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How do I become my nieces guardian or seek custody of them?

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chafinapt

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I just posted this and it disappeared, apologies if it shows up twice.

My nieces are located in Virginia, but I am in California.
They are 17 (just turned) and 15.

I would like to seek custody of them - their mother, my sister, is a mentally ill alcoholic. She lost custody of 2 of her other children to their fathers, but the father of these 2 is unfortunately even worse off than she is (jail, alcohol/heroin) so they remain with her.

They live in poverty in someone's basement. One rocks constantly as a coping mechanism, and one is undernourished.

There have been countless calls to CPS, and a guardian ad litem was assigned, who did absolutely nothing.

I do not know how to go about suing her for custody from CA, as there is no way she will do what is right for them and let them come here willingly.

However, I know if brought to court, I can prove I can provide a much better home for them, and the local high school is literally on my street.

But I know how courts like to keep children with their mothers.

Any advice is much appreciated.
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I just posted this and it disappeared, apologies if it shows up twice.

My nieces are located in Virginia, but I am in California.
They are 17 (just turned) and 15.

I would like to seek custody of them - their mother, my sister, is a mentally ill alcoholic. She lost custody of 2 of her other children to their fathers, but the father of these 2 is unfortunately even worse off than she is (jail, alcohol/heroin) so they remain with her.

They live in poverty in someone's basement. One rocks constantly as a coping mechanism, and one is undernourished.

There have been countless calls to CPS, and a guardian ad litem was assigned, who did absolutely nothing.

I do not know how to go about suing her for custody from CA, as there is no way she will do what is right for them and let them come here willingly.

However, I know if brought to court, I can prove I can provide a much better home for them, and the local high school is literally on my street.

But I know how courts like to keep children with their mothers.

Any advice is much appreciated.
If CPS doesn't consider the situation to be serious enough to remove them, then you do not have a hope of taking custody away from their mother, without her agreement.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I just posted this and it disappeared, apologies if it shows up twice.

My nieces are located in Virginia, but I am in California.
They are 17 (just turned) and 15.

I would like to seek custody of them - their mother, my sister, is a mentally ill alcoholic. She lost custody of 2 of her other children to their fathers, but the father of these 2 is unfortunately even worse off than she is (jail, alcohol/heroin) so they remain with her.

They live in poverty in someone's basement. One rocks constantly as a coping mechanism, and one is undernourished.

There have been countless calls to CPS, and a guardian ad litem was assigned, who did absolutely nothing.

I do not know how to go about suing her for custody from CA, as there is no way she will do what is right for them and let them come here willingly.

However, I know if brought to court, I can prove I can provide a much better home for them, and the local high school is literally on my street.

But I know how courts like to keep children with their mothers.

Any advice is much appreciated.

If the State hasn't seen fit to remove them, you have no chance unless both parents agree. It's not about courts keeping children with their mothers - it's about courts respecting the RIGHTS of the parent.

Don't think for one second you stand equal to Mom. You don't.
 

chafinapt

Junior Member
If the State hasn't seen fit to remove them, you have no chance unless both parents agree. It's not about courts keeping children with their mothers - it's about courts respecting the RIGHTS of the parent.

Don't think for one second you stand equal to Mom. You don't.
But what if the only reason the state never removes them is because they did not have an alternative to place them with - the other children were removed and sent with their fathers.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
But what if the only reason the state never removes them is because they did not have an alternative to place them with - the other children were removed and sent with their fathers.
Of course the state has a place for them.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
But what if the only reason the state never removes them is because they did not have an alternative to place them with - the other children were removed and sent with their fathers.
The other children were removed by CPS and given to their fathers, or their fathers filed for custody and won. Which is it? CPS does not remove just some of the children from the home, they remove ALL of the children. There are always foster care parents or group homes available.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
But what if the only reason the state never removes them is because they did not have an alternative to place them with - the other children were removed and sent with their fathers.

No - the fathers got custody. If things were that dire, the state would have moved to terminate her RIGHTS.

The state will have found a place. Come on now.
 

chafinapt

Junior Member
No - the fathers got custody. If things were that dire, the state would have moved to terminate her RIGHTS.

The state will have found a place. Come on now.
I'm not sure why you are being so angry and skeptical towards me. So if my wording was wrong, forgive me.

Regardless, the father of the oldest took her and my sister never protested or fought for her (this was 22 years ago).

The youngest child is now 12, the father sued for custody and obviously won no trouble when she was 8.

They have previously lived in shelters and motels, they have been in the basement apt for about a year.

She was found guilty of child abuse in Florida years ago.
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
I'm not sure why you are being so angry and skeptical towards me. So if my wording was wrong, forgive me.

Regardless, the father of the oldest took her and my sister never protested or fought for her (this was 22 years ago).

