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A

AloneInCali

Guest
I need help fast. I am in california. My ex has visitation on Tuesdays from 4:00pm to 7:00pm and Saturdays from 10:00am to 4:00pm. (Not original hours, he changed them) Well, last Saturday our 4 yr old did not want to go with his dad. I have much guilt with this, I talked him into going. It took 15 minutes to do this. At first I thought our son was just playing around. But soon realized he wasn't. Now today, I took him again for his visit with his dad. Once again he said he didn't want to go. I asked him why and all he said was he wanted to go with me. I tried speaking to the little one, telling him his dad was going to take him to his favorite play place. That did not work. He just kept saying I want you to take me mommy. I finally carried him from my car and gave him to his dad. Once again, I thought our son was kidding. But, when his dad tried to put him in his car the little one held on to the door frame and started crying. My ex put him down not so nicely, slammed his car door and got in his car. Our son came running to my car asking to go with me. I instanely put him in my car and went to speak to my ex. I said to him why all of a sudden did the little one not want to go with him. What was going on?? He said that the little one hates leaving him and I must be saying something to our son to make him not want to go with him. He then started his car and said to me I was going to pay for this. I must tell you I have never said a thing nor anyone I know said a bad thing about my ex to our son. I want my son when he is old enough to realize what his dad is. I feel so much guilt putting our son through that today. It breaks my heart. But I am so scared for my little one. What could be happening to make our son not want to go with his dad?? I ask him but he just says he doesn't want too. Now in the past he has said he hasn't wanted to go but then changes his mind. But now he is crying not to go. What can I do?? Can the courts force our son to see his father??? I do not want this to happen because I am just setting our son up for years of counseling. Also, our son was having a problem going poo poo in his pants. refusing to use the pooty. Well, I got a bit firm with him. Started taking him to the pooty and sitting with him until he went. Also made a promise to him ever time he went poo poo in the pooty he would get a star and after collecting 3 stars would get a car. He was so excited. He went every time to the pooty. He even used the pooty at school. Then bang, one day with his dad and he is back to where he was before not wanting to use the pooty, going in his pants. I ask him why and he just gets upset and says he just doesn't want to use it. My son is my whole life (which his dad told me last week he felt sorry for me feeling this way) I love him so much and only want the best. If he enjoyed seeing his dad I set aside my feelings to make sure he saw his dad. My feelings about my ex were just that, my feelings. I want my son to have his father in his life, but not if something is going on. How can I find out what's going on when I am not around???? HELP ME.
 


stealth2

Under the Radar Member
The court's not likely to let your son decide whether or not he wants to go see his Dad. And if you don't send him - make him go if you must - your ex can file to have you found in contempt and will likely win.

That being said... absent any evidence to the contrary, to me it sounds very much like typical behavior. All kids go through phases of preferring one parent over the other. I don't think you need to start worrying about counseling, etc quite yet.

One thing that stands out, tho is your comment about your feelings about his dad being your feelings. I'm betting that your son may be sensing some of those feelings and reacting to them. Not saying you say anything to him, but little ones are very perceptive and I'm sure he senses that you're not Dad's biggest fan. Something to consider.

Good luck - none of us like to see the kiddos upset.
 
K

KCMR

Guest
I think you son is sensing your upset. If the child thinks you are upset/ sad when he is away... it going to cause him huge upset too. Don't make the situation too dramatic. He needs to get use to this because it is going to be this way for the rest of his childhood life.

He will be fine. Don't pamper him when it is time to go. Tell him flatly you are going to go with your dad, I will see you on (?)and explain to him that his dad does miss him, and needs to see him too.
My son didn't want to leave me before either...it happens all the time. It is your responsibility to get him out of this behavior.
 
A

AloneInCali

Guest
I don't have any feelings any which way about my ex. I do not hate him, I do not really think about him. I have a life and I live it. It seems to me that my ex has a problem with me. When I drop off our son he just stands there looking away and I myself feel his anger. Please do not get me wrong I am not perfect. I do the best I can. My ex has alot of issues that I don't think he is getting help with. I want the best for my son and I have bent over backwards to see that he sees his dad. I have excepted day changes to suit my ex. I have given him extra days not in the court order. He was to have his son all day on the 4th of July. From 12:00pm to 9:30pm, per his request in court. Well, because he had other plans he told me he wanted to drop our son off with me at 5:00pm. He was to have our son on his birthday. Also per his request in court. He did not take him. I feel that my son has not really bonded with his dad. I have tried to get my ex to show more interest in our son. He can take me to court if he wants to and yes he may win, but he is the one who says take him he doesn't want to go. It has been his choice. Did any of you think that maybe something is wrong. Maybe his dad is not treating him right?? A child his age is not stupid. There is a reason why is doesn't want to go with his dad. I want to work this out but his dad won't with me. So all I can do is work with what I feel. I maybe wrong but I need to protect my son even if it is his dad. I believe there are alot of women who wish they had also. How many dads and moms also have hurt their own child. How many children have been killed by their own parents. There was a high speed chase here many years ago. A father took his own 3 yr.old and ran from the police. He got as far as the Mexican boarder. He got out of the car holding his son with a knife to the childs neck. They sprayed pepper spray at the dad to arrest him but instead he throw his son and ran.
 

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