I want to move out of state and dad don't keep his visitation rights. So what to do?

[prayerkaren]

I live in Arkansas and have sole custody of my children. my ex husband has the standard visitation rights for our four children, but he chooses not to utilize them. as a matter of fact, they have only spent one night at his house in a seven month period, and only hear from him maybe once a month even though he is local. I am wanting to move back to California where i'm originally from, where all my family and fiance are so my kids can at least have some family around for support or simply so they can know their family. Here in Arkansas they only have their daddy and me and since they don't see him they only have me. All of his family live in TX, and MO but they never see his family. To me it's very important for a child to have family around but they can't have that here. How can i get permission to move back home where my family and fiance are so we can move on with our lives. I don't want to stop visitation and as a matter of fact i encourage it, but he continues to choose to not have much to do with them with plenty of excuses to make it ok. I was told i can't approach the Judge without an attorney but i can't afford one. Any suggestions. Oh yeah, the kids want to move home too. I am willing to give my ex my old computer and webcam so he can have online visitations as well as let him have them for the whole summer and work with him on holidays etc in whatever way i can. so what can i do?

 

[dorenephilpot]

Here's how it works in Indiana, and I imagine it's similar in your state:

In Indiana, if a custodial parent wants to move more than 100 miles away, he or she must provide written notice to the ex and to the court.

Then if the ex protests it, he can request a hearing. If he doesn't protest it, then you are free to move.

If there is a hearing, the custodial parent will argue why it is in the children's best interests to be allowed to move with the custodial parent to the new place. The NCP will be allowed to argue why it's not in the children's best interests.

Then the court will decide whether the move is OK or not.

Under the circumstances you described (dad doesn't see the kids anyway), I imagine the court will let you move as you wish.

As to visitation, obviously every other weekend and one day during the week (standard stuff) isn't going to work, so another type of schedule will be worked out by the court (if he requests it).

Sometimes the CP who moves away is responsible for the costs of transportation (the rationale being that he or she chose to move away and the NCP shouldn't have to pick up the extra transportation costs), but that isn't always ordered, especially in a case where he has made minimal effort to see them so far.

Best of luck to you!

 

[prayerkaren]

Need more info.

Basically booting it up on the list, but i do need to see if i can get more information about what type of letter i can write, and where i can find information on the internet that can show me the exact steps i can take to do this on. My ex hubbys nephew and his wife who lived here for about three or four months with me, have agreed to write out a statement and have it notorized stating how during the time they lived here he never came to visit them or contact them but only two or three times during the entire time they lived with us. I'm hoping this will help, but i can't afford an attorney right now and need to know exactly what kind of letter i have to write to my ex and the judge. I have been told that since an attorney handled my divorce for me that i cannot even approach a judge to appeal the court to allow me to move without and attorney so i almost feel like i'm at a loss. If anyone has any ideas where i can find some serious legal information about the state of Arkansas concerning this issue i'd greatly appreciate it. I'm NOT wanting to keep my children from their father, under the contrary, i pray daily that he would try to improve his relationship with them, but he's made his choices on that and i can't change it, i just want to get my children and myself around some family. Please if anyone can be of help it would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,
Karen in Arkansas

 

[deefran]

Re: Need more info.

Basically booting it up on the list, but i do need to see if i can get more information about what type of letter i can write, and where i can find information on the internet that can show me the exact steps i can take to do this on. My ex hubbys nephew and his wife who lived here for about three or four months with me, have agreed to write out a statement and have it notorized stating how during the time they lived here he never came to visit them or contact them but only two or three times during the entire time they lived with us. I'm hoping this will help, but i can't afford an attorney right now and need to know exactly what kind of letter i have to write to my ex and the judge. I have been told that since an attorney handled my divorce for me that i cannot even approach a judge to appeal the court to allow me to move without and attorney so i almost feel like i'm at a loss. If anyone has any ideas where i can find some serious legal information about the state of Arkansas concerning this issue i'd greatly appreciate it. I'm NOT wanting to keep my children from their father, under the contrary, i pray daily that he would try to improve his relationship with them, but he's made his choices on that and i can't change it, i just want to get my children and myself around some family. Please if anyone can be of help it would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,
Karen in Arkansas

The letter you send to your ex is a certified letter (at least 30 days before the move) stating your intent to move, why you are moving, how it is the best interests of the children and your new address, phone # etc....Make it professional..no threats or accusations. (Make a copy of this letter for yourself)
Now for the courts permission...got to your county courthouse and ask for the papers in which you will need to file a petition to move with children...they will let you know which ones you will need to fill out..but will not tell you how to do it...they are pretty self explanatory. You will be given a court date for you and your ex to show up and if he doesn't you will be free to go...if he does then you will have to explain how the move is in the childrens' best interest. If you need help filling the papers out, consider hiring a paralegal who can not represent you in court but can help you with advice and filling out the petition...they are less expensive than lawyers. If ex hires a lawyer...that's when it's wise to do the same...if you need help consider legal aid as an option.

 

[deefran]

1 more thing...

Keep an ongoing file on dates and times when ex misses visitation...this will look better for your side.

 

[prayerkaren]

Any Suggestions

Do you know of any sites i can maybe see some case studies that would have something similar to what i'm looking for or that would show some letters like the one i need to write?

As for threatening him or anything of the sort, i'm not like that and have nothing to gain from such a thing, i just want to move on with our lives and get my children around their family again. They NEED their family and as of right now, unfortunatly all they have is me. Also, i'm not a vendictive ex wife who is out to hurt her ex hubby, i long for a relationship between my children and their daddy i think it's a vital part of their life, but since he is not willing to do that, i want to go home, not get revenge. i am willing to do basically whatever i can to help insure their constant contact and have even subscribed to a thing that talks about Virtual visitations, i'd be willing to give him my old computer which is internet ready, a webcam and do what i can to set up a website etc for them to have contact with and see homework reports etc.

As i said earlier his nephew and neice that lived with me for several months have agreed to write out a statement as to what they seen on his lack of contact while they were living here and have it notorized, do you think that will help any?

As for keeping a log of all the visits he's had and has missed, i've done that from day one as well as kept a log of all child support paid. Where can i find a paralegal at? I know it sounds foolish, but my dad is the Attorney in the family not me and i've never had to fool with any legal aspect until now. My dad lives in CA by the way and i have no contact with him so it does me no good unfortunatly. Legal Aid, i've been told won't help me unless there is abuse involved. The one thing i can say is my ex husband has NEVER been abusive to me, and to the kids, he's gone a bit overboard on the discapline but nothing major and it has been quite sometime since he last even disciplined them much less spanked them or anything like that so they won't help me because he is not abusive.


Thank you so much,
Karen

P.S. I want to go into this using my head, not just jumping in on emotions here that is why i am trying to do as much research on this as possible. Unfortunatly most of my problem is, i have to do it online because i am disabled and it can be rather difficult for me at times to get around so the majority of the things i have to do will have to be done online, this is also another reason i want to move home. If something comes up i'll have help with my children and i can also help my mother as her health is not doing so well. Ok, enough blabbering for now