If anyone is willing to do some reading?

[tuffbrk]

What is the name of your state? NJ

I have Early Settlement Panel on Tuesday. My attn'y requested an adjournment but it was declined and he is on vacation this week. As a result, I went in and edited my original ESP statement to reflect current events so to speak.

Primary objective - to not pay alimony...

If any of our regular members would have the time to review and provide commentary, please let me know as I'm quite uncertain as to how it will come across to the panel members.

Thanks much - hope I hear from someone!

 

[Zigner]

You should probably provide a link to the other information you are referring to.

 

[tuffbrk]

I should've mentioned that I didn't want to publicy post here - I thought maybe I could send via PM somehow?

 

[tuffbrk]

Hmmm....looks like I can't add an attachment to a PM. Thanks Zigner - I'll edit so it's not obvious in case STBX lurks here...

 

[tuffbrk]

Ya know, I had a dysfunctional marriage - and I have a dysfunctional divorce...there is just no way to make it generic...

I'll copy and paste into PM's if anyone has the time...thanks again.

 

[Zigner]

I wouldn't be the one to send it to...sorry

 

[tuffbrk]

No problem Zigner!! The ESP is really a statement of the facts as "I" see them and then they submit the statement of the facts as "they" see them. All supporting documentation (CIS, financials, documentation backing up accusations) is already on record with the divorce petition filing, subsequent motion and counter/cross motions. I'm just anxious to obtain an impression of the statement from an objective party...

 

[LdiJ]

Unfortunately, PMs only allow short messages. Therefore you probably can't cut and paste it into private messages unless you it in multiple ones.

 

[tuffbrk]

Hmmm...I haven't seen anything posted that appears to have been authored by STBX so maybe I should just copy and paste in here like CJane does...

I think that's what I'll do if anyone has time to review it and provide comments...just let me know.

 

[CJane]

Hmmm...I haven't seen anything posted that appears to have been authored by STBX so maybe I should just copy and paste in here like CJane does...

I think that's what I'll do if anyone has time to review it and provide comments...just let me know.

That's what I would do

Also, you have a PM

 

[tuffbrk]

Thanks much CJane....

 

[tuffbrk]

ESP (cont'd)

For my early settlement statement - I comment that he abandoned the household. Do you think it would be wise to include verbiage to the effect that I have had to operate the household with $3k less per month since he abruptly contributing? Not sure if it's overkill.

My attn'y sent me a note from Aruba last night - I cannot imagine what prompted him to send this to me at this point as opposed to say - a year ago?! this is what he sent....

I have reviewed your requested edits and whereby I find them helpful, it might be more prudent for us to make a formal offer of settlement at this point. Please take the next few days to mull over your thoughts and we will touch base upon my return. I know that it is a foregone conclusion that he is going to get alimony, so it is really a matter of coming up with an offer that you can rest easy with. By definition, you are not going to by fully happy with any "settlement", but to take the risk of going to a Judge and having the Court feel sorry for your disabled husband, provide him with permanent alimony at a ridiculous rate is not something that I think we should be willing to do.

Thoughts?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Stupid question here: does your STBX have any schooling or training that he could support himself in like 4-6 months?

Reason I ask is that my X tried the same thing with me. My lawyer countered back that we both were college graduates and that he should be able to find a desk job SOMEWHERE.

 

[tuffbrk]

Yes - and that is what is making me crazed. He has been self employed throughout our marriage but it's difficult to provie income as he did not file anything for the S corp or the LLC - (why hasn't the IRS taken him away?!).

He did sales and service of industrial equipment. I will grant you that he cannot still do repairs, however to do sales all he has to do is use the phone and key in data to the computer. Mark up on industrial sales is a solid 60%. If he did a $20k sale about every other month, he'd be earning practically the same as me!

I get that he was ill, I get that he had a transplant - I'm not getting how that excuses him from supporting himself and his children!

 

[SingleAZdad]

TB - I wish you the best. It is a tough situation when you need to preserve your finances so you can provide for the kiddos while STBX also wants to be treated like one of them. I know the feeling. Please keep posting and let the forum know how it works out.