I think they need to level the playing field here.

[StepmomsAreBest]

What is the name of your state?Ohio

I was messing around with a child support calculator for my state. The children are #1 priority in the eyes of the court, right?? Then how come if I divorced my dh and got child support for our 3 children, I would only get $552 per month, but his ex wife (again, this is using the same calculator for my state) would get $782 per month. Hmmmm.......what is so special about the first 3 kids that they would be entitled to over $200 per month more than my 3 children?? That's a bit screwed up if you ask me.
And just for the record, I have no intentions of divorcing my husband and going after child support
In the best interests of the children?? I think not. How is it in the best interest of the children to be told they are less important than the FIRST 3??

 

[misslawli]

Well, this is how...

Basically because they were here first. Thier standard of living should not go down just because thier father decided to bring 3 more hungry mouths to the table. They had no say in the matter and they should not suffer. That is just the way it is. But it might make you think twice about ever marrying a man with prior obligations again!! (IF anything ever were to happen) I know it sounds cold-hearted and selfish, but I have strict criteria,(which is probably why I am still single ) They have to except that my son comes first in my life, He is part of a PDG packaged deal. And I try to stay away from men with prior obligations. ESPECIALLY if they don't take care of those responsibilities. If they are super dad, then I'll give it a shot. It is absolutely amazing to me that there are women who know that men have 2,3, even 4 kids all with different mothers, but think they can change him once they get pregnant.

 

[StepmomsAreBest]

Ok.....so then it would be ok for me to give my 2nd and 3rd borns less than I give my 1st born since she was here FIRST?? Thanks for clearing that up

 

[prettyredhead]

Look, you may find one or two who will agree with your anger here, maybe a few more. I am with her on this one, when you agree to marry and procreate with a man who already is someone elses father, he cannot just "give up" on his first born. He cannot make enough for 6 kids. Very few men can. So, without putting the first marrage/childrens standard of living down, they recieve the same amount that was issued at the time of the divorce. That is what it takes to upkeep the home. You should have maybe had two other children, or one other, what he could support. It isnt "fair" but few things are in life. You will just have to stay and work hard. You have one thing the other kids dont have, and that is their father in your home. He isnt with them every day, and dont think that isnt worth something. Or rather that it isnt a loss for those kids, and a gain for yours . WHose to say what one is lost one should gain something a little more, albeit monetary. The law sides with first children .,

 

[nextwife]

Basically because they were here first. Thier standard of living should not go down just because thier father decided to bring 3 more hungry mouths to the table. They had no say in the matter and they should not suffer. That is just the way it is.

'

Ah yes, BUT, the law does NOT see it that way for already born kids if, say, dad has an affair resulting in a child AFTER the three kids are already here. Skank who slept with married Dad gets MORE for her one kid, born AFTER dad's three were already born kids than what is left for the three. Using that logic, why should the already born kids have to suffer if skank makes a kid with married man? HIS kids had no say, either.

 

[StepmomsAreBest]

Gotta love these fu**ed up laws that are "in the best interest of the children"

Some of these custodial moms need to step off of their high horses and stop being so selfish. Divorced fathers have just as much right as anyone else to move on and start a new family if they so desire. Does it mean they love there firstborns any less? Absolutely not. If the first wives could look past their jealousy, they just might see that!
For the record, my husband EASILY supports all 6 of his children. It's his ex wife who is playing the "your daddy loves his new kids more than he loves you" card. It's not enough that they have a father who loves them and helps support them. And they wonder why there are so many "deadbeats" running around out there......

 

[misslawli]

'

Ah yes, BUT, the law does NOT see it that way for already born kids if, say, dad has an affair resulting in a child AFTER the three kids are already here. Skank who slept with married Dad gets MORE for her one kid, born AFTER dad's three were already born kids than what is left for the three. Using that logic, why should the already born kids have to suffer if skank makes a kid with married man? HIS kids had no say, either.

Aahh, yes. You have a good point. Sorry I didn't consider that.
Though I definately should have.
It Has not as much to do with Ex wives jealousy simetimes as much as it is a medling new step parent.
I make this coment to make a point, not all Ex's are jealous, vendictive wenches. Your right Dad has a right to move on. Not all new wives are horrible evil stepmothers either. It is unfair for you to generalize.

I know many women on both sides of BOTH fences. The stories are always interesting.

 

[StepmomsAreBest]

Aahh, yes. You have a good point. Sorry I didn't consider that.
Though I definately should have.
It Has not as much to do with Ex wives jealousy simetimes as much as it is a medling new step parent.
I make this coment to make a point, not all Ex's are jealous, vendictive wenches. Your right Dad has a right to move on. Not all new wives are horrible evil stepmothers either. It is unfair for you to generalize.

I know many women on both sides of BOTH fences. The stories are always interesting.

I apologize. I shouldn't have lumped them all together. I do know alot of women who are very reasonable with their ex husbands and their childrens stepmom. I just happened to get one of the lousy ones She is resentful and bitter towards me and my children, and she teaches her children to be the same way. I get tired of being blamed for everything, and being made to feel as though I "stole" the girls' father from them. I have done nothing but support and encourage my husband where his first 3 children are concerned. But that's not good enough for her. She thrives on the drama, and I for one, am very tired of it.

 

[LdiJ]

Ok, at the risk of being seriously bashed here....I am going to express my opinion.

