Im being threatened, before babysdue!!!

[tiffanys]

What is the name of your state? P.A
I live in Pa. and I am only 21, and due to have my first baby in march. I had no problems with my boyfriend for two years and then he got on drugs and things changed, and his mom got involved in his life by making excuses for everything he does wrong, she is telling him that he can take the baby off me when it is born, she says she knows lawers and she can get the baby off me,
I am so upset!! Ive never done anything to this woman, I dont do drugs never have I hate people who drink, my family is very nice and we all have jobs and nice houses, no one in my family ever got involved with the law. This woman thinks she can do anything, she calls my house and asks for her son,if he is visiting, about 50 times aday..I desperately need to know MY RIGHTS as a new mother, and how can she do anything without a reason?
I dont want her taking my baby to her home its infested with fleas and overrun with animals!! and I am so upset I even got involved with this bum, but Im trying. can anyone help??
tiffanys

 

[Boxcarbill]

What is the name of your state? P.A
I live in Pa. and I am only 21, and due to have my first baby in march. I had no problems with my boyfriend for two years and then he got on drugs and things changed, and his mom got involved in his life by making excuses for everything he does wrong, she is telling him that he can take the baby off me when it is born, she says she knows lawers and she can get the baby off me,
I am so upset!! Ive never done anything to this woman, I dont do drugs never have I hate people who drink, my family is very nice and we all have jobs and nice houses, no one in my family ever got involved with the law. This woman thinks she can do anything, she calls my house and asks for her son,if he is visiting, about 50 times aday..I desperately need to know MY RIGHTS as a new mother, and how can she do anything without a reason?
I dont want her taking my baby to her home its infested with fleas and overrun with animals!! and I am so upset I even got involved with this bum, but Im trying. can anyone help??
tiffanys

Buy an answering machine. They are cheap. Use call screening. If it is b/f's mom on the line, don't pick up. People do not engage in behavior in which they are not being rewarded. She knows that if she calls that you will argue with her. This is her reward. Intermittent reward will result in the continued behavior to the same extent as consistent reward. If you don't wish for her to continue to call, then do not talk to her. If you want her to continue to call, then at least intermittently reward her by answering. She will continue to call. If you answer the phone, knowing that it is her, then you are obviously getting something out of the argument as well.

His mother does not have standing to bring an action regarding your child. Now, you can either tell her that and get into another meaningless, round-robin argument or you can not answer the phone. The choice is entirely up to you.

 

[ktarra617]

in addition to bill said you need to consult with a family lawyer since it is unlikely that dad will even have rights to the child until he goes to court to get them since it seems that you two are obviously not going to be getting married.

I am in no way condoning you keeping the him and the child apart every child needs a father. but keep in mind that unless you have him legally declared to be the father: either he signs an affadavit of paternity or paternity test(check you state laws again) you have no rights to support for the child from him.

his mother cannot just take your child from you and depending on your state laws, dad may not be able to either.

Check your laws to see how unmarried custody goes. You need to find out if PA grants custody by default to an unmarried mom or if both parents have equal right to the child. If they have equal right then you have a problem in that dad can come get the child any time and not return the child to you until you get a court order for him too and that can take a while.

It would be best for you to speak to a lawyer and get informed as to the legalities of your situation. Do however keep in mind that the child is his too and you should foster a relationship between them.

Good luck to you.

 

[Multimom]

If you can prove past and current substance abuse (ie rehab records, criminal records etc.) you may not have to grant him even visitation let alone custody.

In Texas it is very difficult to take an infant (any child for that matter) away from the biological mother. He would have to prove you unfit which isn't as easy as it sounds.

Tell his mom, where to get off and tell her you are taping her every phone call and message and will use it in a harrassment suit against her if she continues to call and threaten you.

Also, if she threatens you physically, go to the police and file a complaint of terroristic threat and have her arrested.

I agree, make the above statements to her and then stop answering her calls, also tape every call. I would also suggest that you get a machine that has a time and date stamp so you can prove date and time of calls as well as frequency.

Ignore the threats and know that its nearly impossible for a junky parent to obtain unsupervised visitation let alone custody. It's nearly impossible for a father to get overnight visitation of a child under the age of 3 even if he's an excellent parent.


Another idea is move, don't tell them where, change your phone number and make it unlisted. IN other words dump him and disappear.

You aren't married to him and you owe him nothing. My ex was a junky and when I divorced him he was allowed limited access (1 visit a month for 4 hours in my home supervised by me) He disappeared and 14 years later has not seen his son since he was 18 months old. My present husband adopted my son when he was 9 and he know no other father.

