I Need to leave with my children

[Toritha]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? VA
I have been a housewife for 3 years and i have finally realized that my marriage is a sham. I want a divorce and i need to leave the house but i refuse to leave my children. I have no way of paying for daycare while I find a job and work here in VA and my mother works full time and lives several hours away and is not able to assist me. However my best friend , who lives in WA, has offered us a place to stay while i find a job and apartment and offered to provide me day care free of charge. My question is can i take my children with me to WA and file for custody there? I know WA only requires you to be a resident and there are no time in residency requirements to file for custody or divorce since i fully intend to locate work and live in WA. Can VA accuse me of kidnapping my own children? if so what do i do to prevent that from happening?

 

[CourtClerk]

You can move with your children if you'd like. Your husband can march straight to court and order a VA court to have the children return to the jurisdiction of the court - and no, you won't be able to file for custody in WA for some time.

By the way, you are going to be willing to pay the costs related to the children visiting their father, correct? As in, air fare.

 

[cyjeff]

Are you saying that the moment you cross the WA state line that WA considers you and your children residents?

I assure you that isn't the case.

The custody battle will happen in VA if your husband files within the six months after you move.

 

[mistoffolees]

I know WA only requires you to be a resident and there are no time in residency requirements to file for custody or divorce since i fully intend to locate work and live in WA.

Unca Jeffy is right - you have your facts wrong. It takes 6 months to establish residency in WA. Any time before that, your ex can file in VA and will probably get an order for the kids to be returned.

Can VA accuse me of kidnapping my own children?

Not kidnapping, but they could order you to return the kids and if you refuse, you would be in contempt of court.

if so what do i do to prevent that from happening?

Stay in VA. Find a job in VA. Find child care in VA.

OR, get Dad's permission and get it approved by the court as temporary orders.

 

[cyjeff]

I want to make one point clearly...

YOU can go whereever you want. Your children cannot.

 

[I'mTheFather]

Why do you think your husband won't be partially responsible for daycare? He most likely will have to pay child support too. So, why is it so important to move all the way across the country for a job?

How is it your best friend can afford to provide a place to stay and free babysittting? Does your friend work?

 

[cyjeff]

One more thing...

If this best friend of yours is the opposite sex and/or you are thinking of pursuing a romantic relationship, I would reconsider that course of action.

 

[Toritha]

so basically i can't leave him then. How do i separate from him with no resources or employment. I can't file for assistance with daycare unless i don't live with him. And i can't move out without a place to go and that would require employment. And you can't get a job without daycare. Nice little circle there. He is not physically abusive so i can't force him out of our home. He decided that he is not happy in the military and purposely went u/a for 5 days in a row and has forced a captains mast which will result in his removal from the military. He knows he will have no job but has done nothing to locate employment. I could go find a job and have him watch the children but he does things like letting my 3yr old eat powder Nesquick with a spoon out of the container or giving her an entire box of cookies for breakfast. Treating my son like the unwanted step son. He is not a responsible caregiver.

sorry about the rant I'll figure something out i guess.

 

[Toritha]

no she is married with her own family a daughter 4yrs old an d a son who is 17. She said we could stay for a maximum of 3 months while i find work

 

[cyjeff]

so basically i can't leave him then. How do i separate from him with no resources or employment. I can't file for assistance with daycare unless i don't live with him. And i can't move out without a place to go and that would require employment. And you can't get a job without daycare. Nice little circle there. He is not physically abusive so i can't force him out of our home. He decided that he is not happy in the military and purposely went u/a for 5 days in a row and has forced a captains mast which will result in his removal from the military. He knows he will have no job but has done nothing to locate employment. I could go find a job and have him watch the children but he does things like letting my 3yr old eat powder Nesquick with a spoon out of the container or giving her an entire box of cookies for breakfast. Treating my son like the unwanted step son. He is not a responsible caregiver.

sorry about the rant I'll figure something out i guess.

Divorce, like every other major change in life, should not be rushed into.

Start researching local women's groups and military wives' groups... they are an excellent source of information.

You will have to start a divorce savings fund and plan on what expenses you will need and start planning.

By the way, nothing you have said is illegal. Bad parenting is very much a matter of perception.

 

[CourtClerk]

You find a job. You save up money. Then you leave.

And what makes you think that in this economy, you'll be able to find a job in 3 months? What happens if you can't? You're homeless with your kids in a state where you don't know people?

Nesquick with a spoon won't kill anyone. Not the best thing, but no one will end up in the hospital for it, neither will a box of cookies for breakfast. I went all through middle school eating nothing but junk food Monday - Friday when my parents weren't looking. Anything that went from soda and candy at 7-11 with my "lunch" money or a trip to the burger stand.

I'm still alive. I think.

 

[stealth2]

LOL I used to eat sugar (as well as powdered ice tea mix) with a spoon when I was a kid. Yum!

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

You have realized your marriage is a sham. Does your husband realize you have been lying and faking, to keep your lifestyle and income or does he think you are still in a loving committed relationship? You want us to help you steal the affection of his kids and move across the country to try and force him to choose between his job and his family. Wow, talk about middle class low life.

(Thinks to self...So what is OP going to do, when the guy she met on the internet dumps her)

 

[mistoffolees]

You have realized your marriage is a sham. Does your husband realize you have been lying and faking, to keep your lifestyle and income or does he think you are still in a loving committed relationship? You want us to help you steal the affection of his kids and move across the country to try and force him to choose between his job and his family. Wow, talk about middle class low life.

Not to mention the drama. Look at the thread title. "NEED" to leave? Says who?

Even if OP wants to leave the marriage, she can get a job where she is and not deprive the kids of the relationship with their father. Or leave to pursue her own interests and leave the kids with Dad. There's nothing that says she needs to leave, and especially not to take the kids.

 

[cyjeff]

Sure, I noticed that the OP was willing to leave her children with as yet unmet strangers before her own husband.

I also noticed that it is horrific when HE doesn't have a job outside the home but she has been a SAHM for 3 years.

Now she is willing to get a job... but only if her husband can't be near the child.

something really smells here.