The youngest child is now 12, the father sued for custody and obviously won no trouble when she was 8.

They have previously lived in shelters and motels, they have been in the basement apt for about a year.

She was found guilty of child abuse in Florida years ago.
It's definitely not anger. It may be skepticism, for which I blame no one.

Regardless, you have no standing to sue for custody.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
I'm not sure why you are being so angry and skeptical towards me. So if my wording was wrong, forgive me.

Regardless, the father of the oldest took her and my sister never protested or fought for her (this was 22 years ago).

The youngest child is now 12, the father sued for custody and obviously won no trouble when she was 8.

They have previously lived in shelters and motels, they have been in the basement apt for about a year.

She was found guilty of child abuse in Florida years ago.

The thing is, it's relevant. There is a HUGE difference between Mom not fighting for custody, and the state stepping in and deciding itself. Huge, huge difference.

Whatever happened years ago, happened years ago. Once again, if the State has not removed the children, it's a non-issue. For you, anyway.
 

chafinapt

Junior Member
And I have to ask - exactly how many times have you seen them in say... the past year?
It is an issue for me because I love my nieces and can not stand the way they have been brought up and are forced to live. It also becomes my issue when I have 3 people begging me to fight for custody of them. I brought them out to visit this summer, and I visited them all over Christmas. It is heartbreaking to watch them physically shrink in front of her, and the constant rocking/coping.

The oldest just went for a visit, as she had not seen her mom in 12 years. Long story short, there was a drunken scene, and my sisters best friend took all of the girls in for a couple of days, she is also asking me to fight for custody. The oldest left her trip early because of her mothers behavior, has filed a CPS report, and is obsessively researching what can be done, although I tell her I don't think there is anything I can do unless my sister is arrested or taken in on a mental health hold.

I understand how some may think "oh teens are just dramatizing -" trust me, I grew up with this woman and have spent much of my adult life w her and around her kids. She is a horrible alcoholic and is mentally crumbling - she needs help but won't take any.
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
It is an issue for me because I love my nieces and can not stand the way they have been brought up and are forced to live. It also becomes my issue when I have 3 people begging me to fight for custody of them. I brought them out to visit this summer, and I visited them all over Christmas. It is heartbreaking to watch them physically shrink in front of her, and the constant rocking/coping.

The oldest just went for a visit, as she had not seen her mom in 12 years. Long story short, there was a drunken scene, and my sisters best friend took all of the girls in for a couple of days, she is also asking me to fight for custody. The oldest left her trip early because of her mothers behavior, has filed a CPS report, and is obsessively researching what can be done, although I tell her I don't think there is anything I can do unless my sister is arrested or taken in on a mental health hold.

I understand how some may think "oh teens are just dramatizing -" trust me, I grew up with this woman and have spent much of my adult life w her and around her kids. She is a horrible alcoholic and is mentally crumbling - she needs help but won't take any.
Your feelings are not equal to or higher than the law. You have no standing.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
It is an issue for me because I love my nieces and can not stand the way they have been brought up and are forced to live. It also becomes my issue when I have 3 people begging me to fight for custody of them. I brought them out to visit this summer, and I visited them all over Christmas. It is heartbreaking to watch them physically shrink in front of her, and the constant rocking/coping.

The oldest just went for a visit, as she had not seen her mom in 12 years. Long story short, there was a drunken scene, and my sisters best friend took all of the girls in for a couple of days, she is also asking me to fight for custody. The oldest left her trip early because of her mothers behavior, has filed a CPS report, and is obsessively researching what can be done, although I tell her I don't think there is anything I can do unless my sister is arrested or taken in on a mental health hold.

I understand how some may think "oh teens are just dramatizing -" trust me, I grew up with this woman and have spent much of my adult life w her and around her kids. She is a horrible alcoholic and is mentally crumbling - she needs help but won't take any.

Those 3 people don't know how things work though. I'm sure Mom isn't exactly Parent Of The Year, but you're not parent... at all.

Imagine this...

You file for custody. You would file where Mom lives.

Now remember, you do not stand equal to Mom - so the rules change. It's no longer about parent vs. parent, but parent vs. legal stranger. Now you're having to prove that even though the state has not removed them, Mom is unfit anyway. The burden of proof there is massive.

Mom and her attorney will ask for evidence.

Attorney: "they behaved weird at Christmas? That hardly equates to Mom being unfit. So what you're saying is that you can't prove Mom is unfit?, Or are you going to stay with "She's unfit but I didn't do anything at the time"?

(that's assuming it even gets to court)

Then you're wanting to relocate them out of home state, too.

Please tell me you're understanding things so far.
 

BL

Senior Member
Rocking ?? Please my x sis in laws son rocked the couch apart .He has his own business now ..
 

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