help

[worriedsis]

What is the name of your state?Texas
Where do I begin? My baby sister (who's 25) is 19wks pregnant. The baby's father has severe issues. He is 33 yrs old, job history sketchy at best, has had a problem with meth. for the last 8 years. My mom and I became concerned about the relationship when my sister began withdrawing from her friends and family, dropped everything to answer his calls (sometimes 15 or more in a day). So, we did what anyone would do and confronted her. At the time we had no idea of the drug use. We told her we felt like she was in an abusive relationship, perhaps not physical, but atleast emotional. I presented my portfolio of findings (courtesy of the internet of course) She showed 15 of the 19 signs listed on a "How to tell if you are in an abusive relationship" quiz (for lack of a better word). That day we had a break through, that is when she told us of his addiction, he had seriously convinced her that she was brought into his life to save him!! She told us she was scared to end it and was simply praying that he would go away. She was ready to move, change her name, and leave her company if need be. He had told her that if he were picked up by the police for the drugs, that he would know it was a set up from her and that " would be a bad idea, because of all the people I know". I would like to believe that he was just talking trash, but I am not certain. Not two weeks later she called me out of the blue and wanted to bring him to my son's birthday party, uh NOOO! He was trying to turn his life around and needed her as his support system. That was 3 1/2 months ago. Here we are today, she's pregnant, he has nothing to do with her except to harrass her about the baby.
My question is this, does she have to put his name on the birth certificate? I do not believe he would pursue tha court for dna testing, given his extracurricular activities, plus he is trying stay out of the radar of the IRS. But how does she get him to really go away and leave her and the baby alone, which thankfully is what she wants. She is afraid of him, I have suggested that she get a restraining order, but she seems afraid to do that. Is there anyway we can protect her? I can't tell you how many nights I have been terrified because she didn't answer her phone, flying across town to check in on her, unsure of what I might see, only to find out she was asleep(thankfully). I am not sure how much more my heart can take.

 

[Jones25]

TX Sounds alot like my EX,ewwww.I filed for a restraining order in hopes he'd get it threw his thick scull i was done.This inraged him.The phone calls soon stopped and started showing himself.Public places and only at times i would be out alone.Noone to confirm his violation for me.I made the choice to continue reporting him because i wanted it to be known if something was to happen to me he'd never get custody of our child.I wanted to keep providing evidence that could be used against him.I was not permitted to put his name on the birth certificate because we were not married.Thank God for that.Because of his inability to be stable and drug abuse he soon found himself occupied.The drug problem took over and I nolonger was the focus of his day.

 

[worriedsis]

Thank you for your reply. I am sorry you had to go through something similar though. You have given me a bit of hope that maybe he will just go away. This is supposed to be a joyous time for sis and everyone, but we are all so anxious it's hard feel the joy right now. I have talked her into moving back home with our parents, as much for her safety as it is for our peace. She isn't too wild about the idea, but has agreed that it makes more sense, he is less likely to come over there at 2am banging on the door.

 

[VeronicaGia]

You're so worried about protecting your sister, but she is obligated to protect herself! Why is she having and keeping this child? This child has a father, the father is a loser and so is your sister for having a child with him. The child has the right to know his father whether your sister likes it or not.

He can petition the court at any time after the baby is born and demand a DNA test. If she ever collects any type of government services, she will be force to name a father and the court will force both of them to have a DNA test.

Your sister can't take proper care of herself, what you should be worried about is the innocent child she will likely take even worse care of.

Even if she gets a restraining order on him, it will only be to restrain him from seeing her, not the child. Since your sister decided to put up with his meth problem for 8 years, her whining won't do much good in court. She apparently had no problem with it all this time, but now wants to deny a child his right to a father, and a father his right to the child.

 

[worriedsis]

My apologies, I should have clarified this in my original post. My sister met him 1 year ago, shortly into the relationship she found out about his drug use, but only after she told him of a recent family tragedy. Our aunt suffered a hemoragic(?) stroke in November of 2003 and was in a coma for 3 weeks before she past away. What our family did not know was that she had been using meth for about two years which contributed to the stroke. It shook our entire family to the core. Behaviors that we had ignored or excused now made sense. We all felt guilty that we didn't recognize she was in trouble. We felt like we could and should have helped her. Before my aunt died, my sister would run guys off for petty little things. She almost broke up with a guy because he had smoked pot in college! This woman that I see today and the sister I have known are completely different. She has said that it was the guilt of not being able to help our aunt that initially kept her in the relationship with this man, and from there it steamrolled. She can, does, and has taken care of herself for quite some time now. I was the one who wanted her to move home. Her safety and well being and that of the child are my number one concern.