How much info does ex get?

[luckymom]

My ex, the NCP, has been bugging me to give him names and phone numbers of my family and friends in case of an "emergency." He has offered to give me similar information. He has my work, home, and cell numbers, and I see no reason to give him information on the 3rd parties in my life, nor do I want his. Does he have any right to this info?

Also, I often take advantage of visitation periods to travel, sometimes for business, sometimes for recreation. Ex says I should give him info on my travel plans. Again, he has my cell number and I have his, and I see no reason to spell out where I am to him. Do I have an obligation to give him this information? Of course, I check in with our daughter when I am away.

A third question. My daughter attends a private school. I pay for it. I am not court ordered to do so. I have instructed the school to send report cards, test grades, etc. directly to ex. I have asked teachers to put him on the "broadcast" e-mail list. He apparently contacted the school and asked that information regarding tuition and my payments to be sent to him. Does he get this information when he does not pay? Believe me, he is not offering to!

 

[Gracie3787]

My ex, the NCP, has been bugging me to give him names and phone numbers of my family and friends in case of an "emergency." He has offered to give me similar information. He has my work, home, and cell numbers, and I see no reason to give him information on the 3rd parties in my life, nor do I want his. Does he have any right to this info?

Also, I often take advantage of visitation periods to travel, sometimes for business, sometimes for recreation. Ex says I should give him info on my travel plans. Again, he has my cell number and I have his, and I see no reason to spell out where I am to him. Do I have an obligation to give him this information? Of course, I check in with our daughter when I am away.

A third question. My daughter attends a private school. I pay for it. I am not court ordered to do so. I have instructed the school to send report cards, test grades, etc. directly to ex. I have asked teachers to put him on the "broadcast" e-mail list. He apparently contacted the school and asked that information regarding tuition and my payments to be sent to him. Does he get this information when he does not pay? Believe me, he is not offering to!

First, does your court order address any of those issues?

As far as given him other contact info, unless your court order or state laws require it, that is something that you can decide for yourself. Personally though, it would be a good idea to give him another emergency contact number for a relative or close friend. especially because you travel so much. I have learned the hard way that sometimes horrible things can happen to people, and secondary contact numbers are extremely important.

As for the tuition and payments, I can understand why you are upset, but, that might fall under the other parent's right to have acsess to their child's educational records. I'm not sure on that though. Hopefully someone more knowledgeable on that point can give a more accurate answer.

 

[nextwife]

It is unwise for you to each NOT have additional family contact information. After all if something happened to you, how could he track down his child, and if something happened to him during HIS time of possession (say, child was at camp, and a bridge collapsed below after he dropped the child at their camp bus? WHO would you call or vice versa?), how would you know how to contact his family?

 

[CJane]

My ex-husband has my father and step-mother's numbers/address/etc, my sisters' numbers, and my mom and step-dad's numbers. Less 'just in case' and more because we were married for almost 10 years...

My current BF has my sisters' numbers and contact info for my dad and step-mom (they live less than a mile from him), as well as my best friends' numbers.

Asshat (my son's father) has no contact info for anyone but me, but he's also never spent any time with our child either.

 

[luckymom]

My ex-husband has my father and step-mother's numbers/address/etc, my sisters' numbers, and my mom and step-dad's numbers. Less 'just in case' and more because we were married for almost 10 years...

My current BF has my sisters' numbers and contact info for my dad and step-mom (they live less than a mile from him), as well as my best friends' numbers.

Asshat (my son's father) has no contact info for anyone but me, but he's also never spent any time with our child either.

My ex has my dad's number and address, because--as in your case--he knows it from when we were married. And I am careful to let my dad and sister know where I am at all times. I am also careful to make sure when I travel that I am due to return at least a full 24 hours before my daughter is due to return.

I don't want give him the names of friends, colleagues, or neighbors, and my orders don't require me to do so. There is a long history of what I would call harassment involved here and I want to protect my privacy. Ex is terming my refusal to give him info "neglect" and "endangerment." Would anyone besides him and his wife view it in these terms?

 

[LdiJ]

My ex has my dad's number and address, because--as in your case--he knows it from when we were married. And I am careful to let my dad and sister know where I am at all times. I am also careful to make sure when I travel that I am due to return at least a full 24 hours before my daughter is due to return.

I don't want give him the names of friends, colleagues, or neighbors, and my orders don't require me to do so. There is a long history of what I would call harassment involved here and I want to protect my privacy. Ex is terming my refusal to give him info "neglect" and "endangerment." Would anyone besides him and his wife view it in these terms?

No, its not neglect or endangerment. Your ex is a bit over the top here.

 

[casa]

He's a Drama King. He has all your numbers and your close relative's number. That's sufficient. He has no need to contact your coworkers, neighbors, friends, etc. That's intrusive and just shows he has no boundaries.

 

[CJane]

Ex is terming my refusal to give him info "neglect" and "endangerment." Would anyone besides him and his wife view it in these terms?

Heh. Ok, yeah, that's over the top. My ex wanted my landlord's name and number and wanted to me sign something giving him permission to access my rent payment history... so I get it... yours is a crazy person too.

 

[luckymom]

Heh. Ok, yeah, that's over the top. My ex wanted my landlord's name and number and wanted to me sign something giving him permission to access my rent payment history... so I get it... yours is a crazy person too.

Yep, "crazy person," "drama king," etc. describe him. Everything will be peaceful for a while and then he will invent some crisis that requires multiple e-mails for days on end. Recently, he's been hyperventilating about spring break flights. Yes, spring break. 7 months from now.

Of course, if I don't answer, he screams that I am refusing to co-parent!

 

[CourtClerk]

Yep, "crazy person," "drama king," etc. describe him. Everything will be peaceful for a while and then he will invent some crisis that requires multiple e-mails for days on end. Recently, he's been hyperventilating about spring break flights. Yes, spring break. 7 months from now.

Of course, if I don't answer, he screams that I am refusing to co-parent!

Maybe he means spring in the southern hemisphere. You know it's going to be spring there very shortly...

You and CJane have some pieces of work for ex's (followed, I think by mine). I think the info you've already given him is sufficient and he wouldn't get a piece of additional information from me at all, unless a judge told me to. As far as payment of the tuition??? If he wants to help pay for it, then he should get it. If not, as long as kiddo is still in school and he's still getting report cards and email blasts...it's a pretty good guess that the tuition is being paid.

 

[CJane]

Of course, if I don't answer, he screams that I am refusing to co-parent!

This is why I'm VERY glad that the ex and his wife have restraining orders against me. I'm not allowed to speak to her at all, and am only allowed to 'speak' to him in writing or on the phone and only about the children.

Basically, I have permission to ignore both of them in person, and to hang up on him as soon as he strays off the topic of the children. I'm almost going to be sad when they expire in October.

 

[profmum]

over the top on all the relatives/friends information he needs. Give him one or two emergency contacts and appease him (to get him out of your hair!)
School tuition.. he has the right to access his child's school records.. i say let him..
pick your battles !
my ex has asked for no contact information.. does not even pay his portion of the school ordered fees, is engaged in a bitter parenting plan dispute, but does not know jack squat about what is going on in his daugther's life, hasa ccess to all her preschool records, but does not know the new teacher will have etc.