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How can my sister come to my wedding?

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jewell_diva

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? South Carolina and Missouri

My parents divorced when I was eight, and have had joint custody of their six children for the past several years. The eldest five of us chose to live with my father and grow up in Missouri, and my mother took the youngest child with her to South Carolina. I am now 24, and my youngest sister is 16. I live in North Carolina, but I am getting married in the hometown where I grew up in Missouri. I want my youngest sister to be in the wedding, but my mother and step-father are very strict about letting her visit the rest of the family in Missouri because they are scared she will choose to stay there, and not come back to South Carolina. All of us would rather not create drama before the wedding, but my mother and step-father are very sneaky and vindictive. I'm afraid that if I did something like fly her there and leave a note on the kitchen table, they'll call the police and declare a runaway or a kidnapping. My sister REALLY wants to visit her family, and I REALLY want her in my wedding. (Trust me, my mother and step-father won't attend my ceremony... they skipped my sister's wedding as well, BECAUSE they were paranoid about my youngest sister wanting to stay in MO.) Can my sister ask a judge for permission to go, so that she can avoid my mother and step-father? Even if the judge says yes, she will be SEVERELY punished when she gets home. How can I do this without getting anyone into legal trouble? Keep in mind, my parents have JOINT custody. I just want to be aware of all the loopholes, because my mother and step-father know every trick in the book, and they're not beyond putting me in jail.
 


brisgirl825

Senior Member
jewell_diva said:
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? South Carolina and Missouri

My parents divorced when I was eight, and have had joint custody of their six children for the past several years. The eldest five of us chose to live with my father and grow up in Missouri, and my mother took the youngest child with her to South Carolina. I am now 24, and my youngest sister is 16. I live in North Carolina, but I am getting married in the hometown where I grew up in Missouri. I want my youngest sister to be in the wedding, but my mother and step-father are very strict about letting her visit the rest of the family in Missouri because they are scared she will choose to stay there, and not come back to South Carolina. All of us would rather not create drama before the wedding, but my mother and step-father are very sneaky and vindictive. I'm afraid that if I did something like fly her there and leave a note on the kitchen table, they'll call the police and declare a runaway or a kidnapping. My sister REALLY wants to visit her family, and I REALLY want her in my wedding. (Trust me, my mother and step-father won't attend my ceremony... they skipped my sister's wedding as well, BECAUSE they were paranoid about my youngest sister wanting to stay in MO.) Can my sister ask a judge for permission to go, so that she can avoid my mother and step-father? Even if the judge says yes, she will be SEVERELY punished when she gets home. How can I do this without getting anyone into legal trouble? Keep in mind, my parents have JOINT custody. I just want to be aware of all the loopholes, because my mother and step-father know every trick in the book, and they're not beyond putting me in jail.
There's nothing you can do other than changing the date of your wedding to when dad has visitation. Mom is not required to send the child for anything other than COed time with dad.

GL.
 

jewell_diva

Junior Member
That's just it. She never LETS my father see her. He sends my sister letters and gifts all the time, and calls her several times a week. My father has even bought plane tickets for my sister to visit, but they get "lost in the mail." (my sister finds them in my mother's dresser drawers) My father would rather avoid going to court, because even if my sister DOES get to visit, she will be punished, emotionally abused, and grounded from EVERYTHING when she goes back home to my mother and step-father. She chooses to stay in South Carolina because my mother is in very poor health... my step-father is the main problem. This might sound like a SUPER stupid question, but if my father chooses to report this, can the judge forbid my mother and step-father to punish her when she returns to South Carolina? I mean, it's not like she's being disobedient... she wants to see her family.
 

jewell_diva

Junior Member
WOW! I've been doing some reading. Maybe this is off the wall, but is my sister even ALLOWED to be out of the state of Missouri?? The rulings were held in the state of MO, and both single parents lived in that state at the time, so doesn't that mean all of the minors involved have to stay within that state? I heard somewhere that children couldn't leave the state of the parent who has custody, and since they BOTH have custody, and BOTH lived in Missouri at the time, doesn't my youngest sister have to stay there?? I don't know... maybe I'm confusing myself.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
jewell_diva said:
WOW! I've been doing some reading. Maybe this is off the wall, but is my sister even ALLOWED to be out of the state of Missouri?? The rulings were held in the state of MO, and both single parents lived in that state at the time, so doesn't that mean all of the minors involved have to stay within that state? I heard somewhere that children couldn't leave the state of the parent who has custody, and since they BOTH have custody, and BOTH lived in Missouri at the time, doesn't my youngest sister have to stay there?? I don't know... maybe I'm confusing myself.
Its way too late for that. That is something that your father would have had to address back when they moved.
 

djohnson

Senior Member
Is there an actual cusotdy/visitation order? When does it state he gets visitation? If he hasn't pursued it all this time, it doesn't look good for him, but if he is suppose to get visitation and mother denies, then she can be held for contempt. The judge can't force a parent to not punish. If he isn't going to court over not getting visitation, why would he go over punishment? Can he (or you) just ask mom? It would be better than him filing for custody because of her contempt. Maybe she could be made to see that.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I'd suggest being blunt with your father and tell him that it's time he grew a pair and took action.
 

VeronicaGia

Senior Member
jewell_diva said:
WOW! I've been doing some reading. Maybe this is off the wall, but is my sister even ALLOWED to be out of the state of Missouri?? The rulings were held in the state of MO, and both single parents lived in that state at the time, so doesn't that mean all of the minors involved have to stay within that state? I heard somewhere that children couldn't leave the state of the parent who has custody, and since they BOTH have custody, and BOTH lived in Missouri at the time, doesn't my youngest sister have to stay there?? I don't know... maybe I'm confusing myself.
What you've read and heard is wrong. Leaving the state is fine, leaving the country is another issue.

Your father should have been fighting this all along. He could have won custody....If he decides to stand up and do something about this, then maybe, especially if the child wants to live with him since a judge may listen to her in court. But dad won't do anything, and the child feels like she has to stay with mom, so you're fighting a losing battle.
 

jewell_diva

Junior Member
My sister does not want to LIVE with my father, she wants to VISIT him. She wants to go back home after the visit so that she can take care of my mother, who is ill. My father hasn't intervened to this point, NOT because HE is scared, but because he is scared FOR my sister. If my father goes to a judge for visitation, my SISTER is the one having to cope with the consequences. My step-father is psychotic, and has a huge issue with control. I have asked my mother if my sister can come to Missouri for the wedding, and my mother (read: step-dad) has said no. I realize that one side of my family is VERY demented, and I thought from the beginning that there was probably no way she was coming to the wedding. I just wanted to double-check to see if there was any way we could slip throught the cracks and avoid trouble. Thanks SO much to everyone for the answers and advice. Looks like I will have to see about having a mock ceremony in a garden somewhere close to where she lives, so that she won't feel left out when the rest of the family gets to be part of the real ceremony. Looks like it's as much as I can do without getting nailed by the law. Again, thanks everyone!
 

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