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laurie31

Guest
What is the name of your state? was ct now tn

my husband and i have been married for 11 years we were legally seperated and filed for divorce but now are back together divorce never went through,well while we were seperated I dated a guy and i got pregnant now i dont know if this guy is the father or my husband my daughter is 11 months old now and has my husbands last name and he is listed as father on birth certificate now this other guy wants to see my daughter and wants a dna test.Hes known all along that she might be his but has not made any attempt to see her in 11 months.He lives in ct and I live in tennessee.Can he make me do this dna test even though I was married and my husband has been supporting her and wants her as his own.
 


Bre's_mom

Member
From what I know, he can ask for a DNA test, but then again, I've heard that if your married and you have an affair and a child is born, its automatically considered your hubbys. But why not do a DNA test, if its not your hubbys, then why deny visitation to her real father. That would only hurt the child, think about it, would you want to be denied visitaion with your daughter, I dont think so...:eek: :rolleyes: :confused:
 
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laurie31

Guest
he has had 11 months to do this and he didnt want anything to do with her.when i told him i was pregnant with her he said he didnt want anymore kids,and he just found out that i moved out of state and now all of a sudden he wants something to do with her.
 

Grace_Adler

Senior Member
Well better late than never I always say. This is just my opinion but I live by the Golden Rule, "Do unto others..." How would you feel if your parents lied to you and you never knew who your real dad was? How would you feel if someone denied you your child? The truth is going to come out sooner or later. You're only going to hurt your child by not doing this. If he's a decent person and now wants to be responsible and step up to the plate, why not let him?
 
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craftymom

Guest
on the legal side:
Yes, presently, the child is presumed to be your husband's because you are married. BUT, the "in-between guy" can come and file for a DNA test to contest your husband's paternity. I believe I've read on the boards at some point that in most states, a potential father has up to two years to contest or petition for proof of paternity in this type of situation.

on the personal side:
All debates about relationships and personal feelings aside, there is one very significant thing that you owe to your child--- a medical history. If "in-between guy" is the dad, then currently, you don't have a complete medical history for your child. That alone would give me reason to want the testing----but that's just me.
 
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laurie31

Guest
well lets see let me fill you guys in on this other guys background first he has tbi(tramatic brain injury) and he has 3 other kids one is in ny in foster care the other 2 live in maryland with their mother and he has visited them once in 5 years and has to do that supervised when we talk all he wants to do is get back together and when i say no he tells me he will kill himself and i have letters that he sent me also stating this,he is 34 yrs old and dates 16 yr old girls.The other day he told me is was easy to walk away from my daughter cuz he has no bond with her.I think he is just doing this to get under my skin.When I lived in ct he has called dcf on me they came out and talked to my older son who is 8, and never even opened a case, now he is threating to call them again.SO would you let a man that you know will be there one day and not the next to have anything to do with your daughter?
 
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KCMR

Guest
Scare him with support. He is only trying to make problems for your child!
Do you think the child really belongs to him?
 

Bre's_mom

Member
To answer your question, yes i would, if he is the father he has the right to see his child, just because he hasent seen his other kids, does not mean that he'll do the same. Give him a chance, remember you did sleep with him, maybe hes not as bad as you make him out to be.:rolleyes: :confused: :eek:
 
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laurie31

Guest
it wouldnt do any good to scare him with support hes on social security and dont have to pay support,....

so he doenst see his other kids why would he want to see mine then and give him a chance its not him that will be herecomforting my daughter and seeing her pain when he dont show up.Ive been there I know hows shes going to feel....
 
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laurie31

Guest
oh yeah..and everyone is entitled to one mistake in their life and sleeping with him was mine:)
 

Grace_Adler

Senior Member
Just wanted to give you something to think about. My sister alienates her daughter's father from her (my niece). She's 11 now. We just found out she has a heriditary blood disease. We have absolutely no clue who's side of the family it came from. So because we don't know his medical background me and my kids are going to have to be tested to see if we have the genes and so does my other niece and brother.

What if your child got luekimia (God Forbid!) and she had a chance to live with a bone marrow trasplant ( I believe that's what it is.) Suppose the other man is the father and he's the only match. You'd never know.

I'm not trying to scare you or say let him into your lives. Only you know if he will do more harm than good to your child. But that is also something to think about.
 
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laurie31

Guest
thank you grace I will keep that in mind but I do believe that he will do more harm than good and like I said I truely believe that he doesnt even care about my daughter he just wants to be part of my life and thats the only way he can.If he really cared than I wouldnt keep him from her I do believe that kids should know both of their parents but if he wanted to know her he had 11 months why didnt he do this from the beginning, why wait 11 months then want somehting to do with her,and only after I moved and told him I wanted nothing to do with him. I gave him a chance he told me he didnt want her without me.Its not like I never told him I was pregnant he had a choice and he decided not to have anything to do with her.
 

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