The issues of wife's name and even venue are really irrelevant to the claim of your owing money to the landlord.
Rather than argue those issues, you would do better in trying to argue the issue of 'delayed notice'. Missouri Landlord-Tenant law requires that the landlord give you notice of the deposit account within 30 days of lease termination.
Further, Missouri law requires certain steps be done by landlords (such as notice of inspection). If these are not done, the can affect the landlords rights to recover damages. Here is the text of the Missouri law regarding deposits:
"Security deposits, limitation--return of deposit or notice of damages, when--withholding deposit, when--tenant's right to damages--security deposit defined.
535.300. 1. A landlord may not demand or receive a security deposit in excess of two months' rent.
2. Within thirty days after the date of termination of the tenancy, the landlord shall:
(1) Return the full amount of the security deposit; or
(2) Furnish to the tenant a written itemized list of the damages for which the security deposit or any portion thereof is withheld, along with the balance of the security deposit. The landlord shall have complied with this subsection by mailing such statement and any payment to the last known address of the tenant.
3. The landlord may withhold from the security deposit only such amounts as are reasonably necessary for the following reasons:
(1) To remedy a tenant's default in the payment of rent due to the landlord, pursuant to the rental agreement;
(2) To restore the dwelling unit to its condition at the commencement of the tenancy, ordinary wear and tear excepted; or
(3) To compensate the landlord for actual damages sustained as a result of the tenant's failure to give adequate notice to terminate the tenancy pursuant to law or the rental agreement; provided that the landlord makes reasonable efforts to mitigate damages.
4. The landlord shall give the tenant or his representative reasonable notice in writing at his last known address or in person of the date and time when the landlord will inspect the dwelling unit following the termination of the rental agreement to determine the amount of the security deposit to be withheld, and the inspection shall be held at a reasonable time. The tenant shall have the right to be present at the inspection of the dwelling unit at the time and date scheduled by the landlord.
5. If the landlord wrongfully withholds all or any portion of the security deposit in violation of this section, the tenant shall recover as damages not more than twice the amount wrongfully withheld.
6. Nothing in this section shall be construed to limit the right of the landlord to recover actual damages in excess of the security deposit, or to permit a tenant to apply or deduct any portion of the security deposit at any time in lieu of payment of rent.
7. As used in this section, the term "security deposit" means any deposit of money or property, however denominated, which is furnished by a tenant to a landlord to secure the performance of any part of the rental agreement, including damages to the dwelling unit. This term does not include any money or property denominated as a deposit for a pet on the premises."
Source:
http://www.moga.state.mo.us/statutes/C500-599/5350300.HTM
You might also look at:
http://www.ago.state.mo.us/landlord.htm
I would research the Missouri statutory issues and find what (if any) were violated by the landlord. Then, I would send the landlord a certified (RRR) letter detailing the statutes and violations and try to find a compromise resolution.
