From Louisiana
I am mom. My child is 12. I met my ex in China. I am a US citizen and was working there. He is from another country and was studying there. We were married in Thailand 12/04. I went home to La. on maternity leave 09/06 and our child was born there 11/06. We returned to China 12/06.
Ex returned to his country "on business" 03/07 and never returned to China. Child and I visited him there for 3 weeks 07/07, then returned to China to await his return, which never happened.
Child and I moved back to La. 06/08. Ex was supposed to join us there. He postponed arrival until 01/10. He was granted Greencard 07/10. (He says he is now a US citizen. I don't know if that is true or not. He uses information like currency, saying what he thinks will give him most control.)
Things were awful between us. The marriage ended as far as I was concerned 09/10, but he had no income and so we remained in the same apartment until 04/11.
I waited until I knew he would not contest divorce and filed myself without a lawyer 12/14. Divorce was granted 01/15.
In 12 years, Ex has bought child three pairs of shoes and a bookbag or two. He gave her $100 once to spend on school supplies. When we moved to China and would not have insurance in the US, he put her on his insurance, but he lost that job after about 4 months. That is the sum total of his financial support. (Meanwhile, he has "borrowed" thousands of dollars since we split and he "invested" around $175K of my salary during our marriage. I have seen none of that.) He contributed nothing to the household in the brief times we shared a house. I paid all expenses out of my salary including insurance on both cars, gas for both cars. He occasionally bought himself some food and brought home food from his pizza delivery job a couple of times, but that is it.
I have never denied him visitation. In fact, when he was homeless, I allowed him to stay with us. However, other than the 3.5 months he lived with us after she was born, the 3 weeks we spent together in his country in summer '07, the year and 3 months we lived together after he first came to the US, and a few months when he lived with us when he was homeless, he has taken her for a night or two about 7 or 8 times in total. I can't remember exactly how many times. She never wanted to go, but I always forced her to go. (He did get her hair braided once and would buy her small things and a few toys during these visits.)
I brought him to the US upon his request because I wanted my child to have her father in her life. (This has been my biggest regret. I was planning to file abandonment but then he contacted me and asked me to bring him to the US. I didn't want my child to be a statistic and grow up without a father, so I tried to make it work.) I always made her speak to him on the phone when he called.
When he got a job again after moving in with us, he did not have a car. At first, I loaned him my car to get to work. His job was 2.5 hours away. (He usually stayed at a hotel overnight, often at a casino, and came back on weekends.) Finally, after 3 months, to get him out of my house, I "loaned" him money to get an apartment and after much pressure from him, bought a car for him to use with the agreement that he would deposit his salary in my account and I would manage his money (because he gambles), withholding the car payment, the rent which I would pay directly to the apartment complex, money for insurance for the car, and an amount we agreed upon to pay back the loans I had given him since he had gotten the job. After about 9 months, he stopped depositing the money into my account.
He had often commented that I should go back to China with our child. I'm a teacher so my salary is much better and tax exempt abroad. Our child would get an excellent education at my school abroad. Our child would be exposed to people and cultures that would broaden her horizon. Our child would learn another language. Etc. Fall 2016 I decided to seek to go abroad again. Before I began my job search abroad, I ran it by him. He said no Middle Eastern countries and never Canada (he blames my Canadian friend for our break-up), but he agreed we could move abroad. He signed the affidavit for our child's passport and one saying I could travel abroad with my child as long as I was employed by (my current employer). On that affidavit, I included dates up through our child's 16th birthday.
When we came home to La. last summer, I contacted him to find out when he wanted to see our child. He said he was no longer living in La. He had moved to New York because people were out to get him in La.
He used to gamble. He says he no longer does. He is paranoid, but the only proof I have are emails from him stating things like the above. Most recently, he is accusing me of "being in on" something because I won't answer his question about Onstar on the car he is driving but hasn't paid for since 07/17.
The car is in my name and I have told him I do not have an account with Onstar. This is not true. I do have an account so I can track the car, but I did not tell him because he was demanding that he be added to the account. I don't want to have him on the account and I don't want to have the argument with him in which he will threaten to take my child away from me, so I just told him I'm not paying for the account.
