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i screwed up

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missingmyfamily

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? PA

Before anyone tells me I know i screwed up. but i want to fix it. I dont even know where to start. Guess from the beginning. I had a son with an exgf. We were broken up by the time the baby was born. Son is now 8 and i've had primary custody for 3 years, due to his mom's negligance. She has visitation two weekends a month.

About 2 years ago I had a baby with a new gf. A few months after that the baby ismine he looks just like me plus my wife is not the type. My wife found out that I was messing around with a girl from work. A jealous co-worker I think, tiped her off. It was stupid but it didnt and still doesnt mean anythign. I work out of town for the week, then come home on the weekends. My wife cares for both kids all week long. this happened 6 months ago. I came home on fri night to find my wife the baby and my son gone. all of my wife and son's possessions were gone.


In a panic I called her cellphone. She answered and said in a really calm and evil way your son is at his mother's house. then she basically said that she and the baby were going to be gone from my life forever. She said i could keep my hoochie. Thats it. it was a 30 second conversation. Since then she has not answered her phone, and i cannot locate them. I think that theyre with her parents but I dont know. Shes very smart and very stubborn. she told me before that if we ever broke up that this would happen. Ive gone to her parents house and her dad wont let me in or tell me anything. my cellphone is in her name under a family plan. The bill keeps getting paid, but thats the only way i would even know that they're ok. I havent seen my baby or my wife in over 6 months. I dont know what to do.


I went over to pick up my other son and apparantly my wife told his mom that there was a family emergency and that she was sorry to drop him off like this. no other explaination. That mom is now in a tizzy because i dont have anyone to take care of my son and have had no choice but to let him stay with her for the time being. i cant lose my job. i'm making close to 50 bucks an hour and could never make that kinda money anywhere else. now shes threatening to change the custody order and get cs, if i don't come over and get him by the end of this month. so now im looking at losing my job and starting all over again with nothing or else losing my other son.


I just want everything back. My son my wife and my baby. I know thats probably not possible now but whats my best course of action here? Im pissed that my wife gave my son back to his mother. We fought hard for him in court. she was up until 6 months ago his primary care giver. Now because of all of this ive lost all of them. But she wont even give me the chance to work it out. At this point my son wouldnt even remember who i was. his birthday is coming up and it kills me that i wont even be there to see him turn 2.
 


VeronicaGia

Senior Member
You need to use that big money you're making and hire an attorney! What in the heck are you waiting for? Has custody been changed for your first child? If not, go pick the child up.
 

missingmyfamily

Junior Member
but I wont be making the big money if my son is here as i will have no one to watch him. I work 6 hours away. He says that he doesnt want to be her without my wife. he misses them as much as i do. custody hasnt been changed but now hes going to school in his moms school district. i dont even know how hes doing in school. At this point im gonna go to work on monday and put my two week notice in. Then pick him up in 2 weeks.

i know that i have to hire an attorny to sort out this situation with my wife. but I dont know how im going to afford to do it if I have to quit my job to take care of my son. Plus even then i wont win. She will have unlimited funds and support with who her parents are. Her grandfather is the mayor of the town. They all hated me even before we got married. I dont want to get divorced if I can talk to my wife even for an hour i think that we could still work it out.

thanks for your help.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
missingmyfamily said:
but I wont be making the big money if my son is here as i will have no one to watch him. I work 6 hours away. He says that he doesnt want to be her without my wife. he misses them as much as i do. custody hasnt been changed but now hes going to school in his moms school district. i dont even know how hes doing in school. At this point im gonna go to work on monday and put my two week notice in. Then pick him up in 2 weeks.

i know that i have to hire an attorny to sort out this situation with my wife. but I dont know how im going to afford to do it if I have to quit my job to take care of my son. Plus even then i wont win. She will have unlimited funds and support with who her parents are. Her grandfather is the mayor of the town. They all hated me even before we got married. I dont want to get divorced if I can talk to my wife even for an hour i think that we could still work it out.

thanks for your help.
Stop and take a big deep breath before you make any decisions that you will regret. Eventually your wife is going to file for child support, and if you voluntarily quit a high paying job that is going to kick you in the butt.

You need to seriously think things through. Maybe its better if you let your older son live with his mother and you have him on weekends.

