Home daycare?

[aliachase2007]

What is the name of your state? TX
My daughters father and I share joint custody and I have primary custody.
We are both to be able to on medical/school forms as contact personal and as her other parents. Sorry I dont have the exact wording, I dont have the order in front of me and I couldn't pull it up online. He gets her 1, 3, 5 weekends and certain holidays. Since he moved closer he has her on Thursdays for 2 hrs.

She has been talking about going to school at her fathers house; since the end of last yr around the holidays. I understand shes young and has a vivid imagination and I've brought this up to her father before to have him deny having her in a daycare (since her has her only on weekends). Then he had let it slip in Feb how in Dec when he had her over Christmas break he had put her in day care. Which is understandable, but he never told me about it and so I'm not sure if I was put on as a parent or an emergency contact. She also told me how "mommy and daddy" pick her up from school. I confronted him about that, he denied she called his wife mommy, and since then shes been very careful not to call her mommy around me. Not that I was angry at her, but when she came home from his house she was very careful not to call her mommy.

She has continued to talk about school, her friends and teacher since then though non stop. At first I just thought that it was because she was remembering them, but shes telling me new things they do, about how her teacher just had a baby and how a girl at school tore up her Scooby Doo stickers. They don't go to Church, so shes not talking about Sundy school. TOday in the car she was telling me about school and how her teacher (not the one who had the baby) gets mad at the kids when they don't go to sleep and spanks them hard. She told me she spanks her (my daughter) really hard and gets really mad at her.

I'm at a lose as to what to do. I've asked her dad before is he puts her in daycare, to be told no. I believe her when she tells me shes going because shes so detailed, Describes her friends, teachers and everything. If he is putting her in daycare and hasn't told me that is against the court order. PLUS our daughter is telling me this lady is spanking her which is a HUGE no-no. No one should be able to touch someone else's child. I don't even spank her.

Is there a way to find out who this lady is. Our daughter tells me her last name but as far as spelling (tree can spelled alot of different ways, I googled it in his city and I've gotten abunch) But can't find any with a registered inhome daycare.

thanks!!

 

[justalayman]

for some reason I am missing where dad is not allowed to place her in daycare and where you have the right to demand knowledge of it.

I also saw nothing that required you to be put on as a contact or emergency number. It would be prudent to do so but I saw no requirement for it in your posting.

as to corporal punishment; as long as it is legal in your state, as long as dad has control of his daughter, he can allow it.

 

[aliachase2007]

for some reason I am missing where dad is not allowed to place her in daycare and where you have the right to demand knowledge of it.

I also saw nothing that required you to be put on as a contact or emergency number. It would be prudent to do so but I saw no requirement for it in your posting.

as to corporal punishment; as long as it is legal in your state, as long as dad has control of his daughter, he can allow it.

In the court order which, since I don't have with me I wasn't able to quote, I am to be put on as a emergency contact person, and he is to notify me if she is in daycare and where. Im not saying he shouldnt put her in a daycare, thats his choice, what I'm trying to say is that if he did put her in it I need to know where she is and to make sure I am on the record as a emergency contact person. Last yr when he put her in daycare things were fine until HE went in with the court order and demanded they not talk to me, the daycare, because they didn't want to get in the middle of a custody battle had me go back to the school (I had gone a week prior to her first attending to meet everyone and give them a copy of my license) so they could verify who I was. This took 3 hours out of my day because he wanted to be lord and in control.

I believe in my state of Texas, and I will look it up right now corporal punishment is against the law.

http://www.tcta.org/legal/laws/corppunishment.htm
Corporal punishment

If you administer corporal punishment, comply strictly with your district policy since it is a potential area of liability for educators. Be aware that corporal punishment can be broader than swats–having students run laps, do pushups, etc., may meet the definition if ordered as a punishment. Such rigorous physical activity should be assigned only for training or conditioning and not as punishment.

In 2005, the Texas Attorney General issued an opinion stating that House Bill 383, adopted by the 79th Legislature, does not limit the authority of school personnel to administer corporal punishment pursuant to a policy adopted by the board of trustees. The law added a provision to the Texas Family Code providing that only the following persons may administer corporal punishment: “1) a parent or grandparent of the child; (2) a stepparent of the child who has the duty of control and reasonable discipline of the child; and (3) an individual who is a guardian of the child and who has the duty of control and reasonable discipline of the child.” According to the opinion, the law amended only the Family Code and did not change existing law with regard to corporal punishment administered by school district employees. The opinion also provides that a district may adopt a policy authorizing corporal punishment without the permission of the parents or guardians.

http://www.stophitting.com/laws/stateLegislation.php
SCHOOLS
Physical punishment is banned in all public schools in 29 states. In the 21 states which allow its use, many large city school districts have banned it.

According to the U.S. Department of Education, Office of Civil Rights, 272,028 public school students were paddled in the 2004-2005 school year.

FAMILY DAY CARE
In state-regulated family day care settings, 47 states ban physical punishment of children by law or regulations.

GROUP HOMES/INSTITUTIONS
Physical punishment is prohibited by law or regulations in state-regulated group homes and institutions of 44 states.

DAY CARE CENTERS
Physical punishment is prohibited by law or regulations in state-regulated day care centers in 48 states.

 

[justalayman]

if you believe the law is being broken, call the police. If you believe the court order is being violated, take it to court. Your daughter can testify and unless the ex is willing to perjure himself, he will be truthful.

