I'm Being Set Up!

[onmytime]

What is the name of your state? AZ

I am the custodial parent and I am at a lost. My child's father is lying and creating all types of false stories on me. In April we went to mediation and agreed on visitation, vacation etc. (Our final court date is October 20th) In this agreement we stated as a "parenting courtesy" each parent shall notify the other of out-of-town travel. I have taken two trips out of town with my child, each time sending a certified letter. However, as of lately, on the weekends that I have my child he calls me early Monday morning & sends me emails stating "I FAILED" to notify him of the trip I took with our child. When in fact I have not gone anywhere!

When he calls me, if he can't get a hold of me immediately ( he leaves a voicemail stating that he has been trying to get in touch with me for days).

He is also stating that I have refused him the right to watch our child before I ask my parents to babysit. That is completly not true. Unfortunately l live a very dull life and my children go EVERYWHERE with me. I have no ADULT fun time. But I don't care because I love being with my children.

I personally feel that he is trying to control my life. He calls me during work hours expecting me to call him back. I refuse to take his calls during work hours or before work because all he wants to do is argue or accuse me of not doing something. I always call him in the evening or when I get home. I also feel that I am entitled to enjoy Friday evenings with my family and friends while with my children and if I choose not to answer my cell phone, I have that right. I always return his calls.

There was one Friday evening where my children and I were at a friends house with 3 or four couples until around 1:30 AM. The kids were playing and later in the evening after the kids went to sleep the adults played cards. That night he called me 7 times on my cell phone, 4 times on my home phone and left two nasty messages for me to stop playing games & call him. What freedom do I have from this man?

My mother was watching our child and since our son was born I have told him he needs to contribute towards daycare, whether that be paying my mom or a regular daycare facility. My mom agreed to watch our son for a year (I paid my mom what I could, he refused to pay) and that year is up so I put our child in regular daycare. He went crazy because he doesn't want to have daycare prices figured into his child support and said that I didn't consult with him regarding taking our child from my mom.

I have started saving receipts from the weekends I have my son to prove I was not traveling and I'm going to invest in a recording device to record our conversations. I feel like I should not have to live like this. I have saved all of his emails & voicemails (some in which I can prove he has lied on occassion). But will that be enough and will the judge even listen?

I am afraid that when we go to court he will tell the judge that I am not responsive to his calls, I refuse to work together to parent our child and I am not following what we agreed to at mediation. ALL of those accusations are false but how do I prove that? I know that when a judge considers a parent to be uncooperative there is a possibility that the other parent can get custody. What proof does the other parent have to have other than just accusations? I am thinking about getting rid of my cell phone & voicemail at home. That way I don't have to be bothered with his annonying calls. Please help. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[brisgirl825]

Is all of this court ordered yet?

He will have to prove that you have been going against court orders. What was your reasonsing for taking the child out of your mother's care. Technically, with joint custody, you need to consult on that. However, if you have good reasons, like your mom was ill, it won't be a big deal.

Do not record conversations. I hope someone will chime in here and let you know if AZ is a one party state or not. However, messages that he leaves you are fair game since he knows he's being recorded.
Reciepts are a good idea, I think you should continue to do that.
When you go out of town, are you going out of state? If not, you do not need his permission. Neither parent can say what goes on on the other's time.

So, so far, I think you're fine. He wants to control you, from the sounds of things.

 

[onmytime]

Four months after our son was born I put him in daycare. After I placed him in daycare my son's father said that he wasn't going to give me the amount of child support we agreed on (this was before court). From that point on my mother watched our son. I have been fighting to get daycare expenses figured in child support during this process but he keeps saying that since my mother watches our son there are no daycare expenses. I guess he feels my mother's time is FREE!

Like I said before he has always known that our son had to go to daycare and I no longer felt him taking advantage of my mother was fair. In addition my mother said that she wanted to go back to work, which she is entitled to do. My mother is retired.

I feel regardless of my reason for taking our son from my mother it is not his decision. Like my mother keeps saying "the judge can't order her to watch my son." The only decision we have to make together is "what daycare" and since he has always been opposed to paying for daycare & not wanting our son to go, I felt I had not choice but to make the decision on my own. I had to go to work.