You absolutely do need that high paying job also in order to be able to afford the attorney that you absolutely WILL need in order to be able to resolve your issues with your wife....and so that you can see your other son.
 

missingmyfamily

Junior Member
Thanks for the reply. My wife will never file for child support. she told me that to along time ago. Her dad wouldnt let her and she would be too proud to ask for it. I think that they just want me out of the picture. they never liked me and her dad always acted like he was the head of our house. he bought and paid for the attorney that we used to get custody of my son. He got me my job. He bought and paid for our house. You should see the stuff that they buy for both kids. I didnt realize how good i had it until it was gone. Now that theyre controlling everything I dont know if I should just let it go. If I could just have an hour with my wife I could convinvcer her to let me have another chance.


Then onto my oldest son. Leaving him with his mom isn't an option. Shes unstable to say the least. Plus I dont think that she wants him. She complains about him constantly and acts like shes doing me a favor by keeping him. Like shes a babysitter or something and not his mother. Im paying her 400 bucks a week to take care of him. He wont have a chance without me, his mother has serious mental problems, documented. She says that his behavior is bad, and I dont understand it because hes so well behaved athome. My son says that he doesnt want to live here without my wife. He misses them more then I do. WHen he comes over on the weekends hes angry and bored. I feel like I have to pick between my wife/baby and my oldest son. I cant believe that my wife would abandon my son like this. I thought that she loved him as much as i do. You sould have seen her carrying on and on to her dad when we needed money for an attorney for custody of him.

Now because of a stupid mistake that i made shes going to abandon him, i guess im more upset over him then anything. Then the fact that I am a stranger now to my son. I love that baby more then the world.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
missingmyfamily said:
Thanks for the reply. My wife will never file for child support. she told me that to along time ago. Her dad wouldnt let her and she would be too proud to ask for it. I think that they just want me out of the picture. they never liked me and her dad always acted like he was the head of our house. he bought and paid for the attorney that we used to get custody of my son. He got me my job. He bought and paid for our house. You should see the stuff that they buy for both kids. I didnt realize how good i had it until it was gone. Now that theyre controlling everything I dont know if I should just let it go. If I could just have an hour with my wife I could convinvcer her to let me have another chance.


Then onto my oldest son. Leaving him with his mom isn't an option. Shes unstable to say the least. Plus I dont think that she wants him. She complains about him constantly and acts like shes doing me a favor by keeping him. Like shes a babysitter or something and not his mother. Im paying her 400 bucks a week to take care of him. He wont have a chance without me, his mother has serious mental problems, documented. She says that his behavior is bad, and I dont understand it because hes so well behaved athome. My son says that he doesnt want to live here without my wife. He misses them more then I do. WHen he comes over on the weekends hes angry and bored. I feel like I have to pick between my wife/baby and my oldest son. I cant believe that my wife would abandon my son like this. I thought that she loved him as much as i do. You sould have seen her carrying on and on to her dad when we needed money for an attorney for custody of him.

Now because of a stupid mistake that i made shes going to abandon him, i guess im more upset over him then anything. Then the fact that I am a stranger now to my son. I love that baby more then the world.
Again, I urge you not to quit your job...at least not that abruptly. If you file and establish your rights with your younger son, I guarantee that child support will be part of the mix.

Have you no family that can help you with your older son? Could you move to the area you work in and take your older son with you? Could you hire a nanny for your older son?

There are lots of options open to you because of your job. Don't throw that away before you have another solid plan in place.
 

missingmyfamily

Junior Member
My family is too far away to help. Plus my mom is so pissed at me for scrwing this up that shes barely talking to me. She misses her grandson too. The nanny thing might work though. I never thought of it. It might be hard to find someone to do it around the clock but i will call some places tomorrow to check that out. Thanks for the advice.
 

BL

Senior Member
What happened to Daycare or Babysitters ?

Yeah right quit your Job of 50 bucks an hour ( Sounds like you wanted your plate and all the side dishes ) .

You are pissed ?? I can't stop laughing .

Most people on this site would give anything to have the things you were provided . And now you're Pissed ..

Grow up .
 

missingmyfamily

Junior Member
Blonde Lebinese said:
What happened to Daycare or Babysitters ?

Yeah right quit your Job of 50 bucks an hour ( Sounds like you wanted your plate and all the side dishes ) .

You are pissed ?? I can't stop laughing .

Most people on this site would give anything to have the things you were provided . And now you're Pissed ..

Grow up .

