I Have a whopper!!

[seekingansrs]

What is the name of your state?North Carolina but theis case is in West Virginia. I am gonna try to make this brief but feel free to ask questions. It is very long and drawn out.

A boy that is very dear to me is in trouble and I don'e know what to do. His parents split when he was a top. He is a victem of mental and physical abuse at both of there hands. He was also sexually abused by a cousin. He has Bipolar disorder. He had early signs of mental illness. He has been on every medication under the sun. He wasn't diognosed Bipolar until he was living with me at age 14. His mother and father neither one wanted him and have always tried their best to find ways to get rid of him.

When he was 11 his mom acused him of sexually abusing his sister and put him in a phyciatic hosp. The sister denied it and even called her mom a flat out lier. But in the hospital he ended up confessing to it but later recanted when he was released.

at age 16 living back with his father during a heated custudy battle I got a call from him. I knew that he had not been on his meds for several months, he had not been to the Dr. and his dad had never enrolled him in school for the 2nd year in a row. He was very depressed and and stating things that told me that he may be having suisidal tendencies. I called his attorney ad lidem(sp?) I told her how the father was neglegting his medical needs and breaking the law by not having him in school. I questioned how this could be going on while these kids our in the system with attorneys and social workers.

It was one week later the father had made accusations that he had sexually abused a child and made him a ward of the stae and sent him to a Phyciatric hospital.

Now he has been there a year and a half and one week prior to his 18th birthday he confesses and charges are brought against him. No investigation was ever made. They used his confessions to councelors a phyciatric hospital to charge him. Never question the victems. The persons that made the only two innitial alligations ever were his abusers. The ones who stood the most to lose.

This boy and I say boy regurdless of his age. He has no futher than a 9th grade education, he has never been on a date, he has never had a drivers license, he has never been to a party with friends, never drank a beer, never done drugs, he has the intelect of a 15 year old. He is mentally ill and had gone through years of abuse.

Did this hospital take him in and treat him as an abused mentally ill patient or as a sex offender? Did he get proper representation? Were his rights violated? They say that they are sending him to a juvinile detentin center temporarily till they can get him into an adult Phyc Hospital! How long will that be? Can this boy handle that? I want to find someone to look into this but I don't know how or who will listen.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

What ever the cause, most likely this boy will never live independently and will require supervision in a structured and supportive environment. Without going into the reasons for my questions and based on what you have said thus far, contact the Guardian ad Litem, and ask if the child has been evaluated for nonverbal learning disorders or Autism Spectrum Disorders, including, Asperger's, these disorders may be misdiagnosed as bi-polar disorder in children and often do not respond as expected to medication, thus many are tried with varying levels of success. Ask for such an evaluation. What is important is that while a mental hospital may be preferable to jail, there is a different protocol for developmental vs mental disorders including different services available. If he is this disturbed, most likely he will be eligible for SSDI/SSI. A history of sexual inappropriateness is common and if understood may be approached in an appropriate manner. Social interaction may also be enriched in the appropriate structured environment.

 

[seekingansrs]

When I contacted the Attorney ad lidem before I could not speak directly too her. They typed my complaint and forwarded it to her. I have contacted the social services person that was involved in this case. After he was put in the institution my communication was cut off completely. They send back my letters the hospital staff will not speak to me. His grandmother keeps me informed. She said that she can't even right my name in his letters or they will return them. She has told him when she has visited that I send my love and he says he is not allowed to talk about me.

I don't understand Me and his grandparents are the only people in this childs life that have ever tried to protect him and always treated him with love. His grandparents had an attorney and wanted to fight for custudy but were told that was not an option. They spent there life savings in court on this attorney and got no where. Basicly finding out that what these kids say and want doesn't mean a hill of beans!!

The little sister now 15 wants to live with her grandparents but has been told by the courts she can't. She has spoken up on numerous occasions about how things are in her parents house yet still she remains with her father.

About Bipolar and the medications. The medications that he was given after the Bipolar diognosis were working well. There were some changes but the father would not take him to the Dr. to have his blood levels checked to see if the dose needed to be adjusted. He finally took him off all the medications at once. It all went downhill from there.

