HOUND DOG,IAAL, someone........

[StarsMoon]

HOUND DOG, IAAL, someone........ PLEASE !!!

Please Someone Give Some Advice.....
My husband and I live in Fla. Husband hasa 7 yr old son that lives with BM in Ga.
Husband never married BM. Husband stayed with child and Bm till child was 2 or 3 yrs old. When he left, they agreed to him paying her $400.00 CS, and he kept medi and dental ins on child. Back in DEC 2000, husband and I wanted child for week after or before X-Mas. She got mad. Later, husband would try calling to talk to son, BM would rant and rave about since they were never married, husband had no legal right to child(as in visiting with or telephone contact, NOTHING). So, husband and I went to Ga. got a lawyer and went to court on APRIL 19 2001. Husband was granted LEGITIMACY, paying CS, VISITATION, and paying for medi and dent ins on child. That's fine cause nothing changed- just that it is NOW LEGAL and she can't with hold the child from husband.
This morning I get aphone call from a collection person. VERY RUDE ONE AT THAT. He tells me "it is my husbands obligation to this bill. We have to pay it, he's going to RED FLAG husband's credit, and so on. He told me that the BM gave him the info on phone#, address, and husbands SS#. And that he is going to sue us."
Now this bill, is dated OCT,NOV,DEC of 2000. BM didn't say anything about this in court. We didn't even know that the child had work done to teeth. So here it is almost 1 yr later, we get infomation about this(an actual bill we can review).
Yes... To all of the "OTHER PPL" out there..(you know who you are..) We both know MORALLY we should pay. But now the dentist won't even see the child because of past due amount- if she had brought this up earlier (like when it first happened, it might not have gone this far. BM in my eyes has DEPRIVED the child of his dental care(for GODSAKE, dentist pulled 12 TEETH out of this 7 yr old child, 12 TEETH not 1 or 2) PLUS, she had no problem using the husband's INSURANCE at that time. Or spending the $400 on god only knows what. Cause it didn't go for his HEALTH or roof over his head (her mother had been supplying all of that). As You can tell I"M MAD!!! Husband pays and pays and she don't work(sponging off her new boyfriend and leaves child at granny's house- and yes STUPID for her mom not to get any of that CS monies for THE CHILD..) I know all of this b/c her mother calls saying "she needs money too.. and the B/F calls syaing "she won't work, I can't support her and the kid, and we tell them... "YOU KNOW THATS NOT OUR PROBLEM."
COURT PAPERS were signed APRIL 2001. That is the date starting being HELD ACCOUNTABLE till child is 18 or 21, that husband is RESPONSILBE for 50% of medi or dental not covered be HIS ins.
Anyone with any answers to whether we, he is liable for this bill, can she just turn his name and all of his info over to a collection person, even when the account being in her name , should we get a lawyer and try fighting her even temp custody.(just last month her BF filed charges of FAMILY VIOLENCE on her. Still can't find out if childs was there or what happened.) PLEASE HELP... Waiting for a response from out old lawyer in Ga. We are in Fla. Can't just "go right up the road to his office" ya know....

P.S. Court papers word for word state...... dated APRIL2001

Petitioner (husband) will continue to provide dental and medical insurance on the minor child. If any portion of the minor child's medical or dental bills are not covered by this insurance, it will be the responsibilty of each of the parties to pay 50% of that portion.
This bill is dated OCT,NOV,DEC. and now the have adding late charges that started to incur from March 2001 till as of date.
Sorry to have vented so much but the problem needs to be discussed. BM can't keep herself CALM ENOUGH to discuss with husband.
THANKS....

 

[jeanine]

I once worked for a collection agency and I hope this insight will help you. First off, type up a letter to the dentist indicating that the first you heard of these bills was when the collection agency contacted you. (Send a copy to the collection agency as well.) If you can pay the amount in full - indicate you will do so in x amount of days. Tell him you will not paid for the accrued interest since the bill is a year old and you were never notified. If you can't pay the full amount, set up a payment plan and again request that the interest be waived since you are showing good faith in wanting to pay the bill. See what happens.

Also, should he only have to pay half? It is the BM's responsibility to have sent you the bill. And with the way some divorce decrees are worded, the BM pays and then is reimbursed by the NCP. She should have paid it in full and then came to you for the money. That stinks but also be aware that collection agencies cannot threaten you like that. They also can't call before 8 a.m. or after 9 p.m. I would go straight to the dentist's office and not speak with the collection people. Let your machine pick up that way you have proof of harassment if they continue to threaten your husband's credit. The BM shouldn't even be giving out his ss#.