You see, you did not state your parenting plan or custody orders required your placement as emergency contact.

how far away does dad live? Is the daughter old enough to describe the directions to get to the alleged school? Take her for a drive and have her show you the way, if possible. While you may be looking for a name, that name may have nothing to do with ownership of the alleged daycare but I wold think a judge, if told a name and your daughter saying she is her teacher, woould get to the bottom of the issue.

 

[aliachase2007]

if you believe the law is being broken, call the police. If you believe the court order is being violated, take it to court. Your daughter can testify and unless the ex is willing to perjure himself, he will be truthful.

You see, you did not state your parenting plan or custody orders required your placement as emergency contact.

how far away does dad live? Is the daughter old enough to describe the directions to get to the alleged school? Take her for a drive and have her show you the way, if possible. While you may be looking for a name, that name may have nothing to do with ownership of the alleged daycare but I wold think a judge, if told a name and your daughter saying she is her teacher, woould get to the bottom of the issue.

My daughter is 3, a little too young I think to testify in court. Shes been unable to tell me where the school is, if its near her dads house or near his old house. So I'm not sure if I should drive around Plano (where he lives now) or towards his old home. They build a new Childrens lighthouse in Wylie (where I live), and at the begining of the yr when we passd that she yelled "thats my school". That was the school he took her too last yr, but I don't think they are open on weekends, and since then she hasnt mentioned it being her school again. I don't think she'd be able to tell how to get there, if we passed it shed be able to tell me I thing, but I dont think she could tell me directions. He lives about 20-30 min from me now. I'd live to bring him to court but want proof so its easier for the judge and I.
Thank you!

 

[nextwife]

Are you allowed to choose whichever caregiver you wish during YOUR time of possession? If so, do you believe daddy should drive around on his free time trying to drop in on your chosen caregivers?

Is there a Right of First Refusal in your plan?

 

[LdiJ]

Are you allowed to choose whichever caregiver you wish during YOUR time of possession? If so, do you believe daddy should drive around on his free time trying to drop in on your chosen caregivers?

Is there a Right of First Refusal in your plan?

That's not what she is saying that the order states. She is saying that the order states that she is to be informed of who is providing the care, and is to be on the emergency contact list. That's reasonable. After all, that is what everyone would expect her to do as well.

I would be concerned too if my child was stating that a childcare provider spanked her. That is very much a no-no.

 

[janM]

But can't find any with a registered inhome daycare.

If it's a private home, it may not be registered. Could just be someone who babysits. And if this person is spanking, it sounds like they are not monitored like a proper home daycare would be.

Seniors...could she file a Show Cause for dad to supply the name of this person, and address her concerns?

 

[Ohiogal]

How do you know your daughter is telling the truth and not living in a fantasy world?

 

[aliachase2007]

How do you know your daughter is telling the truth and not living in a fantasy world?

Well, thats what her father is telling me, that she is coping her older cousin. But he doesn't have a the same teacher name, or even the same friends names. At first I thought that could be true because she has a vivid imagination. But her stories are always the same, same friends name, same teacher's name, even after months. We heard a song on the radio the other day and she was like "I heard that at school", she tells me songs they sing at school (itsy bitsy spider ect), foods they eat. There are just so many details I have a hard time imagining she is capable of making this all up. Like how a girl at her school tore up her Scooby stickers.
She told me in pretty good detail the other day about nap time, and how Ms S(leaving out full name) gets mad when they don't go to sleep and spanks them, hard and it hurts.
she does make things up when telling me things, so sometimes its hard to find whats real and whats not, but when you hear the stories enough you can tell because the truth never changes.

 

[aliachase2007]

If it's a private home, it may not be registered. Could just be someone who babysits. And if this person is spanking, it sounds like they are not monitored like a proper home daycare would be.

Seniors...could she file a Show Cause for dad to supply the name of this person, and address her concerns?

Thanks, I've been trying to figure out what to do. I've asked him about it today through texts and hes still denying it. I asked if maybe its a play group since its obvious shes around other kids and he was like "def not"
I'd love to know if I can file a Show Cause. Last yr he put her in Day Care. I'm not sure if I was put on as a emergency contact person so Monday or Tuesday I will be going to get a copy of her files to see. If not, then I'd really like this one also because it shows he has a habit of not following the court order.

 

[aliachase2007]

Are you allowed to choose whichever caregiver you wish during YOUR time of possession? If so, do you believe daddy should drive around on his free time trying to drop in on your chosen caregivers?

Is there a Right of First Refusal in your plan?

Thank you LdiJ, you got it right!
I'm not trying to cause trouble for him but I'd like to know where and who is watching our child. If he isn't following the court order then something needs to be done. He is the one who makes things difficult and wants things done exactly like the order states. Since we have difficulties in our communications and everything we need to follow the court order the way it states, not take the peices of it that we want. When I've asked in the past to modify the order (come to an agreement between him and I) he adamently refused because he wanted to be in power. He and I quote, told me, "the court order is my Bible, and I am going to follow it exactly as it says." For him to now decide to not follow it by consenting with me about her school/daycare, most likely not including me as an emergency contact person and to allow her to be cared for by someone who may be harming her is ridiculous. Not only that, he is lying about it.
I do not believe we have a Right of First Refusal in our plan. We need to coparent better though for the sake of our daughter!