How to Move out of State with these Issues

[kids1st]

What is the name of your state? Missouri

Alittle on the past:
My X took off with our oldest son before the divorce was filed. He left behind the youngest son. When we went to court he admitted to the judge that he didn't want custody of the youngest son just the oldest. (two yrs apart). The judge gave him orders durring the divorce that he failed to follow. I have reports of abuse on him towards me durring our marrage and one durring our divorce. Long story short.. I was awarded custody of the children (we have joint) as of June 2003. In Sept. 2003 He had not seen the kids in 4 weeks (he never called or came to pick up) Then the oldest son started to disclose abusive things that his father had done to him like kicking him in the stomach after he fell off a horse. I went to the police and had him file a report. DFS (state of MO) did an investigation and nothing came of it. I denied him visitation when he had finally called after all of this came out. I told him it would be in the best intrest of both the children to wait until this is resolved. He went to the police station in my town and the police said that even with his court papers that he was showing them, they would not force me to allow visitation because of what the oldest son was saying. After this I never heard from him agian. It is now 1/2005 (16 mths later) I have no idea where he is and he owes over $3000.00 in child support. (if that matters)

My Boyfriend of 5 in a half years and have lived with for 5 years had a job offer in NC for NHRA (National Hot Rod Association) He took the job because of the pay and benifits thinking that I could go back to court and ask the court to move with him this would also allow him time to look at houses for us to buy. I just don't think it is that easy. Because we are not married and I don't have a top job waiting. I work part time so that I can be there for my children.

What are the determining factors for a judge to allow the custodial parent and children to move out of state? What is your opinion with these issues?

Thank you
Very concerned
Kids1st

 

[kids1st]

Update

I called the county courts office and they looked at my file concerning my divorce.

They said that it is NOT stated that I can not relocate the children out of state, that it only says that I have to send a certified return recipe with the information about where the children and I are moving and a phone number with a reason 60 prior. That there is no restrictions with in my divorce papers.

I called the lawyer who handled the case at the time and he said that I would still need to modify the visitation and to come in and talk to him.


What would there be to modify if he hasn't seen them in 16mths on his own fault.


At this point what could I do to make sure that he will not be walking in and out of there lives when he chooses. Can I get soul custidy with no visitation?

Still wondering what the judge takes into concideration concerning these issues.

Any help, advice, stories, opinions would be helpful

Thank you

 

[Joke]

I will just say that what you have stated in your post sounds like it is very favorable to you.

Make sure you have proof of any of the abuse that you can get. Document things, but DO talk to your attny and do it the right way legally.

You will need to modify your existing orders.

 

[kids1st]

Thanks Anyone else please

Thank you for your reply, Its nice to hear that.

My father contacted his friend that is a pros. attorn. (because I new he had a warrant) and he said that the X was picked up in St. Charles Co for having paraphinalia (spelling is off) This happened durring our divorce, the judge didn't know it because I just found out.

Can I get a copy of the report? Is that public information?
I have 3 reports of abuse on him one of which is durring our divorce and the my oldest child has one on him. My youngest was not subjected to the abuse that we know of but had a lot of behavior problems that durring the time, now that the father has been out of the picture he stopped getting into trouble at school.

Anyway Thank you Joke
Hope to hear somemore opinions, stories and advice
Thanks

 

[GLASSJAWGURL20]

im not sure, but i do think that the judge, with all the incriminating evidence and bs he has put you through, will allow you sole custody. I live in california, and they do "best interest of the child" ..and it looks like he has made no attempt to reach the children, and would do so out of spite for you (men are like that)..i would contact an attorney and get it taken care of ASAP

 

[kids1st]

Glass you said it

My X is a very controlling man (or tries) I don't fall into it anymore.

He took my oldest son for the soul reason that he did not want to pay child support and because he was mad at me. This was what he thought a way to control everything to his favor.

Sounds silly but it is true, Im not a spiteful person. I do not belittle my X to my children when they ask why he does the mean things he does I tell them that he is not really a bad person, that sometimes people get lost in there head and need somehelp and he just hasn't reached out for his help yet. What else can I say they are two very smart boys that targeted him the way they saw him mean & hateful. and yet I defend him to the children in a way.

Anyway He drug on our divorce for 4 years fighting and fighting until his lawyer told him he would not win. The kids had their own state opointed lawyer and their lawyer said that I could have anything I wanted to happen, happen. I could of had sole custody of the children then but I decided that I would give him one last chance that maybe he would change his ways and spend his time wisely with the children, I was wrong. Im kicking myself.



Anyone else? Anything a thought, opinion, advice, story, anyone?

 

[stealth2]

would do so out of spite for you (men are like that)..

Oh lord - cut the stereotypes. There are just as many women who pull sh*t on the ex's "just out of spite". One gender doesn't have a corner on the market.