 

[hound dog]

Well by law you are not entitle to pay that dentsist bill b/c the court order was not in affect until 2001. You can get her for fraud.

 

[smh33]

Though I was married, ex's new spouse did same. Took child for medical exams,w/o telling me then had office send me bills. Also ex carries child on insurance and the step, when I would take child to doctor would force stop of billing to insurance & have doctor office send me full bill because I took him...insurance is only for them to use. Then it became, anything ins didn't cover, I should pay in full if service occurred while child with me. It was real mess. Course this was new dx, step switched to, also without telling me...found out through school & step had office thinking I was the step parent and she the bio...yes, workers called her mom..when I went to office 1st time, workers asked if I was my child's aunt!!!
Anywho, I would not pay any of it and I would go to court,only if she filed,paid. The dental work done, child ok and only risk is credit (which you can counter by letter,documents...)if it does go against.
My advice goes along with what I did. Go in person,talk to den office...usually one has to sign some type receipt of service,ins,money owed...ask for a copy from child's visits, all...ex probably signed something. Also dxs usually note in patient records who was with child on visit(even if just list mom/dad). Bill is for service provided, ask office to supply proof of you seeking or receiving services. Usually when one signs receipt of service, the fine print says by signing, person accepts service performed and liability for the cost. I got a few, she said this,said agreement says that....Only enforcer of your order is court not dx, den office, school principle,etc..She sought the service.My order is 50/50 anything ins. not paying.Ins co visit co pay paid by parent taking child. All got right, office quit sending me bills, I paid ex 50%of any balance not covered by ins. except any visits I had no knowledge of, I paid nothing. Later this all came up in a court appearance,ex brought up my "irresponsibility as I had not paid 1/2 of some"...(keep all documentation from this)..I had all receipts,copies of step's letters to office,phone log,etc...had it all. SURPRIZINGLY...judge 1st reprimanded step for out of bounds,not place to communicate/enforce order,is parent whose name is on order.Quick FYI about child is not steps,changing doctors,not informing of visits "way over line"..judge's words.Next the ex for letting step sem to do all work,then changed our order to state..50/50 non coverd costs with exception to any costs incurred without notification to other parent.Full cost will default to parent failing to share info...judge said is as much ex's responsibility to notify/advise me as it is mine to pay 1/2. If ok for him to be irresponsible, has to accept price...it will cost him & should be ok if I am irresponsible if ok for him. Said I owe him 0 & not bother me about it! Especially if no paternity proven, don't see why your situation should turn out any different than mine...Good Luck.
ps I believe in support for kids...I suggest not paying any because that will only enforce a pattern, false sense of correctness on other side...if you pay now, even if only 1/2...the deceipt paid off, worked for the ex...Sorry got too long.

 

[StarsMoon]

Well now more has happened.....

I just wanna thank everyone for the positive input. I've got the husband now reading into this advice as well. We are going to get his son for the X-Mas visit and when we are up there we are going to check out some attorneys to see if he can get the ball rolling. The sooner the better.

Well, tonight husband called to talk to son(his desinated day), and he had to leave a messege on the answering machine. So, in turn he also called BM's boyfriend cell phone. Boyfriend told husband before "Well, if no one at the house then call my cell then you can talk to your son". So husband did. Left messege for BM to call him. She won't talk to husband for any reason so she lets her boyfriend do her comunication for her. Which SUX.. But, husband deals. Anyways,
BM's boyfriend calls back and says he has some bad news. Husband says "is son ok!!!" B/F says he's fine. It's just that husband isn't ALLOWED to call his house anymore. This is the phone number listed on the decree for the BM. He said , that the dentist office called them saying that we were not going to pay the bill and that we didn't care what the decree stated. And, also that he has been more of a father than husband and he was going to adopt the child. Now first of all, we never even called the dentist, haven't even heard from them. The man just isn't right. The person that called them, I am assuming it had to be the collection person. Letting them know that hubby didn't agree to anything this person was selling. We have no idea where BM is. Or the fact of where the child is. Haven't been able to talk to him in over 3 weeks. This all is just terrible. No recourse till we can get to Ga in Dec.
How long would it take for husband to file for temp cust that he would actually be able to get child out and away from them ppl? I can relate with the other post (smh33, I don't feel soo alone now. TY for ur insight,was very encouraging) that BM's B/F is way out of place and I'm hoping that the court of law will see that. (if not seeing than they will hear it(I hope) cause we have been taping every conversation as well as logging it on paper). BM had told her legal pretender that hubby was involving child with there hassles, which wasn't true at all. So just to be on the safe side it's ALL recorded.
Oh, I had to laugh on this one.......
BM's B/F was also trying to degrade husband and said "B/F is high member of society and such the better person and so on". This person has 3 dui's, all within 1 yr, not even divorced from his wife and .... Oh god it just makes me so mad!!!!
But anyways, will stop for now. Again I am open for any advice. Or any solutions. It's gonna be a long road.....

