How to require supervized visitation.

[cmb1975]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

I live with my girlfriend, her three daughters (ages 5, 10, and 13) and my son. The two youngest are visiting their father who sees them about four times a year, he lives about 400 miles away. The 13-year-old refused to go because of past issues. The 10-year old dances competitively and had some bruises on her legs. The father is telling her he thinks it is from me—which she denies. He has not filed any complaints, but how do I protect myself and if possible help my girlfriend require him to have supervised visitation.

We have not addressed the abuse allegations with him. My girlfriend has a list of stuff that he has done to the girls recently and in the past to include verbally talking done about her (specifically against the divorce orders), cursing at the girls and about us to the girls, some threatening behavior. None of the girls like visiting and would tell a judge that, but we would hate to bring them into this. Also, the ex is a cop and tries to threaten with his authority. Physically, I do not think they are in danger, but I believe there is mentally abuse.

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

I live with my girlfriend, her three daughters (ages 5, 10, and 13) and my son. The two youngest are visiting their father who sees them about four times a year, he lives about 400 miles away. The 13-year-old refused to go because of past issues. The 10-year old dances competitively and had some bruises on her legs. The father is telling her he thinks it is from me—which she denies. He has not filed any complaints, but how do I protect myself and if possible help my girlfriend require him to have supervised visitation.

You can protect yourself by not doing anything and/or by staying away from the entire situation.

Other than that, there's not much you can do. Dad has the right to be concerned and even has the right to file a complaint if he is concerned.

We have not addressed the abuse allegations with him. My girlfriend has a list of stuff that he has done to the girls recently and in the past to include verbally talking done about her (specifically against the divorce orders), cursing at the girls and about us to the girls, some threatening behavior. None of the girls like visiting and would tell a judge that, but we would hate to bring them into this. Also, the ex is a cop and tries to threaten with his authority. Physically, I do not think they are in danger, but I believe there is mentally abuse.

If they're not in danger, then there's no reason for supervised visitation.

 

[cmb1975]

You can protect yourself by not doing anything and/or by staying away from the entire situation.

Other than that, there's not much you can do. Dad has the right to be concerned and even has the right to file a complaint if he is concerned.

If they're not in danger, then there's no reason for supervised visitation.

I believe this is happening because my girlfriend recently started asking for past due support and she let the oldest stay home this time. She forced the other two to go, but felt that a since the oldest is in high school she could decide for herself. I don't think he is worried me doing anything, I just believe he is trying to cause problems.

As for myself, I was wondering if I should take the offense hiring a lawyer or just wait to see if anything comes from it. I never deal with him directly and am not worried about a direct confrontation. With four kids in the house you are never alone, plus I am not worried about the kids lying. If he does file a complaint and it is malicious do I have any legal recourse against him?

 

[Proserpina]

I believe this is happening because my girlfriend recently started asking for past due support and she let the oldest stay home this time. She forced the other two to go, but felt that a since the oldest is in high school she could decide for herself. I don't think he is worried me doing anything, I just believe he is trying to cause problems.

As for myself, I was wondering if I should take the offense hiring a lawyer or just wait to see if anything comes from it. I never deal with him directly and am not worried about a direct confrontation. With four kids in the house you are never alone, plus I am not worried about the kids lying. If he does file a complaint and it is malicious do I have any legal recourse against him?

Why is your girlfriend allowing a child to disobey a court order?

No - the child does NOT get to decide.

 

[cmb1975]

Why is your girlfriend allowing a child to disobey a court order?

No - the child does NOT get to decide.

The child told her father she did not want to go. He begrudgingly has not complained about that directly. Additionally, she will likely still go latter, only for a few days, not for the full two weeks. No one wants an unhappy teenager around. However, I think he is harboring some bitterness about the situation. Also she went for the exchange, but she did not get in his car. Children may not get to decide, but they do get age appropriate input.


Additionally, I hope you are not referring to me saying anything about your spelling. That is a strange unplaced comment for this post.

 

[Proserpina]

The child told her father she did not want to go. He begrudgingly has not complained about that directly. Additionally, she will likely still go latter, only for a few days, not for the full two weeks. No one wants an unhappy teenager around. However, I think he is harboring some bitterness about the situation. Also she when for the exchange, but she did not get in his car. Children may not get to decide, but they do get age appropriate input.


Additionally, I hope you are not referring to me saying anything about your spelling. That is a strange unplaced comment for this post.

It's a signature line. It appears in every single one of my posts.


I hope when 13 year old decides she doesn't want to go to school, that Mom respects her "input".

 

[stealth2]

The child told her father she did not want to go. He begrudgingly has not complained about that directly. Additionally, she will likely still go latter, only for a few days, not for the full two weeks. No one wants an unhappy teenager around. However, I think he is harboring some bitterness about the situation. Also she went for the exchange, but she did not get in his car. Children may not get to decide, but they do get age appropriate input.

Wow. Hope Mom's happy when the 13yo decides to provide "input" in her direction. Mom's response to her little "darling's" assertion that she wasn't going to Dad's should have been "That's nice, dear. Get in his car. NOW." accompanied with "the look".

Since Mom didn't decide to force her to go, I hope the "darling" faced appropriate consequences when she and Mom returned home. Like immediate grounding for at least the length of the visit, plus immediate commencement of pleasant household chores - such as cleaning bathrooms. Thoroughly.

