How to handle husband demanding to see child when separated?

[cgm]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

I left the family home just a few days ago due to legal urging and moved my child and myself to my family in a nearby city. My husband is now sending me messages stating he wants to see our child and it will be today, no discussion, no arrangements. I do not want to sever the relationship between father and child, but my husband is very unpredictable and enjoys thwarting rules whenever possible. Due to that I have fear of him attempting to take the child, though I have no grounds, just knowledge of him as a person. Am I able to refuse the visit or insist on a date/time? Does the visit have to be unsupervised? And if he just shows up, what is my recourse? Very nervous.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

I left the family home just a few days ago due to legal urging and moved my child and myself to my family in a nearby city. My husband is now sending me messages stating he wants to see our child and it will be today, no discussion, no arrangements. I do not want to sever the relationship between father and child, but my husband is very unpredictable and enjoys thwarting rules whenever possible. Due to that I have fear of him attempting to take the child, though I have no grounds, just knowledge of him as a person. Am I able to refuse the visit or insist on a date/time? Does the visit have to be unsupervised? And if he just shows up, what is my recourse? Very nervous.

Assuming that your husband is the father of the child, he has EQUAL standing for custody as you. You do NOT have the right to thwart his rights to be a parent. I suggest that you start legal proceedings sooner rather than later.

 

[stealth2]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

I left the family home just a few days ago due to legal urging and moved my child and myself to my family in a nearby city. My husband is now sending me messages stating he wants to see our child and it will be today, no discussion, no arrangements. I do not want to sever the relationship between father and child, but my husband is very unpredictable and enjoys thwarting rules whenever possible. Due to that I have fear of him attempting to take the child, though I have no grounds, just knowledge of him as a person. Am I able to refuse the visit or insist on a date/time? Does the visit have to be unsupervised? And if he just shows up, what is my recourse? Very nervous.

You mean, take the child as you did? I agree with Tink that you need to file sooner rather than later, and request temporary orders. Dad has the same rights that you do to his child.

 

[justalayman]

You mean, take the child as you did? I agree with Tink that you need to file sooner rather than later, and request temporary orders. Dad has the same rights that you do to his child.

Pot, meet kettle.


cgm, your reason for leaving is not clear (and not asking for clarification if you are not so inclined). If it is a fear of physical harm, then by all means, get yourself to a court asap and get the custody and visitation issue started. If there is a true fear of violence, say so and you will likely receive some very different advice.

If not, then how could a mother with any decency separate a child from the other parent? You realize this harms the child more than it harms the parent, right?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

I left the family home just a few days ago due to legal urging and moved my child and myself to my family in a nearby city. My husband is now sending me messages stating he wants to see our child and it will be today, no discussion, no arrangements. I do not want to sever the relationship between father and child, but my husband is very unpredictable and enjoys thwarting rules whenever possible. Due to that I have fear of him attempting to take the child, though I have no grounds, just knowledge of him as a person. Am I able to refuse the visit or insist on a date/time? Does the visit have to be unsupervised? And if he just shows up, what is my recourse? Very nervous.

He likes to thwart rules? REALLY? Whose rules? You left the home why? Your husband if the father of the child, as others have said, has the same rights that you do. Sounds like you don't like the fact that he could do the same thing to you that you did to him. Why do you think you did the right thing? Why do you think YOU make the rules? *Hint: You do not.

 

[cgm]

Pot, meet kettle.


cgm, your reason for leaving is not clear (and not asking for clarification if you are not so inclined). If it is a fear of physical harm, then by all means, get yourself to a court asap and get the custody and visitation issue started. If there is a true fear of violence, say so and you will likely receive some very different advice.

If not, then how could a mother with any decency separate a child from the other parent? You realize this harms the child more than it harms the parent, right?

You're right, the reason is not clear. There is a history of alcoholism (by action, not admission), emotional instability resulting in consistent verbal abuse with the very real fear of violence to come on his part. My legal counsel is who advised me to leave based on the fully disclosed history of our situation. However, legal counsel was just retained, nothing filed YET, and it's a weekend and I want to know my options to act in the best interest of the situation. I fear him taking her not out of him doing to me what I did to him, but out of concern of his ability to care for her because of the state he would be in. There have been multiple attempts to get him to go to counseling or seek help and he has not.

 

[justalayman]

it's very difficult to offer any suggestions given nobody knows the facts of your situation. There is your version and your husband's, who has not posted anything.

how old is the child?

what makes you believe he cannot care for his child?



if he is such a drinker as you suggest, it would be a simple matter of calling the police if he drives to wherever you are staying to pick up the child. Since he would likely be arrested for DUI, well, he won't be taking the child anywhere.

 

[I'mTheFather]

You should consult the legal counsel you retained today.


ETA: Of course I know the lawyer wasn't retained today. However, you posted:

My legal counsel is who advised me to leave based on the fully disclosed history of our situation. However, legal counsel was just retained,

and

nothing filed YET, and it's a weekend

But, you also posted:

I left the family home just a few days ago due to legal urging

Surely, you've had time to file. And, I very much doubt, given what you've posted, there was any "legal urging."

 

[Proserpina]

You're right, the reason is not clear. There is a history of alcoholism (by action, not admission), emotional instability resulting in consistent verbal abuse with the very real fear of violence to come on his part. My legal counsel is who advised me to leave based on the fully disclosed history of our situation. However, legal counsel was just retained, nothing filed YET, and it's a weekend and I want to know my options to act in the best interest of the situation. I fear him taking her not out of him doing to me what I did to him, but out of concern of his ability to care for her because of the state he would be in. There have been multiple attempts to get him to go to counseling or seek help and he has not.

You claim to have legal counsel - we cannot and will not second-guess your attorney.

I do note with interest however that your counsel apparently advised you to leave - which is often excellent advice. But what you didn't say actually tells us more than what you did say.

Because you know fine well that your attorney didn't tell you to withhold the child, right? Right.