However, he knows that "someone is tracking" him and he wants answers. He thinks it might be his former employers and his current apartment complex management. I said I would call Onstar to find out when I got a chance to do so, but I wasn't fast enough and so he says I must be on it.
He asked why I had ever taken him off the account and changed the password. I answered honestly that I had done so when he had asked me to send him his portion of his salary in advance of it being deposited in my account 04/17, which I did, only to find that he had changed the deposit order so that it would not go into my account. This answer was absolute proof to him that I was "in on it."
He says that he has contacted the media, his government, the Chinese government, minority rights groups, etc., and that it is "fixing to get ugly." He says that I'm "about to be famous." He demands that I bring our daughter home to the US immediately. He is tired of the US and he is ready to go home and bring his daughter with him. He says I should be hearing from his lawyer soon.
I would be fine with things staying as they are. I have always had physical custody and have basically made all decisions regarding her. He has only chimed in now and then to make himself feel like he is in control of her life, but I have emails and texts in which he says that I am doing a good job, that he trusts me to do best for her, etc. The problem is that her passport will expire when she is 15.5 and to renew it we will need another affidavit from him. He may be amenable at that time, but he may not. It is hard to predict because he is so irrational, paranoid, and his moods swing back and forth. Also, if he is financially desperate at the time, he will blackmail me for the affidavit. He will demand that I help him financially or he will consider that I am making bad decisions for my child. (Just before we left for China, he asked me to cosign on a house with him. I refused and he said that he had contacted the TSA and that I would not be allowed to leave the US because I was making "bad decisions." I have our text exchange regarding this.)
My question is will this be sufficient evidence to be granted sole legal custody. I don't have a lot of money to spend and I don't want to totally piss him off or he'll never agree to sign the affidavit. But I'm tired of this. Just when I think he is getting better, I get an email in all caps saying that people are trying to hurt him mystically and he knows I'm in on it. I don't want to rely on the whims of his paranoia to find out if I can renew my child's passport so that she can continue her education here. But I can't start this process unless I am reasonably sure I will win because if I do, there is no way he will sign the affidavit next time, which is the only reason to do this in the first place.
Please help!
I am mom. My child is 12. I met my ex in China. I am a US citizen and was working there. He is from another country and was studying there. We were married in Thailand 12/04. I went home to La. on maternity leave 09/06 and our child was born there 11/06. We returned to China 12/06.
Ex returned to his country "on business" 03/07 and never returned to China. Child and I visited him there for 3 weeks 07/07, then returned to China to await his return, which never happened.
Child and I moved back to La. 06/08. Ex was supposed to join us there. He postponed arrival until 01/10. He was granted Greencard 07/10. (He says he is now a US citizen. I don't know if that is true or not. He uses information like currency, saying what he thinks will give him most control.)
Things were awful between us. The marriage ended as far as I was concerned 09/10, but he had no income and so we remained in the same apartment until 04/11.
I waited until I knew he would not contest divorce and filed myself without a lawyer 12/14. Divorce was granted 01/15.
In 12 years, Ex has bought child three pairs of shoes and a bookbag or two. He gave her $100 once to spend on school supplies. When we moved to China and would not have insurance in the US, he put her on his insurance, but he lost that job after about 4 months. That is the sum total of his financial support. (Meanwhile, he has "borrowed" thousands of dollars since we split and he "invested" around $175K of my salary during our marriage. I have seen none of that.) He contributed nothing to the household in the brief times we shared a house. I paid all expenses out of my salary including insurance on both cars, gas for both cars. He occasionally bought himself some food and brought home food from his pizza delivery job a couple of times, but that is it.
I have never denied him visitation. In fact, when he was homeless, I allowed him to stay with us. However, other than the 3.5 months he lived with us after she was born, the 3 weeks we spent together in his country in summer '07, the year and 3 months we lived together after he first came to the US, and a few months when he lived with us when he was homeless, he has taken her for a night or two about 7 or 8 times in total. I can't remember exactly how many times. She never wanted to go, but I always forced her to go. (He did get her hair braided once and would buy her small things and a few toys during these visits.)
