I am frustrated, Advise anyone?

[burnish66]

What is the name of your state? IN

What a mess I seem to be in. Any advice would be helpful.
My daughter was born to my ex-girlfriend and me 11 years ago. Within a year, we had split up but we were able to come to terms like adults about the issues of raising our daughter. I would pay a set sum of support, help pay medical bills, clothing and when it was time for school, split the cost of that as well. There was no court order. I had signed a paper at the hospital when she was born, I believe this was a "presumed father" affidavit of paternity. Over the years we have managed to keep it together for at least our childs sake through some hard times. I always had my daughter, every weekend, every school break, basically, every chance that was available, I had her. Our homemade "visitation" ( I hate that word) was very liberal. I took her to her basketball practices/games, swimming practices/meets, I went to every one of her baseball games, (I could'nt take her to these practices because of my work schedule.) Her mom had taken her to very few of these events presumably because of her work schedule. Now, I'm not trying to imply that she is not a good mother, just one that seems to be busy when it comes to extracurricular activities. I still did'nt mind. This past Christmas break when I picked her up which was on a Friday, her mother told me I needed to bring her back on Sunday because of a doctor appointment that she had on Monday. We had a bad snowstorm so the appointment was cancelled and my ex wanted to know if I would just meet her at the doctors office on Thursday for her appointment which I did. Appairently, my ex believed she had some sort of yiest infection, but as it turned out, it was gonnerhea. My daughter had been molested. My ex basically accused me and told me I would not see her until I had a test done and she also wanted tests from my father, brother and nephew. We all got the tests immediatly, which they cost a good bit of money, and we all came back negative. In the meantime, it was made known to us that you can be treated for STD's anominously, so she still would not let her go with me. After being interviewed by social services and the police, I tried many times to get her with no results. I have kept up a dialog with these departments and they tell me that she dont return phone calls, cancels appointments and even quit taking our daughter to the therapy sessions that were recommended after one time. There are still no viable suspects but I had thought I would surley be seeing my daughter by now. Here's where it gets more complicated. I have been offered a job in SC, it is the "dream" job. After all these years, I would finally have full medical benefits for my daughter, be able to up the support and make an overall better life for myself. When I got back from the Carolina's for my interview, I had called the prosecuting attorney to check on the statis of my daughter's case, (the investigating officer had told me he turned it over to them). They could'nt find a record of it. I went to the police station and this officer has now moved out of state. When I told my ex that I had contacted the prosecuter, SHE WENT OFF!, "why did'nt you call me first" and so on. Came right out and accused me of being the pediphile and told me I would be moving "over her dead body, and I'll be getting a letter in the mail". I have retained an attorney, and the wheels are in motion. What are the chances that she can keep me from moving, get charges levied against me and keep me from ever seeing my daughter again? Any advice would be nice and greatly appreciated. Sorry the post is so long, but I am trying to let you get a feel of the situation. Thank You.

 

[tigger22472]

Ok.. you're biggest problem is that nothing was ever written into a COURT ORDER for anything. HOWEVER, that being said, she can not prevent you from moving. Yes, here in Indiana what you signed was an acknowledgement of paternity so at least that is out of the way. However, you do need to get things in order through a court order adn quickly because since there has not been official custody and/or visitation set she doesn't have to allow you to see the child.

Now, as far as the other issue, have you contacted DFS also as well as the police? DFS can come in adn cause more problems then you can even imagine at times HOWEVER, they can get or at least attempt to get to the bottom of the STD issue. I am going to assume however though that the doctor would have been required to report this to them. The more cooperative you are the better things will be(I'm not indicating that you aren't). With the child being 11 there can be court ordered counseling (suggesting doesn't matter) and at 11 hopefully she would tell who the person is/was. As far as getting you charged they would need proof that it was you. You shouldn't have a fear of charges as long as what you say is true. If for instance it WAS one of your family members or friends your ex could keep the child away from that person but not from you if there is a court order.

Out of curiosity, what county are you dealing with?

