What is the name of your state? Texas. My 86 yr old mother was diagnosed with dementia 3 yrs ago. Since January of this year my stepfather has talked her into turning all of their assets ($500,000) into cash, which they have hidden in a bank. They recently made me the alternate agent for her Medical POA w/ my stepfather as primary agent who also has POA over everything else. Who is responsible for the finances should she have to be put in a convelenscent home? The document states he, as primary agent, can refuse to act, which would make me make the decision to commit her. There's no love lost between my stepfather and me so I'm beginning to smell a rat here. Help.
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Help w/Med POA
- Thread starter dhark1
- Start date
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If your mother has been diagnosed with dementia 3 years ago, she cannot make you her alternate MPOA. She, not they, is the only one who can do that and she cannot due to her dementia. Therefore, your RECENT designation as her MPOA alternate agent is not valid.
The person that signs the contract making him/her the guarantor or your mother should the DPOA (Durable Power of Attorney) sign the contract not making the DPOA responsible but pays the bill on behalf of your mother with your mother's money.
You do not understand the document. Refusing to act means that your mother's husband does not want to make medical decisions for her at all.
Thanks for the reply.
What a relief. I did understand the document as far as her husband did not want to act; the document clearly states that the alternate would step in and act instead of him. It's becoming clear that what he plans to do is to commit her to a home and then go into assisted living himself, but he seems to be trying to show he has no money to pay for her care. I was concerned that if I made the decision to put her in a hospice situation, that the financial burden would fall on whomever made the decision and he would get to keep the half a million for himself alone. It's not that I don't want to pay; I just don't want him to get away with expoiting her for his own gain when they have the money in cash. Thanks again - your answer was just what I wanted to hear.
What a relief. I did understand the document as far as her husband did not want to act; the document clearly states that the alternate would step in and act instead of him. It's becoming clear that what he plans to do is to commit her to a home and then go into assisted living himself, but he seems to be trying to show he has no money to pay for her care. I was concerned that if I made the decision to put her in a hospice situation, that the financial burden would fall on whomever made the decision and he would get to keep the half a million for himself alone. It's not that I don't want to pay; I just don't want him to get away with expoiting her for his own gain when they have the money in cash. Thanks again - your answer was just what I wanted to hear.
Two more questions.
My mother's attorney knows she has been diagnosed with dementia and he also knows that the stock she and my stepfather both have willed to her grandchildren has been sold and turned into cash. Should I file a complaint with the Texas Lawyers Assoc regarding this or just let that go? And because she was not allowed to sign her last will, does the will she had in place prior to her diagnosis become the will that they acknowledge. I'm concerned about this part because if he dies first I would imagine that we should contest his will because of the stock mentioned and the fact that his son (stepbrother) is the executor of his will. Messy situation. I might add that the stock was totally in her name for over 55 years and she received it because my father was killed on the job while working for the company who gave her the stock. In other words, my stepfather had nothing to do with the stock before he talked her into turning it into cash.
My mother's attorney knows she has been diagnosed with dementia and he also knows that the stock she and my stepfather both have willed to her grandchildren has been sold and turned into cash. Should I file a complaint with the Texas Lawyers Assoc regarding this or just let that go? And because she was not allowed to sign her last will, does the will she had in place prior to her diagnosis become the will that they acknowledge. I'm concerned about this part because if he dies first I would imagine that we should contest his will because of the stock mentioned and the fact that his son (stepbrother) is the executor of his will. Messy situation. I might add that the stock was totally in her name for over 55 years and she received it because my father was killed on the job while working for the company who gave her the stock. In other words, my stepfather had nothing to do with the stock before he talked her into turning it into cash.
dhark1,
I would like to ask you some questions regarding this mess. The answers will assist me in pointing you in the right direction. Then, I will also address the above post as well.
How long has your mother been married to her current husband?
What is their relationship like now? You and he don't get along; however, how do they? Does her husband still care for her and love her?
How old is your mother's husband? Do you know what is his current physical and mental status?
Do you know of any good reason that your mother's husband won't get a suite at an assisted living facility (ALF) with your mother (such as skilled nursing care beyond what ALF's provide)? When the time comes for your mother to be enrolled in Hospice, Hospice does go to ALFs.
Did your mother sign the second will or did that attorney refuse to allow her to sign it?
Do you know if the liquidated assests are in joint accounts with your mother as co-owner and if these accounts have a beneficiary payable on death (POD)? If I'm not mistaken, Texas is a community property state.
I would like to ask you some questions regarding this mess. The answers will assist me in pointing you in the right direction. Then, I will also address the above post as well.
How long has your mother been married to her current husband?
What is their relationship like now? You and he don't get along; however, how do they? Does her husband still care for her and love her?
How old is your mother's husband? Do you know what is his current physical and mental status?
Do you know of any good reason that your mother's husband won't get a suite at an assisted living facility (ALF) with your mother (such as skilled nursing care beyond what ALF's provide)? When the time comes for your mother to be enrolled in Hospice, Hospice does go to ALFs.
Did your mother sign the second will or did that attorney refuse to allow her to sign it?
