Hints for court appearances

[seniorjudge]

Here are some hints on appearing in court:

Dress professionally in clean clothes.

Do not wear message shirts.

Don't chew gum, smoke, or eat.

Bathe and wash your hair.

Go to court beforehand some day before you actually have to go to watch how things go.

Speak politely and deferentially. If you argue or dispute something, do it professionally and without emotion.

Ask the court clerk who you talk to about a diversion (meaning you want to plead to a different, lesser charge), if applicable in your situation.


Here are five stories that criminal court judges hear the most (and I suggest you do not use them or variations of them):

1. I’ve been saved! (This is not religion specific; folks from all kinds of religious backgrounds use this one.)

2. My girlfriend/mother/sister/daughter is pregnant/sick/dying/dead/crippled and needs my help.

3. I’ve got a job in [name a state five hundred miles away].

4. This is the first time I ever did this.

5. You’ve got the wrong guy. (A variation of this one is the phantom defendant story: “It wasn’t me driving, it was a hitchhiker I picked up. He wrecked the car, drug me behind the wheel then took off.”)

 

[K9Protector]

Your help was suggested

Seniorjudge... Someone suggested that since you are from MO, that perhaps you may have insight into my situation....

I am posted under Real Estate Law - Neighbors and Boundaries

The thread is https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=224653

I appreciate your help. I am sorry to contact you through your thread but it said you do not accept emails directly.

Thanks
K9Protector

 

[soreal]

good tips, thanks for the info.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Michael Jackson apparently never read this and the judge is not amused at Jackson failing to appear at court, faining illness and arriving in his Jammies
http://www.courttv.com/trials/jackson/031005_ctv.html
Today his accuser was to testify.
Think the defendent is in contempt?

 

[seniorjudge]

I did, in fact, send this to Jacko and he told me to beat it.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I did, in fact, send this to Jacko and he told me to beat it.

Beat what?

 

[ENASNI]

Yo!

Keep it on the Real Estate Forum You Two!!!



And Doc... I am hurt... You know how I feel about Da Judge.

 

[seniorjudge]

Keep it on the Real Estate Forum You Two!!!



And Doc... I am hurt... You know how I feel about Da Judge.

If you do not stop (both of y'all) with the suggestive posts, I will report you for stalking.

I am giving you five years to stop. Not a day longer.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

If you do not stop (both of y'all) with the suggestive posts, I will report you for stalking.

I am giving you five years to stop. Not a day longer.

Judgy, I mean your honor,
I only sought clarification
Well by way of an update the Judge placed Jacko under arrest and revoked his bail because he was late to court and showed up in his jammies but later relented
Insofar as 5 five years?
Can there be a plea bargin? Maybe a deferred sentence or perversion, I mean, diversion program? I wasn't stalking, I only thought Jacko could use some of your learned wisdom.

 

[BlondiePB]

From The Tonight Show

Michael Jackson apparently never read this and the judge is not amused at Jackson failing to appear at court, faining illness and arriving in his Jammies
http://www.courttv.com/trials/jackson/031005_ctv.html
Today his accuser was to testify.
Think the defendent is in contempt?

Q. When does Michael Jackson go to bed?

A. When the big hand covers the little hand.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Q. When does Michael Jackson go to bed?

A. When the big hand covers the little hand.

And if the glove fits, you must convict!

 

[You Are Guilty]

Did you hear the latest? CNN is reporting that Michael wasn't really at the hospital -- he had rushed to the local Walmart instead. Apparently, someone told him that boys' pants were half-off there.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Did you hear the latest? CNN is reporting that Michael wasn't really at the hospital -- he had rushed to the local Walmart instead. Apparently, someone told him that boys' pants were half-off there.

And since he and the jury are off today he's planning on going to K-Mart for blue light specials in the kiddy department and clean sheets in the Martha Stewart Living department, he was heard to remark "It's really very sweet" and "It's a Good Thing" as he moonwalked through the asiles.

 

[ENASNI]

Hey!

Leave Michael Alone now!

Its that time of the month and the hormones can be hell!

 

[BlondiePB]

Alone is exactly how Michael should be left!


YAG, that was really funny.