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? IN

What a mess I seem to be in. Any advice would be helpful.
My daughter was born to my ex-girlfriend and me 11 years ago. Within a year, we had split up but we were able to come to terms like adults about the issues of raising our daughter. I would pay a set sum of support, help pay medical bills, clothing and when it was time for school, split the cost of that as well. There was no court order. I had signed a paper at the hospital when she was born, I believe this was a "presumed father" affidavit of paternity. Over the years we have managed to keep it together for at least our childs sake through some hard times. I always had my daughter, every weekend, every school break, basically, every chance that was available, I had her. Our homemade "visitation" ( I hate that word) was very liberal. I took her to her basketball practices/games, swimming practices/meets, I went to every one of her baseball games, (I could'nt take her to these practices because of my work schedule.) Her mom had taken her to very few of these events presumably because of her work schedule. Now, I'm not trying to imply that she is not a good mother, just one that seems to be busy when it comes to extracurricular activities. I still did'nt mind. This past Christmas break when I picked her up which was on a Friday, her mother told me I needed to bring her back on Sunday because of a doctor appointment that she had on Monday. We had a bad snowstorm so the appointment was cancelled and my ex wanted to know if I would just meet her at the doctors office on Thursday for her appointment which I did. Appairently, my ex believed she had some sort of yiest infection, but as it turned out, it was gonnerhea. My daughter had been molested. My ex basically accused me and told me I would not see her until I had a test done and she also wanted tests from my father, brother and nephew. We all got the tests immediatly, which they cost a good bit of money, and we all came back negative. In the meantime, it was made known to us that you can be treated for STD's anominously, so she still would not let her go with me. After being interviewed by social services and the police, I tried many times to get her with no results. I have kept up a dialog with these departments and they tell me that she dont return phone calls, cancels appointments and even quit taking our daughter to the therapy sessions that were recommended after one time. There are still no viable suspects but I had thought I would surley be seeing my daughter by now. Here's where it gets more complicated. I have been offered a job in SC, it is the "dream" job. After all these years, I would finally have full medical benefits for my daughter, be able to up the support and make an overall better life for myself. When I got back from the Carolina's for my interview, I had called the prosecuting attorney to check on the statis of my daughter's case, (the investigating officer had told me he turned it over to them). They could'nt find a record of it. I went to the police station and this officer has now moved out of state. When I told my ex that I had contacted the prosecuter, SHE WENT OFF!, "why did'nt you call me first" and so on. Came right out and accused me of being the pediphile and told me I would be moving "over her dead body, and I'll be getting a letter in the mail". I have retained an attorney, and the wheels are in motion. What are the chances that she can keep me from moving, get charges levied against me and keep me from ever seeing my daughter again? Any advice would be nice and greatly appreciated. Sorry the post is so long, but I am trying to let you get a feel of the situation. Thank You.

Are you saying a 10/11 yr old girl had an STD and no one ever pursued the matter of molest?! Have you been consistently contacting DFS?

You need to file in court- file for custody. At the very least you will get legal visitation outlined so the mother can't continue denying you contact with your child. Ask the court order counseling based on the STD and molest issues. At her age- over time- the issue should come to light.

It always makes me suspicious when a parent will not take a child to counseling under these circumstances (the mother, not you)...It makes one wonder what she is hiding

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? IN

What a mess I seem to be in. Any advice would be helpful.
My daughter was born to my ex-girlfriend and me 11 years ago. Within a year, we had split up but we were able to come to terms like adults about the issues of raising our daughter. I would pay a set sum of support, help pay medical bills, clothing and when it was time for school, split the cost of that as well. There was no court order. I had signed a paper at the hospital when she was born, I believe this was a "presumed father" affidavit of paternity. Over the years we have managed to keep it together for at least our childs sake through some hard times. I always had my daughter, every weekend, every school break, basically, every chance that was available, I had her. Our homemade "visitation" ( I hate that word) was very liberal. I took her to her basketball practices/games, swimming practices/meets, I went to every one of her baseball games, (I could'nt take her to these practices because of my work schedule.) Her mom had taken her to very few of these events presumably because of her work schedule. Now, I'm not trying to imply that she is not a good mother, just one that seems to be busy when it comes to extracurricular activities. I still did'nt mind. This past Christmas break when I picked her up which was on a Friday, her mother told me I needed to bring her back on Sunday because of a doctor appointment that she had on Monday. We had a bad snowstorm so the appointment was cancelled and my ex wanted to know if I would just meet her at the doctors office on Thursday for her appointment which I did. Appairently, my ex believed she had some sort of yiest infection, but as it turned out, it was gonnerhea. My daughter had been molested. My ex basically accused me and told me I would not see her until I had a test done and she also wanted tests from my father, brother and nephew. We all got the tests immediatly, which they cost a good bit of money, and we all came back negative. In the meantime, it was made known to us that you can be treated for STD's anominously, so she still would not let her go with me. After being interviewed by social services and the police, I tried many times to get her with no results. I have kept up a dialog with these departments and they tell me that she dont return phone calls, cancels appointments and even quit taking our daughter to the therapy sessions that were recommended after one time. There are still no viable suspects but I had thought I would surley be seeing my daughter by now. Here's where it gets more complicated. I have been offered a job in SC, it is the "dream" job. After all these years, I would finally have full medical benefits for my daughter, be able to up the support and make an overall better life for myself. When I got back from the Carolina's for my interview, I had called the prosecuting attorney to check on the statis of my daughter's case, (the investigating officer had told me he turned it over to them). They could'nt find a record of it. I went to the police station and this officer has now moved out of state. When I told my ex that I had contacted the prosecuter, SHE WENT OFF!, "why did'nt you call me first" and so on. Came right out and accused me of being the pediphile and told me I would be moving "over her dead body, and I'll be getting a letter in the mail". I have retained an attorney, and the wheels are in motion. What are the chances that she can keep me from moving, get charges levied against me and keep me from ever seeing my daughter again? Any advice would be nice and greatly appreciated. Sorry the post is so long, but I am trying to let you get a feel of the situation. Thank You.

