I feel sick**************.

[424Smudge]

My husband calls the children today and nobody answers the first time. The second time he called the step dad was yelling at the daughter in the background. My husband had the children's mother put on the phone and asked her why the step-dad was yelling at the children. Mom and dad started to get into a heated argument to which the daughter started yelling and crying into the phone that she was scared of him and that she didn't want to see him and didn't want to be forced to come out and visit him. After I talked to her a bit the only reason she could say that she was scared of my husband was because he yells at her mom on the phone. What do we (yes, I know... he) do? She was obviosly distressed about this but something is telling me that moms influence and lies to the children about their dad is pushing this along here. They used to have a great relationship before Mom got custody and moved away. She has never yelled at him like that before. What do you do when the mother lying about the dad causes the relationship between a father and his daughter get like this?

What do you do when your children have stopped loving you?

 

[LdiJ]

My husband calls the children today and nobody answers the first time. The second time he called the step dad was yelling at the daughter in the background. My husband had the children's mother put on the phone and asked her why the step-dad was yelling at the children. Mom and dad started to get into a heated argument to which the daughter started yelling and crying into the phone that she was scared of him and that she didn't want to see him and didn't want to be forced to come out and visit him. After I talked to her a bit the only reason she could say that she was scared of my husband was because he yells at her mom on the phone. What do we (yes, I know... he) do? She was obviosly distressed about this but something is telling me that moms influence and lies to the children about their dad is pushing this along here. They used to have a great relationship before Mom got custody and moved away. She has never yelled at him like that before. What do you do when the mother lying about the dad causes the relationship between a father and his daughter get like this?

What do you do when your children have stopped loving you?

Your husband should not have confronted mom about the stepdad yelling at the child at that time. Your husband should not have gotten into a heated discussion with mom at that time.

Your husband should have simply talked to his child, and dealt with mom later, when the CHILD WAS NOT PRESENT!

 

[424Smudge]

Your husband should not have confronted mom about the stepdad yelling at the child at that time. Your husband should not have gotten into a heated discussion with mom at that time.

Your husband should have simply talked to his child, and dealt with mom later, when the CHILD WAS NOT PRESENT!

According to the step dad the child WASN'T present at the time. He told him that the child was outside (hence the yelling) and that the mother was inside. And mom started to argue with dad not the other was around. She yells at him on the phone. Dad cannot see through the phone to tell if the child is standing there. Mom should say that the child is present and to talk about it later.

 

[haiku]

according to your first post, the initial phone call was specifically to speak with the kid, right?

the kid could be heard crying in the backround, right?

There is NO reason to have heated arguments with anyone.

hang up the phone until people can talk civily, its that simple.

 

[424Smudge]

The child was not crying at the time. The child NEVER picked up the phone until AFTER mom was put on it (I strongly suspect that mom went outside near the children just so that they could hear their mom yell at dad). A child not part of this relationship picked up the phone and the step dad was yelling at the child calling her names. According to the child that picked up the phone the daughter and son were outside. So if you called your ex and you could hear her new husband call your daughter a little **** you would just go "oh well" and save it for later? Heck no With him having a history of abuse I would talk to mom right then and there to make sure that he is not hurting the child. This is not the issue at hand here though, we are wondering what to do about moms influence on the children. We obviously cannot just go in there and say that mom is talking bad about him. We need to get proof. There has to be agencies in Az that specialize on this but we cannot find one.
I don't think it is the issue of dad arguing at mom, The kids hear mom argue with dad and feel they have to protect her since she is the primary care giver.

 

[Mbarr77]

The child was not crying at the time. The child NEVER picked up the phone until AFTER mom was put on it (I strongly suspect that mom went outside near the children just so that they could hear their mom yell at dad). A child not part of this relationship picked up the phone and the step dad was yelling at the child calling her names. According to the child that picked up the phone the daughter and son were outside. So if you called your ex and you could hear her new husband call your daughter a little **** you would just go "oh well" and save it for later? Heck no With him having a history of abuse I would talk to mom right then and there to make sure that he is not hurting the child. This is not the issue at hand here though, we are wondering what to do about moms influence on the children. We obviously cannot just go in there and say that mom is talking bad about him. We need to get proof. There has to be agencies in Az that specialize on this but we cannot find one.
I don't think it is the issue of dad arguing at mom, The kids hear mom argue with dad and feel they have to protect her since she is the primary care giver.

How about taking the child to counseling? Sounds like they may need to speak with someone impartial, that they can relate there feelings to!! Even if it is not to get "proof" against the mom, the child could really benefit it!

 

[424Smudge]

Just for the record he has NEVER yelled at the children on the phone or in person. He calmly talks to them. They are well behaved children, don't ever have a reason to discipline them. They used to be really close until the mom moved away. Now they come back with stories about how their dad is a deadbeat but they cannot remember who has told them these horrid things.

