I feel my daughter is better off with me

[franticfather]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? I live in spokane WA but daughter lives in post falls Id (only about 15 miles)
Ok here goes; I did not meet my daughter until she was 6 as her mother had to paternity test several(5!) possible fathers and I honestly as a 17yr old at the time was scared and wanted to ignore what was a strong possibility of me being the father. This wasnt a relationship it was a one night stand. I recieved a order of paternity establishment 2 months before I was released from prison(previous drug history clean for seven years now) I have now been involved in my daughters life for 4 years and have been disgusted with the mothers home and the unclean circumstances that my daughter has had to live in the entire time. Up to this time I felt it necessary to establish stability and prove myself as a reformed person ,no longer a druggie etc. Recently my daughter was molested by a friends father and claims to have told her mother and nothing was done. I realize this info is coming from a ten yr old and leaves some question as to validity. Either way that coupled with a nasty home(trailer park conditions that most people wouldnt let their worst enemy live in,not bathing enough,not being made to brush teeth,poor nutrition etc..) Dont get me wrong I do believe the mother loves her kids and does care for them it is just quite obvious that my wife and I can provide a safer cleaner home for her. Do I have any hope here? I am trying to come up with the money for a lawyer and a GAL. Other than that what do I do? I am not financially well of but my wife and I own a house and pay our bills for the most part (occasional hard times) the mom is on every form of state assistance available. The mom also keeps throwing my record at me (which is one drug felony and a variety of piddly little stuff) But I havent had anything but a speeding ticket in 7 years and completed a flawless parole. Sorry this is so long just seeing if I have any hope ans seeking suggestions hope I gave enough info.

 

[stealth2]

So - how can you prove your allegations?

 

[franticfather]

As to the molestation the guy is in jail and is looking at pleading out to 2 of 10 charges and a possible max of life in prison. As to the condition of the home my only geuss is to take pics while I am picking up my daughter and or hope the GAL is helpful in proving that aspect

 

[stealth2]

As to the molestation the guy is in jail and is looking at pleading out to 2 of 10 charges and a possible max of life in prison.

So his involvement is moot at this point. You have no proof that Mom knew and did nothing.

As to the condition of the home my only geuss is to take pics while I am picking up my daughter and or

LOL You really think Mom is going to let you do that?

hope the GAL is helpful in proving that aspect

So it's a fishing expedition? Not likely to fly.

 

[franticfather]

No I dont think mom will let me take pics but there are ways (pics with cell phone etc) and the GAL being a fishing expedition I am under the impression that is basically what they are for in theory arent they supposed to analyze both homes and decide where they think the best home is?! The lawyer I spoke with said the GAL was the best way to prove the home enviroment. Trust me if anyone saw this house they would deem it unfit quite quickly. Even though the police have said unless someone is abusing the kid as we speak they cant do anything about the nasty conditions

 

[stealth2]

Do you seriously think that, as soon as a GAL is appointed, Mom won't clean things up?

I'm not trying to discourage you, but you need to get things that are more solid. Parental standards are relatively low, so you need a buttload of stuff to change custody.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

This is a difficult situation. Can you clarify several points. While you were the 6th man to be tested, you said you were in denial and prison at the time, were you proved to be the fahter by DNA or determined by court order because you didn't respond? While you have visitation, what custody and visitations orders are currently in place? Is your daughter a witness in the criminal molest case, if so, it may be possible for the court to appoint a GAL at the state's cost since mom is on PA. Have you thought about increasing or spliting your parenting time since you live so near by?

 

[franticfather]

This is a difficult situation. Can you clarify several points. While you were the 6th man to be tested, you said you were in denial and prison at the time, were you proved to be the fahter by DNA or determined by court order because you didn't respond? While you have visitation, what custody and visitations orders are currently in place? Is your daughter a witness in the criminal molest case, if so, it may be possible for the court to appoint a GAL at the state's cost since mom is on PA. Have you thought about increasing or spliting your parenting time since you live so near by?

