In and Out Father....HELP!!!

[zoyastarbuck]

Father from WI, son and I from IL....

My son is 6 years old. His father went into the Army (overseas)right after he found out I was pregnant. The father has been issued an Honorable Discharge less than a year ago and now only lives two hours away from us. The father has never sent birthday cards, or any Holiday cards or presents to my son. When he first got home from the Army, he didnt even call to tell me he was home, his mother told me. Finally he called me and asked to take my son for a visit and I said yes, becasue my son wanted to see his father. My son has been very excited to see his father becasue I always told him what a great guy he was (even though I wasnt very happy with him!!!). Well I thought that this was a new beginging but I am wrong. His father comes around when it is convienent for him. He calls at last minute to arrange plans when he decides he wants to take him. He will tell me son he will call him in a week and it will turn into a month or two. I have only recieved two child support checks since December of 2001. When my son doesnt hear from him in awhile, he will say things like he hates his dad, wishes he wasnt his dad...HE IS ONLY 6 YEARS OLD!!! The thing that got me was when I went to my son's parent- teacher conference and the teacher asked me if his father was in his life. I told her that he was a in and out father and she told me that wasnt good because of the way my son behaves (my son is very impulsive) and she said that with his father not being around could have an impact on why he is so impulsive. What do I say to his father???? He is the kind of guy that will make everything seem like my fault. What do I do??? Any advice.......

 

[zoyastarbuck]

I was just wondering if any one was in the same kind of situation..if you have been or you are in a situation like this, how do you deal with this...Its heartbreaking!!!!!

 

[tigger22472]

I am in this situation or at least I was before and will probably again in the future. My advantage is that my ex lives 2 hours away. I was separated in late 1999 and for the first year I did ALL the contact and tried to get him to stay consistant in their lives but he continually came in and out of their lives. He would tell them it was my fault that he didn't see them and use all kinds of lies as to why he didn't call or didn't come get them when he was supposed to. Last June my mother allowed him to see them when they were visiting her. He wanted them overnight and pretty much took them without getting approval however I had told my mom that she had to allow him to keep them over night. While there and intoxicated he told my children that he was dying and would never see them again. I stopped all contact then. I refused to allow him to continually disrupt their lives. Technically you are not in contempt of court until they contact either by phone or ask for visitation and you don't allow it but they HAVE to ask first. Then they have to take the inititive to file for contempt against you. As it stands now, I've told my ex through email and certified letters he's not to contact but that alone is not contempt. He contacted me through email in September and I denied visitation so technically I'm only in contempt once. They tend to stay away when they don't pay support because generally the ones that avoid paying support don't realize that support and visitation are separate issues. It's only when they are found and support comes out that they start contacting. In my case I'm sure he will be contacting again soon because we go to court next week for the 12,000$ he is behind in support. I figure after that he will try to see the boys. I'll go to jail first so I figure I'll be in contempt once more and I really don't care.