Back to supervised visitation - you say the children are not in danger. Then supervised visitation is not necessary. Nor is your involvement in their custodial/visitation issues.

 

[Ohiogal]

I believe this is happening because my girlfriend recently started asking for past due support and she let the oldest stay home this time. She forced the other two to go, but felt that a since the oldest is in high school she could decide for herself. I don't think he is worried me doing anything, I just believe he is trying to cause problems.

As for myself, I was wondering if I should take the offense hiring a lawyer or just wait to see if anything comes from it. I never deal with him directly and am not worried about a direct confrontation. With four kids in the house you are never alone, plus I am not worried about the kids lying. If he does file a complaint and it is malicious do I have any legal recourse against him?

If there is a court order, mom is NOT allowed the oldest to just stay home. The oldest is not allowed to decide anything. YOU are NOT a party and YOU cannot do anything about any of this. I don't blame dad for raising a fit because HIS daughter did not come see him. And, if a court order, that mom figured she could just ignore it. If a court order, dad should take mom to court for contempt for allowing the little teen brat to decide for herself.

 

[Ohiogal]

The child told her father she did not want to go. He begrudgingly has not complained about that directly. Additionally, she will likely still go latter, only for a few days, not for the full two weeks. No one wants an unhappy teenager around. However, I think he is harboring some bitterness about the situation. Also she went for the exchange, but she did not get in his car. Children may not get to decide, but they do get age appropriate input.


Additionally, I hope you are not referring to me saying anything about your spelling. That is a strange unplaced comment for this post.

So the child is a SPOILED brat who mom is allowing to not follow a court order. Dad should take mom to court for contempt. How dare mom allow a thirteen year old to dictate or decide anything. And no they don't get to have input into ignoring a court order. Unless they want to share the court sanctions and jail time. Oh yeah, they don't. That is on mom.

 

[cyjeff]

I agree... and it is complete BS to say "no one wants an unhappy teenager around"...

So, your girlfriend is risking contempt of court so that darling daughter is happy?

yeah, that will go over like a fart in church.

In fact, your girlfriend needs to have her 13 year old daughter in dad's hands TODAY. That is the only appropriate course of action.

For what it is worth, happiness in a teenager lasts a shorter period of time than the ice in a glass of fine bourbon. She is ALWAYS be pissed at her parents... Mom should just get used to that.

Giving in to a teenager's happiness gets you a slutty little teenager with a child, a tattoo and very active sex life by the time she is 16.

 

[mistoffolees]

For what it is worth, happiness in a teenager lasts a shorter period of time than the ice in a glass of fine bourbon.

Well said.....

 

[cmb1975]

Point taken, the offer to send her to him has been extended; however, while unhappy, he only wants her to come if it is her choice. The visitation is not a fixed date. It specifies that during the summer he will request his dates 30 days in advance and is fairly loosely written (the request was not made 30 days in advance, but it was an agreed upon date). Is this still a contempt issue?

I know words matter, and I am not sure if I have used all of the appropriate ones. My Girlfriend told her daughter that if she did not want to go she needed to tell her father and explain why. Some are valid complaints others are teenage gripes. He did have ample opportunity to say I do not care, you are coming anyway. Also, when I use the word force, it is about physical force. A better example is the mom saying “I am not going to tell her she has to go, you need to tell her/me she needs to come,” which he has not done.

I have to disagree with those who think “giving into your teenager’s happiness gets you a slutty little teenager with a child, a tattoo and very active sex life by the time she is 16.” This teenager is a model child (for us) who skipped a year in school, is in all AP classes, has a 4.0, and consistently makes good decisions—whether you agree with this on or not.

Personally, if I was in his shoes I would have listened, said you are coming anyway than tried to work on those issues during the visitation.

 

[cmb1975]

Also when I refer to my girlfriend, we do have a permanent arrangement. Because we were merging two families, we decided to move in together before we got married to ensure things would work out. I have been a significant part of the girl’s life for the past two year and have a stake in this. Not that it affects the father's rights any, but he has lived in a different state since the birth of his youngest child. There mother and I are responsible for the daily parenting.

 

[Just Blue]

Also when I refer to my girlfriend, we do have a permanent arrangement. Because we were merging two families, we decided to move in together before we got married to ensure things would work out. I have been a significant part of the girl’s life for the past two year and have a stake in this. Not that it affects the father's rights any, but he has lived in a different state since the birth of his youngest child. There mother and I are responsible for the daily parenting.

Gotta love this.

So nice of you and your girlfriend to bring the children into you little experiment.

 

[cyjeff]

Also when I refer to my girlfriend, we do have a permanent arrangement. Because we were merging two families, we decided to move in together before we got married to ensure things would work out. I have been a significant part of the girl’s life for the past two year and have a stake in this. Not that it affects the father's rights any, but he has lived in a different state since the birth of his youngest child. There mother and I are responsible for the daily parenting.

Awesome.

So the kids get to watch mom get her ashes hauled and you call it a permanent arrangement.

No, it isn't. A permanent arrangement involves at least a judge and a license. What you have is a bed buddy....nothing more. You have NO responsibility whatsoever. NONE... to her children.

Your significant part? Means nothing at all.

As for my previous comment... I have raised teenagers. You need to tell THEM what to do. The minute they begin thinking that they get to make their own decisions.... you lose the dynamic.

It's okay... probably has something to do with knowing about mom's "Permanent" bed warmer... after all, if mom doesn't have to worry about what the kids think about sex, why should she, right?