How to get out?

[falexander88]

Washington State- My friend is in a really big pickle. Shes 21, unmarried with a sweet 1.5 yr old little girl. She lives with the child's father in a 2 bedroom apartment. He is controlling and has very strange rules. He does not allow them to leave the apartment or have guests over. He says it's to prevent his daughter from getting germs. He convinced her to quit her job to be a stay at home mom. We haven't seen her since the baby shower until last night. We weren't supposed to be there. She told us about his infidelities and at one point she got so mad she punched him in the arm out of passion. She tried to leave and get a restraining order but he beat her to it claiming the bruise was proof of domestic violence. She is awaiting her next court date but hes convinced her to come home and continue to be prisoner.

She wants to leave and is scared to do so because she believes he will leverage the pending DV charge to take her daughter. So she continues to be isolated from friends and family with no money, car, or means to escape.

Advice please! How do we get her out of there with her daughter?

 

[adjusterjack]

Make no mistake. She is a victim of domestic abuse. Emotional now, who knows what, later.

There are agencies all over your city that can provide shelter and assistance. Just google domestic abuse help and you'll find them.

All she has to do is pick up the child and walk out at the earliest opportunity when he is not home.

Unfortunately, if she is afraid to leave because of what MIGHT happen, then she is doomed.

 

[falexander88]

But can he report the child kidnapped or bring legal actions against her for removing the child from their home?? Shes no good to her child if the law regards her as dangerous.

 

[falexander88]

Also, at this time she looks like the abuser because he filed charges against her.

She spoke with detectives and was honest about it all, to a fault. She admitted to hitting him in the arm because he was sleeping around and exposing her to God knows what.

Theres no excuse for hitting him, she knows that but shes letting it loom over her. We need to know this open case wont hurt her chance to run.

 

[adjusterjack]

But can he report the child kidnapped or bring legal actions against her for removing the child from their home??

One cannot kidnap one's own child. They aren't married. There's no custody award, hence no custodial interference.

We need to know this open case wont hurt her chance to run.

I have no idea if it will or won't.

But if all you do is come up with excuses why she isn't going to leave, then I don't know what to tell you.

Sorry if that seems blunt but her only way out safely is the door. Whatever else happens she can handle from a safe place.

 

[LdiJ]

But can he report the child kidnapped or bring legal actions against her for removing the child from their home?? Shes no good to her child if the law regards her as dangerous.

I am going to repeat a previous answer: She absolutely cannot be charged with kidnapping. They are unmarried and there are no custody orders. However, if he reports her for violating the restraining order by coming home, she can go to jail. She needs to walk out with their daughter the first chance that she gets.

 

[falexander88]

I am just trying to collect information so I can combat the excuses. Like devils advocate or practicing. I'm giving all the excuses on purpose so I can kibosh them expertly when the time comes. This is a legal forum and I am asking if legally the open case can lead to further legal action by the father. It's not an excuse, it's a very real question that if I can answer it, might get her foot out the door faster.

 

[falexander88]

I am going to repeat a previous answer: She absolutely cannot be charged with kidnapping. They are unmarried and there are no custody orders. However, if he reports her for violating the restraining order by coming home, she can go to jail. She needs to walk out with their daughter the first chance that she gets.

Agreed. We already pushed on that one too.

 

[LdiJ]

I am just trying to collect information so I can combat the excuses. Like devils advocate or practicing. I'm giving all the excuses on purpose so I can kibosh them expertly when the time comes. This is a legal forum and I am asking if legally the open case can lead to further legal action by the father. It's not an excuse, it's a very real question that if I can answer it, might get her foot out the door faster.

The father can certainly go to court and file for custody of the child. The father could even try to get an emergency order using the temporary restraining order as an excuse. Whether or not an emergency order would fly, is anybody's guess. However, in a regular custody order mom should end up with primary custody since she has been a stay at home mother, and therefore the child's primary caretaker.

 

[Just Blue]

Is there an active restraining order in place as of now? If so is custody of the child addressed?

IF there is an RO in place she is violating it by living with her BF.

 

[falexander88]

Is there an active restraining order in place as of now? If so is custody of the child addressed?

IF there is an RO in place she is violating it by living with her BF.

She said it was a temporary 2 week RO back in August. So I believe it's no longer active but I'm not entirely sure.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

Look tell her to take the child and get out. It is really that simple. She is an adult you can't force her to do anything.

 

[Just Blue]

She said it was a temporary 2 week RO back in August. So I believe it's no longer active but I'm not entirely sure.

What is she going to court for then? While she is at court she can speak with police/DA/ DV Advocate and tell them what is going on.

 

[falexander88]

That's what I hope.

 

[not2cleverRed]

She said it was a temporary 2 week RO back in August. So I believe it's no longer active but I'm not entirely sure.

If she still has a court date over this, then the temporary RO is almost certainly active and she is violating it.

She needs to get out now.

Caveat: she also has to stay within the community, or at least not cross state lines.