Do you know if the liquidated assests are in joint accounts with your mother as co-owner and if these accounts have a beneficiary payable on death (POD)? If I'm not mistaken, Texas is a community property state.
more info
Their relationship is good and they do care for each other. I might add that I know they have done nothing illegal and they can do what they want with their money; I'm just concerned about what happens should one or both of them die (they are still driving, which is another story - neither should be). He is 85 and his physical condition is not really very good; he has diabetes and is in a wheelchair although he can walk. He fakes mental problems when he doesn't want to answer a question. We were going through their financial papers, at their request, to shred/keep documents and I asked him about a $300,000 withdrawal from Am Exp, and he said "I don't know anything about that", but later I was talking to my mother on the phone and the subject came up about the withdrawal and when she repeated the amount, I heard him in the background say "don't tell her where it is." Re: ALF - he wanted to go into ALF, but my mother refuses to pay for it so that's when he told me he might have to put her in a home soon. I do not know for sure if her lawyers allowed her to sign the latest will, but I suspect they did not. They are very secretive about their bank accts but I do know they are joint accts, but I do not know if there is a named beneficiary - I suspect not. My mother told me that their financial adviser begged them not to do what they did, but they did it anyway - I talked to the financial adviser and she told me that my mother had no idea what was going on, but she still had to comply with their wishes. My stepfather does not really get along with his two sons well enough for me to be concerned about him giving them the cash before his death; I'm more concerned about what happens should one or both of them die. If he dies first, I'm not sure my mother would even know where they put the money. Financially, I'm fine, but am concerned about her grandkids and that they receive what she wanted them to have.
Their relationship is good and they do care for each other. I might add that I know they have done nothing illegal and they can do what they want with their money; I'm just concerned about what happens should one or both of them die (they are still driving, which is another story - neither should be). He is 85 and his physical condition is not really very good; he has diabetes and is in a wheelchair although he can walk. He fakes mental problems when he doesn't want to answer a question. We were going through their financial papers, at their request, to shred/keep documents and I asked him about a $300,000 withdrawal from Am Exp, and he said "I don't know anything about that", but later I was talking to my mother on the phone and the subject came up about the withdrawal and when she repeated the amount, I heard him in the background say "don't tell her where it is." Re: ALF - he wanted to go into ALF, but my mother refuses to pay for it so that's when he told me he might have to put her in a home soon. I do not know for sure if her lawyers allowed her to sign the latest will, but I suspect they did not. They are very secretive about their bank accts but I do know they are joint accts, but I do not know if there is a named beneficiary - I suspect not. My mother told me that their financial adviser begged them not to do what they did, but they did it anyway - I talked to the financial adviser and she told me that my mother had no idea what was going on, but she still had to comply with their wishes. My stepfather does not really get along with his two sons well enough for me to be concerned about him giving them the cash before his death; I'm more concerned about what happens should one or both of them die. If he dies first, I'm not sure my mother would even know where they put the money. Financially, I'm fine, but am concerned about her grandkids and that they receive what she wanted them to have.
Thank you for the information. If your mother's husband dies first, immediately get an Elder Law lawyer who can freeze the bank accounts and petition for you to be guardian/conservator over your mother. This attorney can also assist you with any contesting of your mother's estate should your mother pass before her husband.
Most people do not like to disclose their financial affairs, and men do tend to have selective hearing. In addition, elders do talk in "elder code" - it's just what they do.
Your mother and her husband both should be together in an Assisted Living facility in a suite that has a living room, bedroom, and bathroom - using their money to provide for their care, even if their care takes up all of it. This is what would be best for them. It's just a matter of convincing them so, and that, to me, is the biggest obstacle here. Some ALFs even have skilled nursing wings and locked wings for those residents that wonder off due to their dementia.
Perhaps you could go look at some ALFs (ones that can do extended congregate care) and talk with them both about how they could both be together there and enjoy the rest of the time they have together without having to worry about all the upkeep and daily chores it takes for activities of daily living.
Lastly, read your state statutes regarding Advanced Directives. You will find valuable information there.
Most people do not like to disclose their financial affairs, and men do tend to have selective hearing. In addition, elders do talk in "elder code" - it's just what they do.
Your mother and her husband both should be together in an Assisted Living facility in a suite that has a living room, bedroom, and bathroom - using their money to provide for their care, even if their care takes up all of it. This is what would be best for them. It's just a matter of convincing them so, and that, to me, is the biggest obstacle here. Some ALFs even have skilled nursing wings and locked wings for those residents that wonder off due to their dementia.
Perhaps you could go look at some ALFs (ones that can do extended congregate care) and talk with them both about how they could both be together there and enjoy the rest of the time they have together without having to worry about all the upkeep and daily chores it takes for activities of daily living.
Lastly, read your state statutes regarding Advanced Directives. You will find valuable information there.
Thanks, BlondiePB
Your help is most appreciated and you've given me valuable information. I really thank you from the bottom of my heart for this. I will probably be back with more information as time goes on. Keep up the good work - your experience is certainly needed by all of us.
Your help is most appreciated and you've given me valuable information. I really thank you from the bottom of my heart for this. I will probably be back with more information as time goes on. Keep up the good work - your experience is certainly needed by all of us.
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