How does anyone get through it?

[whatthistime]

What is the name of your state?Tx
I was just wondering how the rest of you get through it. I'm so exhausted, heartsick, sad, emotionally drained and the feelings of helplessness and being at the mercy of the "justice" system, I don't know what to do anymore to keep myself collected. Single mom, working to make ends meet while Dad just parties on, takes vacations, buys cars and a house, living large with his new wife while I do everything I can to make sure my child is happy, healthy and protected. Jealous? Maybe I am. But Dad can go buy himself everything in the world, fine with me, as long as my family stays together as it should.
This situation with my ex bringing motions that don't matter, accusations and situations made to increase attorney's fee's for me, joint counseling that doesn't work but costs a fortune, a hundred other things. 10k in attorney fees for me allready and nothing is done.
How does anyone keep their chin up and keep making sure the kids don't know how stressful and difficult the situation is. I have an appointment on Tuesday to meet with a social worker to start a social study and I'm not worried about it, well, maybe a little. I worry that since my ex just got married, just bought a house, started a new job that gives him good benefits and money, that my status as a struggling single mom who has three children to take care of will hurt me. I live in a nice apartment, I have a stable job and my three children are all healthy, happy and adjusted. This only involves my 4 year old, the other kids are 16 and 14.
Any advice on how to approach the social worker situation? Has anyone been through this?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Remember you don't want our advice so you should ask your attorney for this custody battle.
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?p=1049165#post1049165

*giggle* sorry ya'll, that was just too funny.
Regardless, I'm following up with paid legal advice. I do appreciate this site though and the people who do give advice and not just wave their branches in the air.

Interesting link, Here they are complaining about looking @ old posts and look who posts on one from 10 7 1004? How many custody cases is this now? How many fathers?
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=198737
Quote:
Originally Posted by whatthistime
Can you tell me how you got the "refuse to settle" admitted? My lawyer for my 4 year old has told me we cannot bring up that issue. The whole situation with my 4 year olds father could have been settled in five minutes of mediation but he walked out, won't settle, bumped his pleading from joint custody to sole and has, so far, run up 8k in my lawyers fee's for frivalous things. This from a man who's already been caught lying in court twice and didn't show up for the last hearing.
Thanks.

 

[needscadvice]

understand the unequal scale

Yes, I understand your feelings. My ex has a new home (plus her house she had before they married that hasn't sold yet and is sitting empty), his new wife, their eating out all the time, their new cars (his car, her car, and now a van on top of that), the trips to the mountains, the honeymoon to florida and the airplane flight down there, the easiness of him paying for all of that and an attorney - all the while me knowing he left me for her - an accountant that looks like a lesbian - they never smile, they never laugh - my kids say they never get in the floor and tickle each other or cuddle at all with the kids - while - me - I am married to a wonderful man now. But, he pays his ex $600 + in child support each month for one child while I don't get a dime of child support. My ex lives in a 5 bedroom house while I rent a 3 bdrm because I'm always scared to buy anything for fear that I will have to pay child support and a huge house payment one day -neither of which would be cheap for 3 kids. I have a car that runs at the moment but who knows about the next. They have 3 cars for 2 of them. My idea of eating out is Arby's or soup and salad from ($6?) from a nice restaurant. My idea of a vacation is sleeping in until 11:00 and staying in my PJs most of the day and cuddling with my husband and my kids watching movies or going to the park or playing with the slip 'n slide and grilling out.
I guess my only suggestion to you is to keep looking for the rainbow in the day. think about what your life would be like if your ex were raising your kids all of the time and you didn't have a reason to celebrate the little things every day with them. That's what I try to do. We started playing board games because it's cheap and each game is different. We laugh and play around a lot. The kids have told me that they have so much fun here - and that that is more important than any of the 'luxuries' their father gives them because they say he doesn't give them the emotional and loving things I give them. Their father doesn't rock them to sleep or lay in their bed with them at night until they fall asleep. Their father doesn't have of the kids pile up in bed with him on weekend mornings and talk about things as a family - even if it's about nothing important at all. Their father doesn't have 'tickle parties' when you are playing games with each other. Their father feels that if he is hateful to them all of the time and enforces all of these new rules that his new wife has inplace, and makes their life really strict and rigid, that that is what is going to make them better people - I dunno. All I know is that kids need both parents - no matter what those parents have to offer. I can offer my kids the little things in life and the simple luxuries that being a family brings, especially the love and affection. So, just take it in stride and listen to what your kids need. Talk to your dr and see if antidepressants will help. I know that my faith is what keeps me going day in and day out. - not only in this custody stuff but I also have health issues that get really bad and to keep everything in check some days, it's hard.
If you have a faith, then draw it out and use it. We can only control those things we can control and the things we can't control, we really have to let it go because if you don't it will suck out all of the life from within you and you will have no energy left to fight the fights that you can control - so pick your fights.