1. My fear is that the sexual charges are not true. That somehow he felt he would give them the information they wanted. Taking what he had heard in the unit by other patients and/or councelors and putting it into contexts for his own confession. I question does he know he is lieing now or does he believe it himself if this is the case.

2. Granted he still needs a structured enviroment but is sendind him to a juvenile detention center going to help him? Even if it is temporary. It will probably destrory anything that is left of him.

3. Was all this done within the letter of the law? Were his rights violated? Did he have proper representation? Last I heard a minor or anyone for that matter had the right to remain silent. Where was his Lawyer? Did this Hospital encourage him to incriminate himself criminally?

4. No one ever came forward and filed charges against him. it was his own father who made the alligation just 2 days after a phone call that could have sent him up on charges of neglect. One week later The boy is shipped out.
When the mother made the accusation it was the exact same senario.
Yet the sister who was supposeably abused never was put in counseling, taken to a Dr. or anything. She adematly denies it ever taking place. She has stated her mother is a lier.

I just don't think all these peaces fit. There is alot more as I said just too much to right.

I would love to ask about those other disorders but I dought that anyone will talk to me. I was going to call on Monday and use the fact that my daughters name was in the confesion to see if that can get my foot in the door. I know I keep rambling but his birthday is Christmas day and it pains me to know that he is going through all of this right here at Christmas and his Birthday.

 

[seniorjudge]

When I contacted the Attorney ad lidem before I could not speak directly too her.

If you have written that attorney a letter, try to get another appointment with her. That's part of her job: talking to those who know about the situation. Don't take no for an answer (but be polite).

 

[rmet4nzkx]

seekingansrs,
Please contact the GAL again and specifically ask about evaluations for Asperger's, this sounds very much like it including telling them what they want to hear and being influenced by others and why appropriate care is needed. There is likely some truth though to the sexual allegations although it may never be sorted out, as Aspergers runs in families, so families remain closed systems and a different reality or confabulation based on a bit of truth or the truth of the moment. Either Juve or mental hospital is preferable to jail but better treatment for developmental disability if he has one. As miserable as you may be about this, not having to make decisions all the time may actually be a relief.

 

[seekingansrs]

If you have written that attorney a letter, try to get another appointment with her. That's part of her job: talking to those who know about the situation. Don't take no for an answer (but be polite).

I will have to contact the grandmother and find out who the new attorney is. The 1st one quit last week after the charges were filed. That was puzzleing to me too.

I am in another state. I am suffered a stroke last year and am currently under agressive treatment for Lyme Disease and can't travel right now so I am trying to do all I can by phone and email.

I will also research Asperges and include that. I am not familar with disorder at all so I will educate myself on it as well.

Thank you all for the advise.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Here is a link on Asperger's, the sexual stuff is common but not a lot written about it, think in terms of inappropriateness
www.faaas.org/

 

[seekingansrs]

Here is a link on Asperger's, the sexual stuff is common but not a lot written about it, think in terms of inappropriateness
www.faaas.org/

I read your page and another page which went into more details in syptoms and he does have alot of symptoms but alot of them are consistant with Bipolar disorder. I was concerned about him when he was a todler and would play. When he was focused on something he would rock back and forth with short hum sounds off and on. They were constant and would get louder the more involved he got with what he was doing. I brought this up to his mother several times and told her he needed to be evaluated. He was never evaluated till kindergarden and then diagnosed ADHD. He stayed so drugged most of the time he was like a zombie. The humming and rocking went on for a long time. He lost the rocking but he actually still did the humming when he was living with me at 14. I noticed that he would catch himself doing it and change into singing something though. He is very gifted musicly. he plays the guitar (self taught) and writes poetry and songs. His writing talent is unbelievable. The way he puts his thoughts into words is remarkable. He always scores high on IQ yet does poor when he is in school. He does not have good social skills. It is very hard for him to keep friends. He wants them he just always says or does the wrong things. He always gets right in your face to talk to you. My husband used to talk to him about that all the time. He looks, talks and seems to be perfectly normal but he is not. He also takes the things you say and uses them all the time. Thats what worries me the most about his confession. He was nautorious for you saying something one day and the next day he would use your exact same words in his own story.