 

[brisgirl825]

Four months after our son was born I put him in daycare. After I placed him in daycare my son's father said that he wasn't going to give me the amount of child support we agreed on (this was before court). From that point on my mother watched our son. I have been fighting to get daycare expenses figured in child support during this process but he keeps saying that since my mother watches our son there are no daycare expenses. I guess he feels my mother's time is FREE!

Like I said before he has always known that our son had to go to daycare and I no longer felt him taking advantage of my mother was fair. In addition my mother said that she wanted to go back to work, which she is entitled to do. My mother is retired.

I feel regardless of my reason for taking our son from my mother it is not his decision. Like my mother keeps saying "the judge can't order her to watch my son." The only decision we have to make together is "what daycare" and since he has always been opposed to paying for daycare & not wanting our son to go, I felt I had not choice but to make the decision on my own. I had to go to work.

I certainly agree that your mother shouldn't be working for free. That is an unreasonable request for to have to live with. Should the need arise your mother can back up your statements.
Whether he wants to or not, he will have to pay of daycare expenses. Have you gotten a modification of cs to include that yet?

 

[onmytime]

Is all of this court ordered yet?

He will have to prove that you have been going against court orders. What was your reasonsing for taking the child out of your mother's care. Technically, with joint custody, you need to consult on that. However, if you have good reasons, like your mom was ill, it won't be a big deal.

Do not record conversations. I hope someone will chime in here and let you know if AZ is a one party state or not. However, messages that he leaves you are fair game since he knows he's being recorded.
Reciepts are a good idea, I think you should continue to do that.
When you go out of town, are you going out of state? If not, you do not need his permission. Neither parent can say what goes on on the other's time.

So, so far, I think you're fine. He wants to control you, from the sounds of things.

Arizona is a one party state. Although the other night he asked me if I minded him recording our conversation. I told him I didn't mind, since I have nothing to hide. During the conversation he accused me of doing everything wrong. I tried to defend myself and then told him that I didn't care to speak with him any longer becasue we weren't accomplishing anything other than him making false accusations and I told him goodnight and hung up. I don't know if that was the right decision or not. But I did it anyway.

My reason for taking our son out of my mom's care is because my mother said she wanted to go back to work but she was also tired. My mom would never say that she was tired of taking care of my son but I could see that she was. She never got a break. If she had something scheduled during the day she would take my son to my grandmother's (who is 81) to watch him for a few hours. I think my mom has done a great job and my son is absolutely crazy about her. But when it's 8:30 at night (and my mom is use to staying up until 1:00 AM) and she can hardly hold her eyes open, I know she's tired.

Thank you for your reply.

 

[onmytime]

I certainly agree that your mother shouldn't be working for free. That is an unreasonable request for to have to live with. Should the need arise your mother can back up your statements.
Whether he wants to or not, he will have to pay of daycare expenses. Have you gotten a modification of cs to include that yet?

Everything we have done has not been finalized yet. For instance the child support figure was established at reconcillation (which he isn't following) and we went to meidation for visitation. Everything is just a guideline right now. For travel all we have to do is let the other parent know that we are traveling. I don't want to start getting permission to go out of state. I feel with are both adults and should not be govern by anyone to have a "permission slip" to go somewhere. However he feels that we should get written consent from each other. I'm not doing that! That only causes problems because if he doesn't like he I am going with or know that I want to go somewhere he will not agree to it and I will forever be stuck in AZ.

 

[brisgirl825]

Everything we have done has not been finalized yet. For instance the child support figure was established at reconcillation (which he isn't following) and we went to meidation for visitation. Everything is just a guideline right now. For travel all we have to do is let the other parent know that we are traveling. I don't want to start getting permission to go out of state. I feel with are both adults and should not be govern by anyone to have a "permission slip" to go somewhere. However he feels that we should get written consent from each other. I'm not doing that! That only causes problems because if he doesn't like he I am going with or know that I want to go somewhere he will not agree to it and I will forever be stuck in AZ.

So if nothing has been finalized yet, is there a temp order in place?

Hanging up nicely was the right thing to do. I don't know that I could have done that!

You won't be forever stuck in AZ. Usually when you travel out of state, that's when you must give notice. However, that doesn't necessarily mean you need his permission. As long as you aren't gone longer than X amount of time, you just need to give notice, not get permission. Going out of the country, no matter how long, will more than likely, always need his permission. However, you can always go to court to get the court's permission, if he says no.