp0379]

CJane.....I'm sorry for whatever has happened to you in the past that has caused you to have such a negative outlook on things. I wish you really did know what you were talking about, because your insight would be welcome. However, since you are obviously in a place that makes you incapable of looking at things for what they are, and instead have a pre-conceived notion of what they are, I'll just pray that you somehow get through whatever it is that has caused you to be in the "place" you are now.

 

[CJane]

CJane.....sorry for whatever has happened to you that has caused you to have such a pre-disposed attitude. Good luck.

Yeah, you're sorry for 'whatever happened to me' to cause me to think that your ex acted appropriately when picking up a child who was bruised and admitted to her that you hit him upside his head.

You're going to be even sorrier in court.

CJane.....I'm sorry for whatever has happened to you in the past that has caused you to have such a negative outlook on**************..things. I wish you really did know what you were talking about, because your insight would be welcome. However, since you are obviously in a place that makes you incapable of looking at things for what they are, and instead have a preconceived notion of what they are, I'll just pray that you somehow get through whatever it is that has caused you to be in the "place" you are now.

This is a new twist on the 'don't judge me w/out all the facts' defense, isn't it?

You ADMITTED YOU HIT THE KID.
THE KID IS BRUISED.

What conclusion do you suppose the court SHOULD draw?

This isn't a feel good hugs n kisses come up with a workable plan site. This is a legal site. LEGALLY, mom acted 100% appropriately.

I get that you don't like what she did. I wouldn't LIKE it either. But LIKING something that's LEGALLY appropriate isn't necessary.

 

[jp0379]

Cjane, maybe you didn't catch it. He was FINE.....NO INJURY......the night before and the morning of, but that evening when she picked him up from school, he had a bruise on his ear. Secondly, I didn't TOUCH his ear.
Do THOSE facts make a difference? I doubt it, because as is evident from your response, you have issues. And thats NOT meant to offend you. Lord KNOWS what you have been through.
ALSO**************.since you bring up "legal", LEGALLY, the defintion of abuse is not if you slap your kid in the mouth and his cheek winds up with a mark on it. Child abuse is defined as "Current law defines abuse as any physical injury, sexual abuse, or emotional abuse inflicted on a child other than by accidental means and not including spanking when administered in a reasonable manner." Also, a "battery" is only comitted with INTENT to harm, which also doesn't fit this incident. As I said, the most important thing to consider (or ignore, maybe, in your case) is that he was FINE when we dropped him off at court. Add to that the past 8 years, and you would understand what this is about. My basic question, by the way, was if she can take the kids out of school. As I said, I am and have been the domicilary parent since day one.
Sorry if you don't WANT to believe the facts, but as I said, I have NO idea what you have been through, but maybe try and remind yourself EVERYONE isn't the same as whoever caused you to be as you are now.

 

[CJane]

Cjane, maybe you didn't catch it. He was FINE.....NO INJURY......the night before and the morning of, but that evening when she picked him up from school, he had a bruise on his ear. Secondly, I didn't TOUCH his ear.
Do THOSE facts make a difference?

They may make a difference in COURT, if you can PROVE that he was fine... and if you get the chance to present that proof.

But you're going to walk into court with a judge who's already been told that the child WAS, in fact injured and was BRUISED on his HEAD and who claims YOU 'bopped him'.

So again, MOM ACTED APPROPRIATELY. SHE doesn't know that the child was 'fine' the night before or the day of. She knows ONLY that when she picked up the child, he was bruised and he said "Dad hit me".

What would YOU have done in her shoes?

That's what you're not getting. My responses have NOTHING to do with ANYTHING in MY life. I've never had ANYONE lay a hand on me. Ever. Not even a parent when I was a kid.

I doubt it, because as is evident from your response, you have issues. And thats NOT meant to offend you. Lord KNOWS what you have been through.

You cannot offend me.

But I will promise you this. You walk into that hearing with your 'mom sucks' attitude and your 'the kids are afraid of her because she yells a lot' claims, and then ADMIT YOU HIT YOUR CHILD, it's not going to go as well for you as you imagine.

 

[CJane]

Bound and determined to be self-righteous, aren't you?

Go you.

Mom CAN, in fact remove them from school if/when she's awarded custody because the court finds reason to believe you injured your child. Because then she'll have custody.

If the restraining order is extended for 12 months as is the norm, then it's also likely that the children will be allowed to change to the school in Mom's district as they will no longer be living in your home.

It's also possible that Mom won't win her case. But going in there and quoting definitions of abuse in an attempt to mitigate your admissions of hitting your child in the head isn't going to help you either.

 

[jp0379]

CJane...I'M being self-righteous? LOL. Nah, just not going to admit to something I didn't do. OH, and in case you missed this too, my own department had a Personal Violence detective investigate it, and I've been exonerated. Child Services also chose not to open a file on it. Its also a TRO, which is a Temporary Restraining Order**************...in other words, someone made a claim that something happened. Maybe this is hard for you to believe, but some ex-spouses are very bitter and will do anything to hurt their ex's, and if that means through the kids, they have no problem doing it. Women and men do this, and I was a juvenile detective for 10 years**************....trust me, people will claim a LOT of things in order to hurt the other party.
Also, again using facts, I NEVER said your pre-conceived notions are because u were hit. Secondly, each response displays an obvious "issue" that you need to deal with. Lastly, AGAIN, facts mean nothing to you, except those you "pick", and its VERY revealing which facts you choose to "ignore" (as well as kinda making it obvoius what your problem is).
I'm not going to respond again to you, so have the last word. I want what is best for my kids, and that is to be HOME, even if you refuse to accept that. I feel sorry for you. Honestly.
And you really, really need to find a place for that chip on your shoulder. I hope you do.

*added: CJane, I just researched your posts a bit.....I get it now. Sorry for what you HAVE been through, and now i understand why you look at things as you do. However, you might want to speak to someone so that you don't allow your past to ruin your future. PEACE!