how badly do i need a lawyer?

[newmommy]

What is the name of your state? Missouri

my main question is can i cooperate with my ex and his lawyer to agree on a parental plan, or would i get screwed?

for an order of protection case, i was provided with free advocacy. i was granted a full order of protection against my ex on 11-17. during the procedings, i requested that the protecton order (which while lasting a full 12 months is still temporary) that visitation and child support be established, until a paretal plan of action was arranged. the ex boyfriend and father of my five month old son denied my request to establish temporary parental plan in lieu of the real thing. well, it took him from 11-17 to 12-2 to decide to file, and another two weeks for the paperwork to get to my front door. i have until 1-14 to respond in writing to the request for joint custody. my lawyer will charge a flat $5000 for the case so long as he can keep it out of court. another $2500 if it does go. i dont have money, and i cant find any to borrow.

i dont think he really cares about seeing the baby becasue he denied the visitation i offered him in court AND he knew it would take time for the paperwork to get processed. he wants "joint" i am hoping that he will understand that he cannot get back into my life just because he is seeing his child.

 

[newmommy]

oops...

i meant he wants joint custody to get out of paying child support and in order to have an excuse to interact with me.

 

[Whyte Noise]

You do realize that Missouri has a presumption of joint physical and legal custody, right? They look at that avenue first, before going on to the next one.

You don't "have" to interact with him, even in a joint custody arrangement (unless it also entails joint legal custody). Pick up and drop off can be at a neutral location (public) by someone other than a party to the order.

Also, having joint physical custody won't automatically mean he won't pay child support either. He may get a 10% credit for the time he has the child, but if the Form 14 says he's to pay support, then he's to pay it.

What exactly did his version of the parenting plan say?

Your attorney wants $5,000 to basically file an answer, and if this is "kept out of court"? You're getting bled like a stuck pig. Find another attorney.

 

[newmommy]

there is no parenting plan at the moment. babys daddy is takin me to court to get one. thanks on the stuck pig thing. i thought it was a lot of money for simply filing paperwork. my biggest concern now is if i cant get a lawyer in two weeks, and i decide to cooperate with babys daddys lawyer, am i gonna get screwed?

 

[Whyte Noise]

There was no parenting plan attached to the motion? Any motion for custody or visitation has to have a parenting plan. Missouri law.

As for whether you can get screwed... yeah, you can. And not even get kissed.

If you don't know what it is you're looking at and reading, then you need an attorney to handle it. I don't mean that in a derogatory way towards you or your education... it's that sometimes the legal language can be confusing if you don't understand the meanings. You could be agreeing to having no custody and all and not even realize it because of the way it's worded. The words used can make or break you.

 

[newmommy]

right. no plan.

yeah, the petition basically said that he wanted to share joint legal and physical custody without a plan because he is able to care for the baby just as well as i am. there was no plan as to how that would pan out. i did get a lawyer who took my case for about $1250. he filed my response saying that i move to have jakes petition dismissed. if the judge dismisses jakes petition, then i will file a form 14 and get support without court ordered visitation.

the most likely scenario however is that we be ordered to mediation and to come out of it with a plan. my lawyer found it odd that there was no plan attatched to the petition. i'll keep this issue updated. i should know more in march.

 

[Ambr]

Odds are good that they will just re-file the motion for custody / visitation. You should start thinking of what basics you will need in your parenting plan.

You should try the deltabravo link. They have some sample parenting plans. Everything from the generic basics to detailed specifics. Keep in mind if you feel uncomfortable about exchanges - you can specifically list public places or that he pick them up from sitter / grandparents, etc. A smooth exchange is good for everybody, kids especially.

Missouri likes the Joint Legal, even if they grant physical custody to one parent. They are usually pretty solid and involving both parents unless the child would be in danger.

 

[newmommy]

my lawyer...

i dont understand how the visitation will pan out. if i take the baby to the family social services building, and the daddy has two or three hours with the baby, will he have to stay at the fsd building or will he be allowed to take the baby out? what if i request that the visitations be suppervised, who will suppervise them? and for the first few months, can i stay on the property while the daddy has visitaiton for one or two hours? i have a restraining order against the dad and he has a recent assault conviction. what will the judge think about that when considering the visitation issue?

 

[wifethatcare]

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[Ambr]

i dont understand how the visitation will pan out. if i take the baby to the family social services building, and the daddy has two or three hours with the baby, will he have to stay at the fsd building or will he be allowed to take the baby out? what if i request that the visitations be suppervised, who will suppervise them? and for the first few months, can i stay on the property while the daddy has visitaiton for one or two hours? i have a restraining order against the dad and he has a recent assault conviction. what will the judge think about that when considering the visitation issue?

IF the court orders supervised visitation, they will outline the rules for you.

Generally, they will appoint someone to be present during visitations. This could be a family member of the NCP. There are other options if that is not available, including organizations that exist solely to be a "neutral" visitation provider. They cost money.

If FS is appointed - they will be present during visitations. He will be able to take the child from the building ONLY with the FS person there with him. Like if they do an outing in the park, etc.

Odds are good that a judge will NOT let you remain in the building or around during the visitations. It's his time. Plus, it sounds like your presence would make the situation "hostile" (if just dad being ticked that you are there) for the child.

A judge has to have valid reasons to order supervised visitations. Basically that the child would be in danger.

 

[newmommy]

good point.

ok. that makes sense. i think that i have to accept the fact that i can only control so much. if the baby gets unsupervised visitations, and something happens to the boy at the hands of his father, i will be beside myself, though, you know? i have a feeling that the main reason the father (Jake) couldnt handle his son(Jaden) by himself is that the boy reminded him so much of me, and that bothered him because i am not on speaking terms with jake. the jaden looks exactly like me. my girlfriend married jakes friend. now they are more of jakes friends than mine. she works at a daycare, and has encouraged me in an awkward way to put my son at her daycare. i think she is asking me to do that so jake can come and see jaden on his way home form work, or even to take off with him. heres the question...if he did take jaden home with him if i put jaden in her daycare, could i get physical custody back from jake even though the custody details are not ironed out? would the police be able to give the boy back to me because i have a restraining order against jake and jake hasnt seen the baby in four months?