I am gone all week long. My son is in school during the day so during the day hes ok but he needs someone to stay with him in the evenings and all night long. Thats not an easy thing to find help with. I know i screwed up but now I need to know how to fix it. I dont even know what attorny i would go to, they seem to know everyone. Hell theyre probably reading this stuff right now. Even with everything that happened i still think that i should have the right to be a daddy to my son. deep down my wife knows it too but shes letting her parents run the show now.
 

BL

Senior Member
What everyone around may know means nothing .

Hire a Family Law Attorney . You have Rights .

The Attorney MUST do there Job ethically , and by the Laws .

Put Mom coming back out of your head . You screwed up .

The best you could hope for is reconciliation in the Future .

There's no one to Blame but yourself .
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
missingmyfamily said:
I am gone all week long. My son is in school during the day so during the day hes ok but he needs someone to stay with him in the evenings and all night long. Thats not an easy thing to find help with. I know i screwed up but now I need to know how to fix it. I dont even know what attorny i would go to, they seem to know everyone. Hell theyre probably reading this stuff right now. Even with everything that happened i still think that i should have the right to be a daddy to my son. deep down my wife knows it too but shes letting her parents run the show now.
Well, then you need to figure out how you're going to bring in the same/similar money while taking care of the kid you have custody of. Because LDi's right - you're not going to get off the CS hook quite so easily as quitting a $50/hr job. And if you think that your wife won't go for child support, you're as dumb as a box of hammers. But then, your thinking your wife would buy that your little fling "didn't mean anything" already indicates that. And I suspect an hour's sweet-talking wouldn't sway her a hell of a lot - she's home taking care of two kids (one not hers) while you're off nailing some other chick? Get real!

What you need is a kickass lawyer - you may have to go out of county since your inlaws seem to know everyone where you are.

Time to reap what you sowed.
 

missingmyfamily

Junior Member
I think her dad got me this job so that i would be gone all week on purpose. Hopeing that I would screw up and I did. He put the house in only his daughters name too and since they bought it for us we didnt feel like we had the option to move closer to my work. He told me that it was so that my sons mom couldn't get a part of it if something happened to me. Then they said that it had to be close to them because they couldnt stand not seeing their grandchildren. I guess it was all bs and they planned it. Not my wife, her parents. They think that they have all of the power but from my son's custody hearing I know that I have rights too. The worst thing at this point that they could do to me is kick me out of this house. Then I'll just move closer to my work with my son. THanks for the advice.
 

missingmyfamily

Junior Member
stealth2 said:
Well, then you need to figure out how you're going to bring in the same/similar money while taking care of the kid you have custody of. Because LDi's right - you're not going to get off the CS hook quite so easily as quitting a $50/hr job. And if you think that your wife won't go for child support, you're as dumb as a box of hammers. But then, your thinking your wife would buy that your little fling "didn't mean anything" already indicates that. And I suspect an hour's sweet-talking wouldn't sway her a hell of a lot - she's home taking care of two kids (one not hers) while you're off nailing some other chick? Get real!

What you need is a kickass lawyer - you may have to go out of county since your inlaws seem to know everyone where you are.

Time to reap what you sowed.
I'll try to find a lawyer close to where I work so i can be available during the day. I havent done anything up to this point becuase I was just hoping that she would come back, even if it was just to see my son. I dont know how she can do this to me and him, i know that she misses him as much as I do our baby. Even when he would be gone for the few weekends that his mom would take him, she would be sad and would miss him. Then we could work it out.


At this point if she filed for CS I would be happy. Because at least then there would be communication and i would get to see her. I think that they have the attitude that they dont need me and my son doesnt need me. They just want to run everytthing. Id bet the farm on it that theyre offering and promising my wife the world if she leaves me out of everything. Stealth it really was a fling, and it didnt mean anything, I just got caught up in it, its hard being alone all week long. It was stupid and I think ive paid for this mistake.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
So, did her father also introduce you to this chick, book the hotel room and buy you the condoms? Come on - you made the choice to cheat. No one else. You also didn't seem to mind so much while her Daddy was taking care of both of you, now did you? Only now that you've screwed over his daughter do you have an issue with it.

Start owning up to your mistake, and people may have more sympathy. You may also want to give some careful thought to how your wife might feel knowing that not only did you sleep with another woman, but you have exposed HER to everyone else that other woman may ever have slept with? Not once have you actually expressed remorse for what you've done. Only what YOU've lost. And how it's everyone else's fault (namely hr father's, for looking out for his little girl better than you seem to be looking out for either of your kids).
 

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