heres one for you stealth2

[love4three]

What is the name of your state? Iowa
My question for stealth2 is, does every state seperate visitation and child support or is it just select states?

 

[stealth2]

Why do I get the feeling this is a trick question? To the best of my knowledge, support and visitation are two separate issues in every state. Exceptions may be made based on a judge's discretion and the individual facts of a case.

 

[love4three]

It is not quite a trick question. My x has tried 3 times to give up parental rights because he had to pay child support, has quit a job, and tried filing bankruptcy. The judge that 3 years ago denied his visitation until he completed a program for sexual abuse and on the same day signed the origional order for child support, last week gave him supervised visitation (his wife is the supervisor) because he was paying child support. Even though the aforementioned situations have occured. I would also like to say thank you for answering my post.

 

[love4three]

I would also like to add that when we went to court the judge refused to listen to any witnesses including the department of human services he did not take into account that the sexual abuse occured in the household of the woman who is the wife and supervisor of my x. He is allowing them to come and pick up the children from my house for 5 hours on sat and five hours on sun for visitation. Do I have any chance of changing the situation without taking this all to the supreme court of Iowa? The judge set up another court date in march to review how the visitation is going but if his wife is supervisor they can say it is going great and put my children in danger even more, by getting visitation extended.

 

[ellencee]

love4three
Why not ask for a volunteer guardian ad litem for the children? That way, the children have a person that is only interested in them.

How old are the children?

EC

 

[love4three]

I am not sure if my lawyer is on the take or not because my lawyer refused to ask for a gal for the children. I doubt the judge would have agreed to that anyway he refused every arguement my lawyer threw at him for anything. The judge even refused to come out of his office until the end to explaine what he had decided. I had even suggested that the childrens regular babysitter be the supervisor and I would pay for the time and that was a no go. The judge just wanted to go he had other plans for the day. The children are 11, 9, and 8, I have heard the arguement that if he tries anything with them they are old enough to tell but besides what he has allready done to my daughter when she was very young he has been accused two other times one was with an 11 year old and one was with a 12 year old.

 

[ellencee]

love4three
There is safety in numbers, so the children should remain together. That's the only way supervision will work, anyway. They have to be together.

Give the older one a cell phone and have the child keep it turned on. If any abusive behavior starts, the child can call 911. Do not call the children on the phone or allow them to use it for anything but calling the police for help.

I know it will be difficult, but do not scare these children with questions after visitation or 'drills' before visitation.

Unfortunately, the judge has chosen to ignore proven statistics that sexual abusers and sex addicts are the least likely to ever achieve any degree of recovery. Hopefully, the father and his wife are sufficiently fearful of the consequences.

Have the children routinely seen by their personal physician and ask the physician to be particularly observant for any signs of sexual abuse. Do the latter in complete confidence with the physician and do not let the children know that you and the physician have spoken.

Best wishes,
EC

 

[love4three]

Thank you ellencee for your help. I will do all you suggested, and I have taken the Children in the middle course so I am sure how to handle my own insecurities about all of this. The Judge did schedule another court date in march for review, I am crossing my fingers that we have another judge. The county that all of this is taking place in does not have their own judges, the district judges take turns sitting on the bench there. In the last eight years we have had 4 or 5 different judges. I have also gotton a new lawyer since my first one is retiring before then. From everything I have heard the new lawyer is Very Very good. Maybe I will get the chance to state my case the next time, although I am praying nothing happens to the children before then. Have a good day hope its full of smiles