In Indiana, in an unwed situation, the mother has full custody until a judge says otherwise. So at this point, mom is in control.

She can't stop you from moving to SC. You are perfectly free to do that. However, of course, if you got charged with a crime the state could prevent you from moving.

Your child is 11. Therefore she has to be telling her mother SOMETHING about how she got the STD. A move to another state in the middle of this investigation could look suspicious.

 

[casa]

In Indiana, in an unwed situation, the mother has full custody until a judge says otherwise. So at this point, mom is in control.

She can't stop you from moving to SC. You are perfectly free to do that. However, of course, if you got charged with a crime the state could prevent you from moving.

Your child is 11. Therefore she has to be telling her mother SOMETHING about how she got the STD. A move to another state in the middle of this investigation could look suspicious.

I think the fact he & his family members immediately tested (& negative), plus the fact that he is the one calling the DA and DFS...shows some credibility.

I agree though, that moving right now is probably not the wisest choice. I think he needs to file and fight for custody- get this case opened up before a judge so that the proper interventions can be court ordered, and get to the bottom of this situation.

 

[LdiJ]

I think the fact he & his family members immediately tested (& negative), plus the fact that he is the one calling the DA and DFS...shows some credibility.

I agree though, that moving right now is probably not the wisest choice. I think he needs to file and fight for custody- get this case opened up before a judge so that the proper interventions can be court ordered, and get to the bottom of this situation.

That particular STD physically manifests itself much more quickly and obviously in men than in woman. Therefore a man with that particular STD could have been treated and had it cleared up long before mom had any idea that the child had anything wrong with her that required a doctor.

I am not accusing dad....I am just trying to look at this the way that an investigator would look at it. Someone did this to the child. Apparently there aren't any men in the child's life on mom's side. (or at least dad didn't mention any) so that would tend to put suspicion on dad's household/family.
That is why the move to SC could look suspicious.

 

[tigger22472]

I agree about the move maybe not being the best right now.

I think it should also be mentioned that there has been a HUGE state and federal crackdown on DFS here in Indiana as of late and DFS workers are 'under' a lot of scrutney(sp). The best move for Dad is to stay on top of this and stay cooperative.

 

[burnish66]

there is alot more facts

State: IN Porter County

My daughter's mother has led a permiscuous lifestyle with several of these men shacking up with her from time to time. When this all happened, she was engaged to a guy. Within a week, they we're split up and he was out of the picture. To me, thats suspicious. I have told the police all of this stuff. She also did'nt offer any information to the police to the fact that she has 2 brothers who consistantly have teenage boozin parties and I have found out that upon occasion, my daughter has been at her grandmother's during these parties. My Lawyer just called me a little while ago and said that the paperwork is ready for my signature so I'm off to his office first thing in the morning. We are filing for a motion of full custody (does that sound right?) on the grounds that these events happened while in the mother's primary care. We are hoping that I will at the very least, some part of custody and the visitation rights that are mine. There are other issues that can be brought to the table if needed that include child endangerment. I just want to be my daughter's dad. And to have some kind of "say-so" in her life. Another thing is that on Christmas day, I became engaged and am to get married this summer. I think she is also being resentful about that. Also, I have already talked to all the agencies, ie: social sevices, police and the prosecuter and told them about the move. I did this immediatly upon returning from SC. I gave them my new address and phone number. None of them seemed in the least concerned by it and told me they would keep me informed if anything new was discovered. Thanks, I appreciate all your comments, it really helps.

 

[Rushia]

I really don't have any advice for you, but I wanted to say that I am sorry for your little girl to have to go thru this at such a young age. I hope that she will be able to get the help that she needs. Good luck to you and her.

 

[tigger22472]

I fear that you may be prematurely jumping the gun here. Now, I don't know much about Porter county and their ways of doing things, although a little familiar with Newton and Lake counties which is close to you.

My fear of jumping the gun for custody is based on the fact that it's not been proven where or from whom you child contracted the STD. You are reasonably certain it didn't come from you or your family but you also can't prove it came from an associate of mom's. You can THINK whatever you want but thinking and proving something are different. If you file for custody now I fear you are wasting your money. My personal opinion is you need to concentrate on DFS, the police, the doctor etc.. and then discuss custody.