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How to tell mom that she's not getting anything

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Junior Member
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Utah

OK so here's the situation. My step sister has been having a VERY hard time at home. Her parents are both divorced and remarried (my mom & her dad). We have all talked about it and decided that she is going to come and live with us for her last year of high school. Everybody is happy with this arrangment.

Ironically now that they don't live together my sister and her mother get along much better. So much so that my sister has been having dinner over at her old house a few times a week with her mom and step dad.

Her mother has agreed to give my wife and me the child support that she gets. We have told her that we will spend this money on food, utilities, and for lack of a better term "rent." Here comes the problem/question: My sister's mom and step dad have asked us to let them keep $40 a month of the child support since she is eating ove rthere so much. They do contribute to her care by paying for all the incidentals that come up, like prom, medical deductions, lunch money, and various other things.

From my point of view, when she lived with them and my wife and I took her out to dinner or feed her, they didn't pay us. How can I tell her mom that it's not resonable for her to ask for that money back?

Thanks for your help.



You should be happy that she is giving you any or the child support.

Since she still takes are of other things I don't see why her keeping $40 a month is unreasonable.


Junior Member
Well, in Utah the way that child support is figured is a magic number is determined based on the income of both parents. This is the amount per month required to support that child. That number is then multiplied by the percentage that the paying parent is responsible for.

So in my case the magic number is somewhere around $420. My step dad makes 40% of the combined income. So he is responsible for paying 40% of the $420, which is $169. She is responsible for paying the other $251.

As stated before the magic number is $420, but she isn't paying me anything, all I get is the $169. That means, and correct me if I'm wrong, she should be paying $250 to me for the support of her child. She pays it in other ways, and I'm sure that lunch money and everything else probably comes close to the $250 a month mark, but to then ask for some of the small portion of money being given to me to care for her daughter, because she chooses to invite her over for dinner, is completely unreasonable.

Does the father that is paying child support get to deduct the amount that he spent at McDonalds on "his" weekends from the money he sends every month? I'm not the only one that sees this as unreasonable am I?

Whyte Noise

Senior Member
Figuring it in Utah is no different than the way most other states figure it. It's called an income shares model.

All that's ordered to be paid (I'm assuming there's a court order for your step-dad to pay CS) is $169. The custodial parent doesn't "pay" themselves, that amount is attributed to them as their share and factored into the equation as what they would be spending per month on the child themselves.

To be frank, she doesn't HAVE to pay you anything. Morally it's the right thing to do, and she is. However, the court order isn't for you, her, and your stepdad it's for the 2 of them only. No, she shouldn't be paying you $250 a month.

If you want to get down to it, put in YOUR income and HERS in the Utah CS calculator online and see what it says she should pay if she doesn't have custody.

Honestly, it's $40. If you can do without it, then give it back to her. You willingly took your stepsister in and you're to be commended for that. You should also know that since she's getting along with mom right now if you really want to push this issue it could just make her want to go back there and not stay with you anymore. You don't state her age, but I'm guessing a pre-teen or teen based on your post...?? That's a weird age (I have them myself) and her mind can change like the direction of the wind.

Like I said, it's $40. And to be honest, NCP's can get a reduction in CS based on the number of nights the child is in their home and what they provide for the child during that time. If your stepsister is eating over there 2 or 3 nights a week... *shrugs* I'd write the $40 off.


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