 

[tiffanys]

Well, I have a caller I.D. and she dont call when my bofriend isnt around, and she knows it, I wanted me and my boyfriend to raise the baby together, His mom is making him a bum by interfering with his whole life, she pays his bills, since he wont work, he just sucks off everyone. she puts all sorts of negative ideasin his mind
saying if he has to pay custody he gets to see the baby, I never said no one could see the baby, I simply dont want the baby over his parents filthy house. They say such stupid goofy crap about how Iwill raise my baby, and how I will not be a good mom ect, and frankly I just wanted to know how easy it is for them to cause problems. like if he gets any custody rights can he take the baby to his moms without my permission?
I am not putting his last name on the birth certificate, but can he force the dr. to do a paternaty test just to be misserable?
Oh by the way I am recieving only 300 a month to live on welfare, I cant afford a lawer, but she can. so YOU CAN SE MY ANXIETY!!
TIFFANYS

 

[ellencee]

tiffanys
Until the baby is born, it is yours and yours alone; however, after the birth of the baby, according to PA law, which I have provided a copy of a portion thereof, the father has as much right to claim the child as you do.

It's never too early for someone is your situation to begin a program of counseling and parenting education. Please contact your health department or Department of Social Services and begin a course of education and counseling as provided by PA for parents with custody and visitation issues.

(a) General rule.--All children shall be legitimate irrespective of the marital status of their parents, and, in every case where children are born out of wedlock, they shall enjoy all the rights and privileges as if they had been born during the wedlock of their parents except as otherwise provided in Title 20 (relating to decedents, estates and fiduciaries).

(b) Determination of paternity.--For purposes of prescribing benefits to children born out of wedlock by, from and through the father, paternity shall be determined by any one of the following ways:


If the parents of a child born out of wedlock have married each other.
If, during the lifetime of the child, it is determined by clear and convincing evidence that the father openly holds out the child to be his and either receives the child into his home or provides support for the child.
If there is clear and convincing evidence that the man was the father of the child, which may include a prior court determination of paternity.

§ 5103. Acknowledgment and claim of paternity.
(a) Acknowledgment of paternity.--The father of a child born to an unmarried woman may file with the Department of Public Welfare, on forms prescribed by subsection (c), an acknowledgment of paternity of the child which shall include the consent of the mother of the child, supported by her affidavit. In such case, the father shall have all the rights and duties as to the child which he would have had if he had been married to the mother at the time of the birth of the child, and the child shall have all the rights and duties as to the father which the child would have had if the father had been married to the mother at the time of birth.

(b) Claim of paternity.--If the mother of the child fails or refuses to join in the acknowledgment of paternity provided for in subsection (a), the Department of Public Welfare shall index it as a claim of paternity. The filing and indexing of a claim of paternity shall not confer upon the putative father any rights as to the child except that the putative father shall be entitled to notice of any proceeding brought to terminate any parental rights as to the child.

(c) Duty of hospital or birthing center.--Upon the birth of a child to an unmarried woman, an agent of the hospital or birthing center where the birth occurred shall:


Provide the newborn's birth parents with an opportunity to complete an affidavit acknowledging paternity. The completed, signed and notarized affidavit shall be sent to the Department of Public Welfare. A copy shall be given to each of the birth parents. This affidavit shall contain:
(i) A sworn, signed statement by the birth mother consenting to the assertion of paternity.
(ii) A signed, notarized statement by the birth father acknowledging his paternity.
(iii) A written explanation of the parental duties and parental rights which arise from signing such a statement.
(iv) The Social Security numbers and addresses of both birth parents.
Provide written information, furnished by the Department of Public Welfare to the birth mother, which explains the benefits of having the child's paternity established, the availability of paternity establishment services and the availability of child support enforcement agencies.

(d) Conclusive evidence.--An acknowledgment of paternity shall constitute conclusive evidence of paternity in any action to establish support. An acknowledgment of paternity may be set aside by the court only upon clear and convincing evidence that the defendant was unaware of the fact that he was acknowledging paternity when the acknowledgment was signed.

 

[annefan]

I just wanted to know how easy it is for them to cause problems. like if he gets any custody rights can he take the baby to his moms without my permission?
I am not putting his last name on the birth certificate, but can he force the dr. to do a paternaty test just to be misserable?
Oh by the way I am recieving only 300 a month to live on welfare, I cant afford a lawer, but she can. so YOU CAN SE MY ANXIETY!!
TIFFANYS

If the father gets partial custody rights, he can take the child during his partial custody whereever he wishes, so long as the environment is condusive to the best interest, health and welfare of the child.

