How to protect myself

[kb1179]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MS

This is year is my exwife's year to have our 2 kids for spring break. The oldest is 17 and a junior in high school (daughter) and the youngest is 11 (son.)

Our daughter the 17 year old told me she doesnt want to go to mom's this year for spring break bc she wants to go on a cruise with her best friend's family. I told her that was between her and mom bc it's mom's time so mom's decision on if she could go with friends or not.

Daughter talked to mom and mom chewed me out for telling daughter that it wasn't up to me but whatever. It wasn't up to me.

Mom then told daughter that she can go with her friend on vacation instead of going to mom's.

My question is how do I protect myself from a possible contempt case if mom decides to say I withheld daughter? Would something signed by mom saying that she gives daughter permission to skip this visitation be sufficient? Or does the order need to be changed?

Thank you.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MS

This is year is my exwife's year to have our 2 kids for spring break. The oldest is 17 and a junior in high school (daughter) and the youngest is 11 (son.)

Our daughter the 17 year old told me she doesnt want to go to mom's this year for spring break bc she wants to go on a cruise with her best friend's family. I told her that was between her and mom bc it's mom's time so mom's decision on if she could go with friends or not.

Daughter talked to mom and mom chewed me out for telling daughter that it wasn't up to me but whatever. It wasn't up to me.

Mom then told daughter that she can go with her friend on vacation instead of going to mom's.

My question is how do I protect myself from a possible contempt case if mom decides to say I withheld daughter? Would something signed by mom saying that she gives daughter permission to skip this visitation be sufficient? Or does the order need to be changed?

Thank you.

Apparently mom wanted you to be the "bad guy" and tell your daughter no. She said yes because she didn't want to be the bad guy.

I wouldn't stew over this too much. Mom may be irritated but I think its unlikely that a judge would hold you in contempt over this.

 

[kb1179]

I'm just afraid of her getting vindictive if she gets mad about something else...btdt with her. I could see her filing contempt on me and if I dont have anything to prove that she said it's ok that daughter didnt go to visitation what do I do then?

I just want to protect myself ahead of time rather than try to prove something later...the only proof I would have is having daughter testify that mom said it was ok and I dont wwnt to go down that road.

It probably looks like I'm being petty and worried abiut nothing but she can really be a hosebeast at times and I just want to make sure I'm protected ahead of time.

 

[latigo]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MS

This is year is my exwife's year to have our 2 kids for spring break. The oldest is 17 and a junior in high school (daughter) and the youngest is 11 (son.)

Our daughter the 17 year old told me she doesnt want to go to mom's this year for spring break bc she wants to go on a cruise with her best friend's family. I told her that was between her and mom bc it's mom's time so mom's decision on if she could go with friends or not.

Daughter talked to mom and mom chewed me out for telling daughter that it wasn't up to me but whatever. It wasn't up to me.

Mom then told daughter that she can go with her friend on vacation instead of going to mom's.

My question is how do I protect myself from a possible contempt case if mom decides to say I withheld daughter? Would something signed by mom saying that she gives daughter permission to skip this visitation be sufficient? Or does the order need to be changed?

Thank you.

Fugetaboutit!

No family court judge would consider such a frivolous motion. And even if so, your daughter would make a liar out of her mom.

You worry too much.

 

[kb1179]

When you've spent 10 years in and out of court with a contentious other parent you tend to worry. You tend to wwnt to cross your ts and dot your i's at every turn. I hate that it has to be this way but with my ex I have to always watch my back and protect myself.

And yes daughter could make a liar out of mom very easily but I'd really rather not have to put the kid in that position. Even if she is almost an adult that would be a really crappy thing to have her do. That's why I'd like to protect myself ahead of time. If a signed statement by mom would work great. I've already emailed her confirming our conversation regarding daughter missing this visitation blah blah blah and asked her to email me back so we're on the same page but of course she just ignores it.

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

Fugetaboutit!

No family court judge would consider such a frivolous motion. And even if so, your daughter would make a liar out of her mom.

