IAAL - I humbly ask for your expert advice

[Query1234]

IAAL - I haven't ever directly asked a question of you but in this instance I humbly seek your expert advice.

First of all, I am a stepmom in California. Heard/read somewhere that you might have a bias against us "steps" but please correct me if I am mistaken. I hope that won't prevent you from offering your assistance.

My husband has two children (my stepchildren). He currently has 50/50 joint legal & physical custody of the kids. We obviously would like to have them all the time but that's not what I'm writing about. The problem is that bio-mom and our attitude towards the importance of education is dramatically different. Based upon her actions, she doesn't consider school important while we are having educational assessment done, tutoring, finding better equipped schools, always helping them with homework, etc. Although this attitude has been annoying, we hadn't seen real evidence of this becoming damaging until this past year. The oldest child is having problems keeping up in class. Homework is sporatically turned in on time (we have them alternate evenings during weeknights and alternate weekends) and often, bio-mom keeps child out of school for no apparent reason or takes her out of school early. She also does this with the younger child as she usually keeps both home from school so she doesn't have to leave the house in the morning. However, it hasn't yet become apparent that this negatively affects the younger child (on paper) as the younger child is brighter and quicker at learning and retaining information.

My husband and I would like ideally to have primary custody during the school year so that the kids would have consistent help every day with school work as well as receive the additional benefits that are not related to school. I have been keeping record of when she pulls them out or keeps them out of school. The report cards should speak for themselves in regards to the older child's problems in school. We are switching her to a private school in the fall (we are paying for it as bio-mom says she can't afford it) where she'll get the extra attention she needs but are very concerned that bio-mom will continue to disregard school as she has been doing thus far. Is there a chance that the courts might let us have the primary custody during school? For visitation, we would like to suggest that bio-mom take the kids on weekends but no weeknight visits (at least not with the older child, as homework right now takes SEVERAL hours to complete because the child just doesn't understand all the concepts taught in school and is not able to keep up as she hasn't had a stable foundation to work off of). What would we need to do in order to make that possible? Would we have to subpoena school attendance records and keep track of which dates they were absent when coming from her house? Any advice on this would help as we are very concerned about child failing in school.

(Just for the record, older child has a love/hate relationship with her mom. Feels younger child gets favoritism. My husband and I have been the ones to push for child counseling to help her cope with her anger which the bio-mom has also fought us about as she was afraid child would get her into trouble. - long story).

Thank you very much for reading.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

IAAL - I haven't ever directly asked a question of you but in this instance I humbly seek your expert advice.

First of all, I am a stepmom in California. Heard/read somewhere that you might have a bias against us "steps" but please correct me if I am mistaken. I hope that won't prevent you from offering your assistance.

My husband has two children (my stepchildren). He currently has 50/50 joint legal & physical custody of the kids. We obviously would like to have them all the time but that's not what I'm writing about. The problem is that bio-mom and our attitude towards the importance of education is dramatically different. Based upon her actions, she doesn't consider school important while we are having educational assessment done, tutoring, finding better equipped schools, always helping them with homework, etc. Although this attitude has been annoying, we hadn't seen real evidence of this becoming damaging until this past year. The oldest child is having problems keeping up in class. Homework is sporatically turned in on time (we have them alternate evenings during weeknights and alternate weekends) and often, bio-mom keeps child out of school for no apparent reason or takes her out of school early. She also does this with the younger child as she usually keeps both home from school so she doesn't have to leave the house in the morning. However, it hasn't yet become apparent that this negatively affects the younger child (on paper) as the younger child is brighter and quicker at learning and retaining information.

My husband and I would like ideally to have primary custody during the school year so that the kids would have consistent help every day with school work as well as receive the additional benefits that are not related to school. I have been keeping record of when she pulls them out or keeps them out of school. The report cards should speak for themselves in regards to the older child's problems in school. We are switching her to a private school in the fall (we are paying for it as bio-mom says she can't afford it) where she'll get the extra attention she needs but are very concerned that bio-mom will continue to disregard school as she has been doing thus far. Is there a chance that the courts might let us have the primary custody during school? For visitation, we would like to suggest that bio-mom take the kids on weekends but no weeknight visits (at least not with the older child, as homework right now takes SEVERAL hours to complete because the child just doesn't understand all the concepts taught in school and is not able to keep up as she hasn't had a stable foundation to work off of). What would we need to do in order to make that possible? Would we have to subpoena school attendance records and keep track of which dates they were absent when coming from her house? Any advice on this would help as we are very concerned about child failing in school.

(Just for the record, older child has a love/hate relationship with her mom. Feels younger child gets favoritism. My husband and I have been the ones to push for child counseling to help her cope with her anger which the bio-mom has also fought us about as she was afraid child would get her into trouble. - long story).

Thank you very much for reading.

My response:

Your husband has an excellent chance to change the custodial/visitation orders - - based upon the information in your post, taken at face value. Ordinarily, after a judicial custody/visitation determination, a parent seeking to alter (modify) the arrangement bears the burden of demonstrating there has been a substantial change of circumstances so affecting the child that modification is "essential or expedient" for the child's welfare.

Not only are grades and attendance in the best interests of the children, but they are also important to society in general. Courts will not reexamine a decision that a particular custodial arrangement is in the child's best interest but, rather, will preserve the established mode of custody, unless "some significant change in circumstances indicates that a different arrangement would be in the child's best interest.

If your husband can prove, through school records; e.g., report cards, homework assignments, attendance records, that she is sporadic with the children, then his chances are excellent.

Your husband can write and file a Motion for Change in Custody based upon these sufficient changed circumstances, and more than likely obtain the type and form of custody he may seek in this matter.

If I were the judge, I'd rule in your husband's favor. But, I would heartily suggest that, for this type of matter, that he obtain the assistance and counsel of a local Family Law attorney because there will be a fight.

Good luck to you.

IAAL

 

[Query1234]

Thank you very much!

Thank you very much IAAL for your advice. I come to this site to get preliminary information which I then take to my husband to discuss if it would be beneficial to go to court over. I am VERY glad to hear that his chances are very good. I will take the information to him and see if it is the right time to take it to our family law attorney (to court). I would go directly to the attorney but as with most good attorneys, he is quite costly (although undeniably invaluable). Thank you again for giving us a bit of hope. Hopefully this all will work to our favor and to the benefit of the kids' education/lives. I greatly appreciate your time.