 

[djohnson]

Oh lord - cut the stereotypes. There are just as many women who pull sh*t on the ex's "just out of spite". One gender doesn't have a corner on the market.

really,


OP, you have a great chance and everything you want but you do need to see an attorney and go about doing it the legal way. Or go ahead and send the letter cerified and keep the proof and go to an attorney if he tries to stop you.

 

[Ambr]

you have to send a certified letter stating your intent to relocate. There is specific information that has to be detailed in that letter. Your ex has 30 days to file a petition with the court to stop your relocation. If he doesn't file - you got it made. If he does -- you CAN NOT relocate the kids until the case is heard & ruled on.

It sounds like you would have a good case considering the fact that he hasn't been involved with the kids in over a year. The no support thing is a plus, since support is contact.

Maybe you will get lucky and he won't file anything.

But write that letter, certify it -- CC the court as well -- and don't do ANYTHING until that 30 day count down.

 

[msfurman]

its all in your favor. Provide the written notice. Keep in mind that the reason your required to file in that time period is becasue legally, he can object to it as long as it is done within that time period. Then your in court again. Thats what happend to me. I had to give a 30 written notice. I do so to him and the court. Even had him sign something a few days before I left just to verify that he knew I was registernig the child in a different school out of state. He even said it was ok to move and acted like it up until after I left. But then sneakily, he went to court right before the 30 days, filed saying I moved without his consent. Our state did not required a certified copy, so there is not return reciept saying he got the 1st notice whcih was more than a 30 day notice. So though I have a copy of my letter I sent him, he says he did nt recieve notice until a couple day before I left, the second one that he signed.

My point, everything is in your favor. But I say, Provide the cerified notice at his last known address. Dont make it a drwn out letter. Just put the info you need to have. dear so and so. Here is my new address. Provide it, and the phone number etc. Sign it, send it. Then when you move, have something notorized that shows when you left. OR actually, wait, you have children. When you register the kids, make sure registration is after that full 60 days, and provide the school registration forms as proof when you moved.

It is just that easy. I know ti doesnt seem like it. But as long as you give him the notice and prove that you didnt move before then, he cant do anything or sue you unless he object prior to the 60 days.

The reason your attny wants you to come and modify the visitation is probably becasue if you are moving out of state, making accomodations for dad who does have visitation rights so that it is not difficult for him to see the kids. I understand wher eyou are coming from when you say, why do you have to do that if he has abandoned the kids. I think your attorney just wants you to do that to make you look even better to the court. It shows that you made provisions for dad who has visitation rights even though you could not contact him and even though he has not contacted the kids. I think thats where your attny is coming from. I am not saying to not do what your attny says BUT, I didnt need to do that when I moved. But then again my situation is different. My attny told me to provide the legal notice and that I could move after the legal notice unless I receive something from the court or my ex objecting to it before then. If he tries to sue you, after the 60 days, his case is not really srong becasue he did not object in time.

I dont know the laws in your state about co-habitating unmarried. i have the same questions about that myself in my state. The only way to find that out is through an attny. Each state is idfferent on that issue.

Provde the notice and move after. You legally can.

 

[djohnson]

Why are renewing this old post to only say what has already been said?

 

[msfurman]

OH..me again, and yes, I would file for SOLE custody. Tell the judge you want it because (1) he has abandoned the children for 2 years and becasue of this has no father/child bond with them; (2) Have proof of the possible abuse reports from the police, doctors, social services. And make sure the jduge knows that after these cases were reviewed, he abandoned his paternal repsonsibilty. You'll get it.

I had joint custody of my child. Then dad decided he wanted to go the navy. I filed for sole custody and won. Why? Because the judge said that he would be unavailable to me or the children if I need to make any decisions like moving, school, religion, medical care....etc. So I am sure that if you go in there saying that you have made all the decisions and he has made him self unavailable to you and the children, proof of child abuse or violence that he did not answer to...........you got it girl!

He probaly wont showup to court for the hearing anyway. And if he does show to object to you having sole custody, you have plenty to get what you want.

Check with an attorney and see if he doesnt show up for court if you can request that his parental rights be dropped since he has abandoned the children. Are you and your boyfriend planning on getting marreid? If so, here is an option for you.............. Talk to an adoption attny. If he is willing to adopt your children, Get married (justice of the peace just so its on paper....I know, I know..not so romantic). He can adopt if you are married. Dad just either has to consent (which he might not), or if you can prove that there is abuse and abandonmnet. LOoks like you have both. Your new husband might be able to adopt without your ex's consent.
Think about it. Talk to an attny..an adoption one.

 

[djohnson]

did you even read this whole post? OP has already been advised. Someone unearthed an old thread. None of these are necessary. If you want to participate in the forum, please learn how it works first.