I am just not buying the sexual abuse stuff right now. I know these kids. The little sister too. The parents especially. If there were more to go on than just his confession It would help. Not that I am closed minded to the whole thing I just want to know more about what is going on. There are also more details that sway in the favor of these being bogus alligations but it is way too mind boggling and far too much to write so I am trying to keep it simple. Just keep in mind that this boy has been shifted between two parents that don't want him all of his life. Being abused and neglected. Finding peace every now and then with his grand parents and me but always having a longing to make his parents appreciate him and love him. All the while suffering from a mental disability that makes it impossible to be normal like everyone else. He knew this and cried on my shoulder many nights wanting it to go away, wanting to know why he couldn't be like everyone else. He was even afraid to sleep alone at age 14. Many nights he sleept on the floor by my bed. He said that first morning I found him there he was scared but didn't want to wake me up. I told him to wake me up anytime. After that first time he did , so when he did I would make him a palet so he wouldn't sleep on the bare floor. It would make a very sad book.

Please forgive for my spelling. With Lyme disease my cognitive skills are impared a bit. With out spellcheck I am lost.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Yes it sounds more like Asperger's and it frequently is diagnosed as bi-polar or adhd, because it has traits of both and responds to some of the medications.

Please contact the GAL and ask he be evaluated, keep us updated

 

[seekingansrs]

Just giving you an update.

I contacted the new GAD last week. He seemed very nice. He said that he did not have the file yet and did not seem familiar with the case at all. He took some names and listed to my concerns for a momment. I mentioned him being evaluated for Aspergers. He said he didn't want to go into much detail until he knew that he had the case. He took my number and said he would call me back when he got the file. He said if the case goes to someone else he will call me and let me know who to contact. I also told him that if I missed his call because I don't have an answering machine I would call him back. I will let you know as soon as I know something else.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

At least you made contact and having a good diagnosis will greatly affect his options in the future. Keep us updated.

 

[seekingansrs]

I have not heard from the attorney yet. i am gonna try him again today. I did get to talk the boy Tuesday. He is in a Juvnile Detention Center in general population. They are telling him it is temporary until they get him into a School in Philidelphia PA.. His Social Worker tells his grandmother he will get the help he needs there. I am not sure what kind of facility this is.

He sounded good. He did tell me about this place he was in. I didn't know what it was like. They put so much pressure on him. He said I didn't know what to say or do. He said he did do bad things. He takes responcibilty for that. He is frightened because he is in lockup with someone else from the same hospital who was like there special project. He told him that he faked everything. Now he is afraid that he is no different. That he got no help. That he faked it. I brought up one of the issues he lied about and asked him why he lied and he thought it really happened. Something on a hunting trip with my husband. That my husband allowed him to whip one of his hunting dogs. My husband doesn't allow anyone to punish his dogs. He saw my husband whoop the dog and it turned into him doing it. In his mind he believes it happened that way when it didn't. This is what really bothers me. When I explained to him that my husband never allowed him to do that he said are you sure? I said yes. He said but that is what I remember.

I can't explain it. I don't know what to believe. I know he told tall tales that he seemed to believe but I always thought he was lying. This tale was to alberate on him abusing animals to incriminate him. I have seen him cry when one of his friends here ran over a dog on his 4 wheeler and didn't stop. He didn't uderstand how someone could be so cruel. Does he have split personalities or are we missing something.

I will be calling him again on Saterday. Just thought I would give you another update. I am calling the Social worker too.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Thanks for the update and glad you got to speak to him and that he is oging to a school rather than adult prison. He needs help and his view of reality may never be accurate and yet he could pass a lie detector test, because it has become reality for him, it is a brain dysfunction, it is chronic, hopefully they will be able to help him in the school. Do keep trying to to reach the GAL and the SW.