Whether you name the natural father on the birth record or not is entirely up to you, however, he can petition for a paternity test, and if he proves to be the father, he can obtain partial custody (visitation time) with the child.

If paternity is established to him, he can also begin taking financial responsibility (child support) with the Pennsylvania Collection and Disbursement Unit by reimbursing the welfare department.

The paternal grandmother is a non-issue, so I'd suggest you cease all communication with her. She would only have a small chance of obtaining visitation rights if the child resided in her home for at least a six month period (immediately preceding filing a custody petition) and acquired a significant influence in the child's upbringing and life.

 

[VeronicaGia]

First you say:

"I wanted me and my boyfriend to raise the baby together, His mom is making him a bum by interfering with his whole life, she pays his bills, since he wont work, he just sucks off everyone. she puts all sorts of negative ideasin his mind"

Then you say:

"Oh by the way I am recieving only 300 a month to live on welfare"

It is both your responsibility and his responsibility to raise this child financially and otherwise. You complain that he does not work, yet you are living on my tax dollars!

People in glass houses.....

 

[tiffanys]

Yes this is true, however to make you feel better,I wasnt on welfare until he decided to stop paying rent, and after finding out I was pregnant, I could not find someone to hire me, here in p.a. people dont want to hire pregnant women, I moved in with my parents while I tried to find work but with out a car I could not stay in the country so I had to get on a educational welfare grant where I recieve income only if I go to classes ,and I do, but there are no jobs that would afford me a sitter, I was so hopeing my boyfriend would have been ,mature enough to keep his job but evidently his mom thinks he is too good to work.And here is my attitude on P.A. laws, his mom knows his probation officer, [that he got as a result of driving under the influence], and guess what, hes not been reporting to him because all she has to say is hes a good boy to this guy, and he does drugs all the time, hows that for our system at work!
dont think its so easy to get welfare, they want to know what size underwear you wear just to get food stamps! I hate being on welfare, they are no help to me, in getting me off of it.
at least I know I will be a better mom that his is.Thanks for your kind advise.
tiffanys

 

[stealth2]

Well, I have a caller I.D. and she dont call when my bofriend isnt around, and she knows it, I wanted me and my boyfriend to raise the baby together,

I'm trying to figure out why he's still in your life if he's such a bum.

 

[KCMR]

I was JUST thinking that momma...

Really if he is on drugs and such a low life...why would you want to raise your child with him?

It sounds like you are trying to get your life going...going back to him is only going backwards.

Take the welfare money...take some classes...and people WILL hire you so you won't need to be on welfare anymore. Make a better life for your child not for him.

Do you really want to be taking all these classes so he can be a bum off of you? Let him be a bum off of his mother. The more you learn the better off you'll be when you do go to court.

If you've got your $hit together and can prove that you are good mom...they aren't going to rip the baby off of you.

 

[tiffanys]

Interesting,
my sister left and I see her posts sadly some young girls feel the need to have a man in thier life, because of the fact he wont leave her alone and she dont want to be alone,theyre young, very immature, and have nothing,so she hangs on hopes he will get away from his controlling mom and he will turn into prince charming, and he will grow up. I have told her she needs to change her attitude twords his mom, I try to make her feel better by realizing were only human, she has to live with her choices, and things willchange someday.
My sister had a job, she had to quit it was too hard on her back while she was pregnant. she has no cable,she has no antenna, she has no money for clothes, and she was forced to live in subsdized housing, which she hates, were trying to help out.
BUT I would love to strangle that welfare person and that boyfriends probation officer ,and I cant believe his mom is sighning him up FOR SCHOOL to become GET THIS a STATE TROOPER! He tells my siste r he will let all his friends go if he pulls them over, see the kind of ediots we have to deal with?
so thanks for your posts with some P.A.laws.
tiffanys sister

 

[Naturalmom]

On a personal side to your situation think long and hard about the childs last name. You are not required being the fact especially that you are not married to have the baby's last name as the fathers. This is not saying not on the BC but as their legal name. there are many posters that are wanting to change the name back to their maiden name but are unable to with out a fight. If the two of you marry at another point in time, it is much easier to have them add fathers name,but nearly impossible to change it after the effect. I personlly gave my child my last name, in the beginning it ruffed feathers,but am greatful now that the childs carries my last name. Much easier for paperwork, identification etc,plus it will give the sense of belonging more then you can imagine especailly to the custodial parent,since there is no guarentee the father will be around. Iam sure I will be blasted for these comments, but being a single umnmarried parent until you have faced our problems you will not know.......