Thank You all for the replies. And I wish everyone good spirts with their situations.

 

[smh33]

I have been/am in a very unfriendly custody saga too. Not a lawyer but, have been through 11 now and well over $25,000 in legal fees. Lawyers are not all bad, great for intimidation,knowledge of procedure and how to present info to serve client best. You are your best defense..no promises but will share based on your facts what I have found to work best for me and cut down on 'just plain crappy interaction' such as phone convo described. Also know...have right to call house or anywhere child is.....and judges do not like to see situations where the parent is not dealing and allowing the non parent to bear the burden...doesn't suggest responsibility.
If you have,can get phone recorder...do so and send certified letter notifing other party due to contin probs, feel nec to doc. and they are now advised all phone interactions will be recorded.
Keep a phone log, dates,times,mess or none,etc...also takes time but you can get record from phone company showing homes outgoing #s called to verify log.
Cover all bases & your position w/ documentation. Everything certified,keep copies. Letter dentist, word to show this is not dentist's 1st knowledge of problem,explain resolution being sought,state your position that until resolved legally you do not intend to pay & briefly outline why you feel not liable, especially part about not seeking service,you not present at service,have not signed for service. Do same for any other possible/current issues, school.dx,etc...
Stop all verbal communications.....letter to ex, due to blank,blank...problems...be sure to include ex's refusal to talk...all communication needs to be in documented form and other than emergency you will not accept anything other until.......If phonetime issue...state a set schedule if poss..will call these days at time....
Now you have to stick to your guns..if they call & non emergency or if time not factor of issue at hand, its recorded too....just say, as my letter said, this doesn't work for us..not going to discuss/make decisions like this verbally and politely say gdbye. If encounter in person...walk away
Start documenting all by letter....if u call at time prevsly stated and don't get through or are refused. Certified letter to ex simply saying..just want to document I called at ....Was refused or never get answer and would like to know why.... It is a drag but, you have to do it on every little thing......if ex calls anyway to talk,send letter saying now you have called x times and I have asked you communicate another way.....You are to get him X-mas...send letter now saying, this letter to verify x-mas for child will be with me and this is pick up / drop off schedule....
A lot of work but, it will make a difference and you have to do it less as time goes on. Most court stuff adds up to hearsay, he/she said...all this stuff gives what you say more validity and it helps show a pattern of behavior on both sides
Also cause I have had the...'tells child problems' issue come up..I went to school counsler, explained unfriendly custody..DO NOT put down,insult other parent...don't bring up specific issues...you are only there to make counsler aware of childs situation incase they should see some behavior in child that should be addressed. I asked if counsler could talk with my child couple times, very matter of chance situation, not call him for appt. on loud speaker, just run into,etc... just chat with and see that issues of custody not affecting him and to also let child know/see if he does have problems & not able to go to mom/dad, there is someone to go too. No, I did not inform ex since not prof.service for pay and provided as part of school. Ex did find out,went to counsler...berated heck out of me...counsl called me, applauded my concern of child & no slandering of ex. Used statement from counslr in court to show not involving child. They build thier own case against themselves, it's just up to you to put it all together. Good Luck & endurance..you will need it.

 

[kat1963]

Great advice from all! I'd like to stress the *no verbal communication* part. It also takes care of alot of the stress!! And in addition when we had to send new insurance cards to biotroll, I copied them, laminated them with this typed on the back "DH is responsible for insurance coverage only. DH will not be responsible to providers for office visits and/or co-pays." Oh man, did that make her furious....to bad, so sad. She can always copy them over, but if the copy the doctors office makes doesn't show that statement, it's not going to make her look good in court! You can always file a motion to clarify, stating that unpaid med bills be submitted quarterly with a copy of the cancelled check (or you aren't responsible...keeps them from saving them up for a few years then hitting you all at once) and also that due to failure to communicate, all communications concerning the child need to be handled by certified mail.

KAT

 

[smh33]

wow..thats a great one about the laminated cards with the message! Makes so much sense...solve a lot. I'll definately pass that on to a few friends!

Ditto on the stress & no verbal...world of difference it made for me.