 

[424Smudge]

How about taking the child to counseling? Sounds like they may need to speak with someone impartial, that they can relate there feelings to!! Even if it is not to get "proof" against the mom, the child could really benefit it!

We have talked to mom about this and even offered to pay for it but mom says that "from her point of view there is no problem" She has said that she benifits from the children feeling this way. we tried to get them into counseling in court but the judge said that mom has the final deciding factor in medical decisions and that if SHE wants to take the kids then she can but we cannot.

 

[424Smudge]

OK now I found the name to a specialist there in Az but I need to know if there is a certain form that I can fill out through the courthouse that allows him to request that the children see this man

 

[tsjmom]

Reply to post about stepdad yelling at kiddies Dad was upset

Hello I read your post and I have to say. First off the Father has
the right to ask what the problem is. Keeping in mind Bio- Dad need's to understand that the man that is correcting this child is in fact raising this child. There for it is in the best interest of the child to be corrected, by the adult caring for them and the adult has the right to do this with out having to explain his doing so. (unless the child is in fact being abused but if that was the case the dad should have went to his children's home not handled it over the phone so I am assuming this is not an abusive environment just a disagreement in child discipline between Step-dad and Bio-dad)
I understand that Dad might not like to hear his child being yelled at but he really need's to remember that regardless if the child is on the phone with him or not when a kid has done something that was not acceptable they need to be told it is something that has to be done at the time of the crime because children who are corrected for there mistakes later long after the deed was done have a tendance to forget there mistake. Then when the parent comes to them later they are confused and hurt not really understanding why they are being yelled at they think the parent is yelling for know reason. I am sorry but your husband should be thankful to the stepfather for caring enough about the children to want to see them grow up to respect authority and live by rules . Also you said the kiddies are well behaved and you don't understand why they needed to be treated this way. OK first there is a reason those kids behave so well let me point out again someone cared enough about them to show them right from wrong and the right way to respect others. This is something a child learns not something they automatically know. You also have to remember this stepfather lives with these children Caring for there day after day needs. I am assuming for long time periods before visiting Dad.
Really Dad should be happy think about it You and your hubby get the kids and you guys go places and do fun stuff your time with the kids is more likely like a fun family trip and please tell me who don't like this kind of day. Then you send the kids back to mom and the kids go home counting the days till they get go back to Dad's you leave knowing the kids had fun and have good memories of the time you all had.
Then they get back to Mom's and it's back to reality chores rules at time it has funs but for the most part living a Mom's home is a training camp teaching these children and guiding them to grow into well rounded individuals. I am not sorry to say this but that Poor step-dad is the one who is molding the children to be good children so Dad and step mom can take them to play and let me add step dad does this willingly never once hearing Thank You from Bio-Dad for all he is doing.Relizingthis man does this not because he has to but because he loves the kids. then Dad on the other hand caring for the kids it is his job he should do what the step-dad is doing correcting the kids but for what ever reason he is absent and instead of backing the man who is raising his children he challenges him. Well I am sure the step dad would love to thank the Dad for making his job a little harder this man needs respect and support from the father after all they are his kids the one who should be correcting them. I am not trying to be mean honestly. But in all fairnessto step-dad Bio-dad needs to understand he is not in the position to be trying to pull rank. Therefor he need's to get to know the step-dad maybe share his thoughts on how he would have Handel the problem but never ever challenge the man's authority in his home. Funny how easy you can say the kids are angels. eiather of You live with them Kid's they get a little wilder and this is where they all try to see how far they can test athority,
Again I am not trying to be hurtful I just think you need to look at the stepfathers point a view. Stop making him out to be wrong if all he was doing was yelling at the kid.
If you want to point finger and say what he is doing is wrong and is hurt the children then please look what damage the kids own parents a causing the emotional damage the children are dealing with because the dad is absent is damage that will hurt much longer.
Always Me[/FONT][/B][/B][/B]

 

[MominMass]

They used to have a great relationship before Mom got custody and moved away. She has never yelled at him like that before. What do you do when the mother lying about the dad causes the relationship between a father and his daughter get like this?

What do you do when your children have stopped loving you?[/QUOTE]

I sort of doubt that the children have stopped loving their Dad. Mom has moved them away and they now have to maintain a long distance relationship with him which is a big change for them. They probably have to talk on the phone with him more and see him less. I'd bet they miss him, and Mom is doing her best to convince them that their Dad is not such a great guy. Google "Malicious Mother's Syndrome" and "Parental Alienation Syndrom".

Dad should go back to court and ask for telephone visitation on specific days at specific times. Motion should stipulate that there will be no interference of these calls from the mother or any other person.

Dad should also ask for family counseling to include mother and child. Perhaps a counselor can convince the parents to stop putting child in the middle of arguments. Both step parents need to back away - be supportive from a distance. While mother has custody to make medical and other decisions for child, court can still order mother to do this type of counseling.

I can say from experience that if Mom and Dad continue their arguments with the child in the middle, the child will be forced to choose a side. In this case it is most likely that she will choose the mother.