You worry too much.

Second question though... does daughter already have her passport or other qualifying ID? If she doesn't, during the process of getting either of those, mom'll have to give her permission and so will you. That fixes that... IF this is the case.

 

[kb1179]

I'm posting on my phone and it doesn't give me the option to quote so my apologies.

As far as the passport...it's a cruise to the Bahamas so no passport required. Just birth certificate which I dont need mom's permission for since I have about 20 copies here.

Of note, even if a passport was required it wouldnt require mom's permission bc daughter is over 16 years old.

 

[kb1179]

http://travel.state.gov/content/passports/english/passports/16-and-17.html

Also cant edit from a phone. Sorry.

Here's the link to info about 16 and 17 year olds and passports. Parental consent is recommended but not required.

 

[Proserpina]

Second question though... does daughter already have her passport or other qualifying ID? If she doesn't, during the process of getting either of those, mom'll have to give her permission and so will you. That fixes that... IF this is the case.

Unfortunately Dad's consent isn't necessary for either.

http://travel.state.gov/content/passports/english/passports/16-and-17.html

She'll also likely have no problem finding a "qualified person"

She can get her initial driver's license with only Mom's consent, too.

http://www.dps.state.ms.us/driver-services/new-drivers-license/identification-cards/

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

I'm posting on my phone and it doesn't give me the option to quote so my apologies.

As far as the passport...it's a cruise to the Bahamas so no passport required. Just birth certificate which I dont need mom's permission for since I have about 20 copies here.

Of note, even if a passport was required it wouldnt require mom's permission bc daughter is over 16 years old.

Really?

Because from what I've read... it's hit or miss... http://www.us-passport-service-guide.com/passport-for-16-or-17-year-old.html

and sorry... didn't know she was only going to the Bahamas.

 

[Zigner]

Further reading: http://traveltips.usatoday.com/americans-need-passport-travel-bahamas-jamaica-106304.html

 

[kb1179]

I actually don't have a problem with daughter getting a passport. I want both kids to so I can take them on international vacations but mom refuses for the 11 year old so domestic vacays it is until he turns 16.

And daughter has had her license for almost a year. I have physical custody and mom lives 17-18 hours away.

The license situation is part of why I'm asking this question in the first place. The state says I didnt need mom's permission to let daughter get her license but since we have joint legal I did talk to her first. She was iffy about it but then said yeah fine whatever. A few weeks later she got pissed about something and filed a cotempt against me when she was down visiting family. Had me served and everything. And told me you have no proof that you discussed this with me. She ended up dropping it before the hearing but I still had to deal with the stress of pending litigation, time off to consult an attorney etc. I'd really rather avoid that scenario again if I can ahead of time. Especially considering that my current wife is pregnant with a high risk pregnancy and a bone tumor was recently diagnosed in our son. I have enough on my plate without petty crap from her. But she thrives on kicking me when I'm down so I'd like to head it off in advance.

 

[kb1179]

I read your link zigner but i dont think that info is correct. From carnivals faq:

http://m.carnival.com/core/faq.aspx

This is a carnival cruise she will be going on and it starts and ends in the same port. We also took the kids on a disney cruise to the bahamas in May and only birth certificates were required at that time.

If she does need a passport that's fine. She can get one

 

[Zigner]

I read your link zigner but i dont think that info is correct. From carnivals faq:

http://m.carnival.com/core/faq.aspx

This is a carnival cruise she will be going on and it starts and ends in the same port. We also took the kids on a disney cruise to the bahamas in May and only birth certificates were required at that time.

If she does need a passport that's fine. She can get one

Sounds like you've done your homework

I predict that she'll go on this cruise and have a great time

 

[Proserpina]

And honestly Dad, it's a non issue.

She's 17 - even if for some reason the court would hear Mom's complaint, what are they going to do?

Custody won't be changed.
There are no criminal charges.
They can't even fine you.

Your daughter is nobody's fool - she's going to realize (if she hasn't already) whether or not her parents have been looking out for her.

You're pretty safe in that respect