Help! out of control teen in California

[stew]

HELLO BETH,
THOUGHT I WOULD CHECK IN TO SEE HOW YOU AND YOUR SON ARE HOLDING UP. I FOUND A WEB SITE THAT YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT, CROSSWALK.COM YOU HAVE A GOOD CHANCE OF FINDING YOUR ANSWER THERE. ATLEAST YOU WILL FEEL KINDNESS AND FRIENDSHIP WHILE YOU SEARCH. DON'T GIVE UP IN THIS AREA IT HAS THE ANSWER. JUST BE CAREFULL AND KNOW THAT THIER IS ALSO BAD ADVICE OUT THERE. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Beth2:
Thank you once again for the suggestions! I will check into the website. I pray for my son several times a day. I know that God is there and has a plan even if I am not aware of what it is. I have been frustrated at times waiting for an answer, what I wouldn't do for a burning bush! Oddly enough, he actually met this group of boys at a church youth program! Imagine my disapointment. I thought I was stearing him in the right direction... As to the other suggestion, I briefly considered calling a talk show, but after watching several of them it just felt wrong. In my heart I felt that it was abusive. Who knows? I may get that desperate. But for now I would like to exhaust any and all other options. Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you, all of you, for taking the time to post suggestions. Beth<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

 

[njc]

Beth it all depends on the level you want to seek help. If you contact the local juvenile services and report that your son is out of control, in most states they will step in. Running away is most times enough. Because you are correct in that YOU can be held liable for your SON'S actions. If he does commit a crime, many states insist the parents pay the restitution. Also once juvenile services is involved he can be court ordered to counseling. Then he won't have a choice but to face a judge again if he doesn't cooperate. Maybe you could tell him that if he doesn't change his behavior you will have no choice but to ask the law to step in. Don't threaten, just state the fact. Let him know exactly what will happen if he doesn't go to school or runs away again. Then stick to it. Make the call. Good luck Beth. I've seen many moms in your shoes and I know you are going thru difficult times. *n*

 

[Georgia Beckman]

ear Wit's End--
I have 4 teenagers, ranging from age 13 to 18. Our oldest son, 18, started experimenting with drugs & alcohol in the 7th grade. It was worse than any war I've ever heard about. He was out of control & we were losing the battle. We finally pushed him into the legal system. Basically, everytime he came home drunk, we either took him in for a breathalyzer test or called them to our house. If we found paraphernalia, we gave it to the police. Eventually we had our court appearances. Up to the first appearance, he was still mr tough guy. He wasn't going to budge. Up to the second court appearance, he was mr tough guy....didn't budge. On our 3rd court appearance, with our input, the judge put our son in the department of corrections for the maximum time allowed for a minor consuming alcohol; 30 days. He was also given a 2 year probation sentence. Some of the terms of his probation were: no drinking, no smoking, random drug tests, alcohol & drug rehabilitation, get back in school AND graduate, community service, 7 a.m. - 7 p.m curfew, no overnighters with friends, no leaving town without permission from the probation officer. We also put him into a juvenile program sponsored by Catholic Social Services (we are Protestant but they are there to help all). They assigned him a mentor that spent at least 4 hours a week with him. They also sent him on a 30 day "camping trip" in the Rockies. It was part of their youth intervention program. This was to build character & self esteem. It was the most amazing thing! Our son came home with a new found respect for us, for himself, for life! He accepted responsibility for his actions. He learned that YOU are responsible for who & what you become & there are NO excuses for not becoming a productive citizen Our son had been on the run for 3 weeks at one point. Don't give up........push for help. The law can help you......it was the only thing our son would listen to when he was forced to. My e-mail is here if you need an ear. GOOD LUCK!

 

[Georgia Beckman]

You might check into Lincoln's Challenge. It is not a military school, but a "boot camp" type environment. Teenagers must be drug free & a high school drop out. They will earn their GED & valuable life skills while on site for 5 or 6 mos. After that, they are still part of the program for 12 months, this includes time spent with a mentor in your community. The program follows through with it's graduates to help them succeed. TOLL FREE #: 800-851-2166 THIS PROGRAM IS COMPLETELY FREE.........NO STRINGS ATTACHED


[This message has been edited by Georgia Beckman (edited September 12, 2000).]

 

[innocentgirl86]

I don't know what all your state has, but I know where I live they have CHIPS petition children in need of protection and services. A few years ago I was put under CHIPS. I'd run away from home and my mom called the cops. Once I was found I was taken into custody, went to court, and because of a couple underages and then running away a few times the state decided to take over custody of me. They put me on that until I was 18, I got locked up in all different detention centers, and my mom never paid for one penny. So if you can't afford to have him locked up yourself, call social services. I'm sure they have something similar to that. And he will thank you later on for helping him!