I was proved through DNA testing that I voluntarily submitted to. Yes I was in prison at the time I did the test. I was only in prison for 1 year for a drug charge. As to the molest case I spoke with the detective and she shouldnt have to testify as he has several cases against this guy and believes he will be pleading out to a couple of them making it less stressful on the various victims. The only orders in place is the child support order and up to recently the mother and I had worked out visits between us. On average I had my daughter every other weekend and a week here week there kind of thing in the summer. As it is becoming a critical time in my daughters development I am trying to assume a more active role in her upbringing but the mother and I come from different backgrounds so therefore see very differently on most things and she has more or less told me to F^$ off. So my thought at this time is to go for custody and see what happens either way I hope to at least establish more structure between the mother and I as to how our daughter is raised.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? I live in spokane WA but daughter lives in post falls Id (only about 15 miles)
Ok here goes; I did not meet my daughter until she was 6 as her mother had to paternity test several(5!) possible fathers and I honestly as a 17yr old at the time was scared and wanted to ignore what was a strong possibility of me being the father. This wasnt a relationship it was a one night stand. I recieved a order of paternity establishment 2 months before I was released from prison(previous drug history clean for seven years now) I have now been involved in my daughters life for 4 years and have been disgusted with the mothers home and the unclean circumstances that my daughter has had to live in the entire time. Up to this time I felt it necessary to establish stability and prove myself as a reformed person ,no longer a druggie etc. Recently my daughter was molested by a friends father and claims to have told her mother and nothing was done. I realize this info is coming from a ten yr old and leaves some question as to validity. Either way that coupled with a nasty home(trailer park conditions that most people wouldnt let their worst enemy live in,not bathing enough,not being made to brush teeth,poor nutrition etc..) Dont get me wrong I do believe the mother loves her kids and does care for them it is just quite obvious that my wife and I can provide a safer cleaner home for her. Do I have any hope here? I am trying to come up with the money for a lawyer and a GAL. Other than that what do I do? I am not financially well of but my wife and I own a house and pay our bills for the most part (occasional hard times) the mom is on every form of state assistance available. The mom also keeps throwing my record at me (which is one drug felony and a variety of piddly little stuff) But I havent had anything but a speeding ticket in 7 years and completed a flawless parole. Sorry this is so long just seeing if I have any hope ans seeking suggestions hope I gave enough info.

As another poster told you, the unclean conditions in mom's home are something that she can easily rectify to be prepared for a visit from a GAL.

Mom being on state assistance is basically irrelevant for custody purposes.

Obviously something was done about the fact that your child was molested, because the perpetrator is facing trial...its possible that mom was pushing for action all along, but properly kept the child out of it.

Your felony conviction will matter to some degree, but of course not nearly to the degree it would have mattered a few years back. It just may be a vague "blip" on a judge's radar now...or it might be taken a little more seriously.

The fact that you live in a different state might have some small effect against you (not tons because its so close, but a small effect).

Based on what you have said....I don't think that you have much you can prove against mom....and some negatives on your end. (but perhaps fairly minor ones at this point)

I think you are looking at 50/50 odds, at best. Unless you have hard, cold evidence that mom knew and did nothing about the fact that your child was molested.....I don't think that you have the "smoking gun", that you really need.

If you lived a bit closer I would recommend that you consider trying for joint (50/50 timeshare) custody rather than primary. If you are able to get her back and forth to school, without any hitches, in mom's school district then you might consider that anyway.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Then the best thing might be to petition the court for joint custody and increased visitation formalizing what you already have. This may be done in mediation and less likely to cause mom to resist than going for full custody and keep costs to a minimum. Start by asking for every other weekend from after school on Friday delivering her to school the next school moring Monday/Tues, 1 overnight per week, alternating and spliting holidays and 6 or more weeks in the summer, with the eventual goal of having your daughter 50% of the time. By then you will have a proven track record. Don't look to cutting child support until much further down the line or mom may dig in her heels and or your daughter will do without. Be sure to become involved at school where and when you can, attend teacher conferences and special events. If your daughter is in sports or other activities be sure to offer to provide transportation, etc even if it is in her town although there may be activities available in your town, again be sure to offer to provide some of the transportation but don't lure your daughter per se. Remember it is the best interest of your daughter, not who is the better or mor deserving parent.

 

[franticfather]

Obviously something was done about the fact that your child was molested, because the perpetrator is facing trial...its possible that mom was pushing for action all along, but properly kept the child out of it.


That something that was done is a detective contacting the mother and telling her what happened the mother did nothing!

As to the cleanliness yeah that part will be hard to work with.

It is looking as if more strongly outlined custody is the most likely case 50/50 etc. I am actually considering moving so that will be a little easier all the way around. Either way it is a difficult situation and I thank those of you who have responded so far and would like to pre-emptively thank anyone who responds from here forward