 

[whatthistime]

Remember you don't want our advice so you should ask your attorney for this custody battle.
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?p=1049165#post1049165

How is this legal advice?
You are a mean spiteful person and your comments are not welcome.
To the others. The only case that I had was my four year old's father suddenly appearing in his life, that is the case I have been discussing here for months.
My older children, whom I've had all along except for my 18 year old who lives with his father, have never been an issue until this one time with regard to the transportation.

rmet4nzkx, you do not belong on a site that is titled "legal advice". Perhaps my question isn't really a legal advice question, however, seeing as this is a meeting place for individuals who are all dealing with custody issues, I felt that I might be able to appeal for some support.
Now on the issue of who or what I am - here you go.
I am a 8 year veteran of the USAF. I am now a single divorced mother of 4. I worked for a major airline after leaving the AF and went to school at the same time. Upon meeting and falling in love with my youngest's father, I moved to Tx with all of my older children with the blessing of their father. I stayed with the airline until December of 2001, when 9/11 forced the reduction in force. At that time, with a baby who's father had abandoned us, I was hired on with the Deparment of Homeland Security, again serving my country while taking distance education classes to better my postion in life for the sake of myself and my children. I do this work, while raising my family. serving my country and trying lead a life of value, substance and honesty.
So, if it makes you feel good rmet4nzkx, go ahead and bash me, say what you will, be mean, go ahead. Yes, it does hurt my feelings to hear things said about me, yes it does matter to me that other people have opinions. But if it makes you feel more important, I am happy that I can brighten your day and give you glee.
Now I'm off to finish two papers for school, write a speech on overwork and cry because I'm too tired to see straight.
Thanks for your "advice" rmet4nzkx. Oh and by the way, I saw that old post by "stealth" and commented on it two days ago, not in 2004. Learn how to read the format.

 

[whatthistime]

Yes, I understand your feelings. My ex has a new home (plus her house she had before they married that hasn't sold yet and is sitting empty), his new wife, their eating out all the time, their new cars (his car, her car, and now a van on top of that), the trips to the mountains, the honeymoon to florida and the airplane flight down there, the easiness of him paying for all of that and an attorney - all the while me knowing he left me for her - an accountant that looks like a lesbian - they never smile, they never laugh - my kids say they never get in the floor and tickle each other or cuddle at all with the kids - while - me - I am married to a wonderful man now. But, he pays his ex $600 + in child support each month for one child while I don't get a dime of child support. My ex lives in a 5 bedroom house while I rent a 3 bdrm because I'm always scared to buy anything for fear that I will have to pay child support and a huge house payment one day -neither of which would be cheap for 3 kids. I have a car that runs at the moment but who knows about the next. They have 3 cars for 2 of them. My idea of eating out is Arby's or soup and salad from ($6?) from a nice restaurant. My idea of a vacation is sleeping in until 11:00 and staying in my PJs most of the day and cuddling with my husband and my kids watching movies or going to the park or playing with the slip 'n slide and grilling out.
I guess my only suggestion to you is to keep looking for the rainbow in the day. think about what your life would be like if your ex were raising your kids all of the time and you didn't have a reason to celebrate the little things every day with them. That's what I try to do. We started playing board games because it's cheap and each game is different. We laugh and play around a lot. The kids have told me that they have so much fun here - and that that is more important than any of the 'luxuries' their father gives them because they say he doesn't give them the emotional and loving things I give them. Their father doesn't rock them to sleep or lay in their bed with them at night until they fall asleep. Their father doesn't have of the kids pile up in bed with him on weekend mornings and talk about things as a family - even if it's about nothing important at all. Their father doesn't have 'tickle parties' when you are playing games with each other. Their father feels that if he is hateful to them all of the time and enforces all of these new rules that his new wife has inplace, and makes their life really strict and rigid, that that is what is going to make them better people - I dunno. All I know is that kids need both parents - no matter what those parents have to offer. I can offer my kids the little things in life and the simple luxuries that being a family brings, especially the love and affection. So, just take it in stride and listen to what your kids need. Talk to your dr and see if antidepressants will help. I know that my faith is what keeps me going day in and day out. - not only in this custody stuff but I also have health issues that get really bad and to keep everything in check some days, it's hard.
If you have a faith, then draw it out and use it. We can only control those things we can control and the things we can't control, we really have to let it go because if you don't it will suck out all of the life from within you and you will have no energy left to fight the fights that you can control - so pick your fights.

Thank you, you are right, it's just hard. You sound a lot like me, board games, tickling and snuggling in bed. Faith...well, I'm kind of at a crossroads with that but I know in my heart that somehow we'll make it through.
Thank you for pointing out the positive's.

 

[needscadvice]

guess I'm sorry I got in the middle of you two!

wow - if I had known that I would have stayed at the kitchen table eating..

How can you say you don't have faith? Obviously you do or you wouldn't be on here. You work in the armed forces in homeland security and the air force. You do have faith! or you wouldn't be able to do all of that and look at the horrible side of the world each day and death and despair. You have faith for your children and your future.

Other than that - to looking at the positives - you are welcome.

Each and every one has faults and each and every one of us have our positives. I don't spend my time looking for the negatives in people, I look for their attributes. My ex - I still see him as the wonderful 20 yr old that I used to know but that has decided to allow his heart and his spirit die somewhere in the process of the last 16 years that we have known each other. I still love him although I hate what he does to our children.

 

[whatthistime]

Thanks

I did'nt say I don't have faith, only that I'm at a crossroads. I'm taking a class called "Religious Quest through History" and it's really made me think.
Believe me, if I could settle this I would, he won't.
Time to go to work.