I brought him to the US upon his request because I wanted my child to have her father in her life. (This has been my biggest regret. I was planning to file abandonment but then he contacted me and asked me to bring him to the US. I didn't want my child to be a statistic and grow up without a father, so I tried to make it work.) I always made her speak to him on the phone when he called.
When he got a job again after moving in with us, he did not have a car. At first, I loaned him my car to get to work. His job was 2.5 hours away. (He usually stayed at a hotel overnight, often at a casino, and came back on weekends.) Finally, after 3 months, to get him out of my house, I "loaned" him money to get an apartment and after much pressure from him, bought a car for him to use with the agreement that he would deposit his salary in my account and I would manage his money (because he gambles), withholding the car payment, the rent which I would pay directly to the apartment complex, money for insurance for the car, and an amount we agreed upon to pay back the loans I had given him since he had gotten the job. After about 9 months, he stopped depositing the money into my account.
He had often commented that I should go back to China with our child. I'm a teacher so my salary is much better and tax exempt abroad. Our child would get an excellent education at my school abroad. Our child would be exposed to people and cultures that would broaden her horizon. Our child would learn another language. Etc. Fall 2016 I decided to seek to go abroad again. Before I began my job search abroad, I ran it by him. He said no Middle Eastern countries and never Canada (he blames my Canadian friend for our break-up), but he agreed we could move abroad. He signed the affidavit for our child's passport and one saying I could travel abroad with my child as long as I was employed by (my current employer). On that affidavit, I included dates up through our child's 16th birthday.
When we came home to La. last summer, I contacted him to find out when he wanted to see our child. He said he was no longer living in La. He had moved to New York because people were out to get him in La.
He used to gamble. He says he no longer does. He is paranoid, but the only proof I have are emails from him stating things like the above. Most recently, he is accusing me of "being in on" something because I won't answer his question about Onstar on the car he is driving but hasn't paid for since 07/17.
The car is in my name and I have told him I do not have an account with Onstar. This is not true. I do have an account so I can track the car, but I did not tell him because he was demanding that he be added to the account. I don't want to have him on the account and I don't want to have the argument with him in which he will threaten to take my child away from me, so I just told him I'm not paying for the account.
However, he knows that "someone is tracking" him and he wants answers. He thinks it might be his former employers and his current apartment complex management. I said I would call Onstar to find out when I got a chance to do so, but I wasn't fast enough and so he says I must be on it.
He asked why I had ever taken him off the account and changed the password. I answered honestly that I had done so when he had asked me to send him his portion of his salary in advance of it being deposited in my account 04/17, which I did, only to find that he had changed the deposit order so that it would not go into my account. This answer was absolute proof to him that I was "in on it."
He says that he has contacted the media, his government, the Chinese government, minority rights groups, etc., and that it is "fixing to get ugly." He says that I'm "about to be famous." He demands that I bring our daughter home to the US immediately. He is tired of the US and he is ready to go home and bring his daughter with him. He says I should be hearing from his lawyer soon.
I would be fine with things staying as they are. I have always had physical custody and have basically made all decisions regarding her. He has only chimed in now and then to make himself feel like he is in control of her life, but I have emails and texts in which he says that I am doing a good job, that he trusts me to do best for her, etc. The problem is that her passport will expire when she is 15.5 and to renew it we will need another affidavit from him. He may be amenable at that time, but he may not. It is hard to predict because he is so irrational, paranoid, and his moods swing back and forth. Also, if he is financially desperate at the time, he will blackmail me for the affidavit. He will demand that I help him financially or he will consider that I am making bad decisions for my child. (Just before we left for China, he asked me to cosign on a house with him. I refused and he said that he had contacted the TSA and that I would not be allowed to leave the US because I was making "bad decisions." I have our text exchange regarding this.)
My question is will this be sufficient evidence to be granted sole legal custody. I don't have a lot of money to spend and I don't want to totally piss him off or he'll never agree to sign the affidavit. But I'm tired of this. Just when I think he is getting better, I get an email in all caps saying that people are trying to hurt him mystically and he knows I'm in on it. I don't want to rely on the whims of his paranoia to find out if I can renew my child's passport so that she can continue her education here. But I can't start this process unless I am reasonably sure I will win because if I do, there is no way he will sign the affidavit next time, which is the only reason to do this in the first place.
Please help!