The state/feds has a vested interest in making sure that people don't have more children than they can realistically support....because if they aren't supporting them, the STATE/feds have to step in and do it. Which costs money in taxes to ALL OF US.

When it comes to dads...and the moms who choose to have more kids with those dads...the state is trying to make people think twice.

Lets be real here. If your husband already has three children that he is obligated to support....is it honestly realistic for him to have three more? If he can afford it, SURE...if he can't...dumb move no matter how many kids the second wife wants...and the THIRD mom REALLY needs to think twice.

I have a good friend who married a man (her second, his third). He had two kids from the 1st marriage (now legal adults) and 4 kids from the second marriage (he is paying SERIOUS child support)...and he actually pushed her for them to have a child together. She told him he was "nuts"....that he couldn't afford the ones he already has!

There is a real "attitude" in this country that if you love somebody you have to have a baby. I am a woman and that makes perfect sense to me if a woman has no children. It makes no sense to me whatsoever, otherwise.

 

[tigger22472]

Ok, at the risk of being seriously bashed here....I am going to express my opinion.

The state/feds has a vested interest in making sure that people don't have more children than they can realistically support....because if they aren't supporting them, the STATE/feds have to step in and do it. Which costs money in taxes to ALL OF US.

When it comes to dads...and the moms who choose to have more kids with those dads...the state is trying to make people think twice.

Lets be real here. If your husband already has three children that he is obligated to support....is it honestly realistic for him to have three more? If he can afford it, SURE...if he can't...dumb move no matter how many kids the second wife wants...and the THIRD mom REALLY needs to think twice.

I have a good friend who married a man (her second, his third). He had two kids from the 1st marriage (now legal adults) and 4 kids from the second marriage (he is paying SERIOUS child support)...and he actually pushed her for them to have a child together. She told him he was "nuts"....that he couldn't afford the ones he already has!

There is a real "attitude" in this country that if you love somebody you have to have a baby. I am a woman and that makes perfect sense to me if a woman has no children. It makes no sense to me whatsoever, otherwise.

I'm going to have to agree with you so no bashing here. When it comes to divorce when children are involved it's a whole new ball game and if you can't or won't support the ones you have you shouldn't have more and that goes for CP's AND NCP... hell that goes for single parents... newly married couples ... whatever... If you can't afford what you already have, you don't have more. AND it's my belief that those first kids should come first. It might not be a popular opinion but that's what it is.

 

[misslawli]

LdiJ and Tigger, thank you. that is pretty much what I was wanting to say, not exactly what it wound up being, but oh well.....I agree with the both of you and no bashing from me!!!

 

[poober]

AND it's my belief that those first kids should come first. It might not be a popular opinion but that's what it is.

***Well now, isn't that a funny belief for someone who's DH's daughter was getting a disability check all to herself (due to her father's disability)? Then after a year or so it was split between her, you and your 2 kids (even before they were adopted by your DH).***

07-18-2004, 06:49 PM
tigger22472
Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Monticello, In
Posts: 2,784


My husband is disabled. He gets 1438 a month (or did before the last raise) and half of that was 719. His daughter, our two boys and myself split that 719 between us. I dont' know how they figured it.. I just know that's what they did.
__________________
Tact is for people who are not witty enough to be sarcastic!
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your thing.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

***Well now, isn't that a funny belief for someone who's DH's daughter was getting a disability check all to herself (due to her father's disability)? Then after a year or so it was split between her, you and your 2 kids (even before they were adopted by your DH).***

07-18-2004, 06:49 PM
tigger22472
Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Monticello, In
Posts: 2,784


My husband is disabled. He gets 1438 a month (or did before the last raise) and half of that was 719. His daughter, our two boys and myself split that 719 between us. I dont' know how they figured it.. I just know that's what they did.
__________________
Tact is for people who are not witty enough to be sarcastic!
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your thing.

Poo, what does that have to do with this thread? This is your only post on this forum, and it is transparent what your intentions are.

 

[poober]

Poo, what does that have to do with this thread? This is your only post on this forum, and it is transparent what your intentions are.

People quote people all the time here to show when they contradict themselves...what's the big deal? What it has to do with thread was showing someone doing that. The post had nothing to do with you either, so in essence you are transparent too, by trying to bug me.

 

[TNBSMommy]

A. Tigger's situation has absolutely nothing to do with this particular thread.

B. Stepmomsarebest, for every "selfish custodial mother" there is an unselfish custodial mother with a deadbeat ex, who refuses to pay cs and help support the children he helped create. I supported my children for YEARS with not ONE RED PENNY from my ex, paying sitters/rent/groceries(And yes, I paid with money I EARNED, NOT food stamps), clothes, school issues, etc. All while my ex moved on, made more kids, lives off the state, and job hops so he didn't have to support our children. I am just now getting my CS on a regular basis, if he and his wife split up, the had best NOT take what little CS I get so she can support her kids. Personally, I don't really care that he moved on, better her than me. But don't make my kids pay the price b/c his next marriage didn't work either.

C. It is utterly ridiculous to suggest you would give your second or third born child less than your first. Yes, if you are in a marriage you adjust your living expenses to include 2nd and 3rd children. HOWEVER, why should the first wife be forced to adjust the standards of living for her children to essentially support three more kids she had nothing to do with making, and certainly didn't ask for.