Infidelity & Custody

[sbr1122]

What is the name of your state? Texas

In the 9 years that I've been married, I've had two affairs. Now my husband is determined to get a divorce and get full custody of our 4 year old daughter allowing me a week a month to see her. He said that if I fight this then he will push for me to have no visitation rights at all. I'm trying to avoid the divorce and I'm getting counseling to help me with my problem but I'm worried sick over losing my daughter. My affairs were descreet and nothing wierd about them, but I realize that having two doesn't help matters any. Although my husband is a good father, I'm generally the parent that bathes, feeds, drops off/pick up our daughter from daycare, etc. Our income is about the same.

My husband is doing everything he can to make me leave our house (I won't) and he says that he will get the courts approval and the two of them will leave if I don't.

How much will my two affaris hurt my custody case if neccesary?

How can I protect myself against him taking our daughter?

I'm so embarressed and ashamed to even ask these questions, but I will greatly appreciate any advice you can give me.

Thank you.What is the name of your state?

 

[Zephyr]

probably will depend on if your judge ever had someone cheat on them or not....

ideally adult issues like that should not affect issues regarding the children- but ultimately it's all up to the judge


do not agree to his proposed schedule if you aren't ok with it- they are so hard to change down the road- what about trying mediation?

 

[sbr1122]

Good suggestion

Mediation may help, if we can wait a little while for his anger to cool down. Undertandable anger though. Him and my daughter are the innocent ones.

Thank you for your time.

 

[xylene]

He said that if I fight this then he will push for me to have no visitation rights at all.

Idle threats... only leverage he has.

My husband is doing everything he can to make me leave our house (I won't) and he says that he will get the courts approval and the two of them will leave if I don't.

That is a possibility, but why not wait until the court decides, since it will have to anyway.

How much will my two affaris hurt my custody case if neccesary?

You should have a lawyer at this point to protect your interests. Many people have affairs. You are unlikely to lose your child over this. Beyond

How can I protect myself against him taking our daughter?

You need to retain a lawyer. Having a legal professional to represent your interests is your best protection.

Angry dad is wanting something that abridges your rights to YOUR child (too) and is very unlikely to be in child's best interest.

Dad wanting to punish you for an affair serves no interest of your childs.

I'm so embarressed and ashamed to even ask these questions, but I will greatly appreciate any advice you can give me.

Best wishes.

You are not the first person to experience a divorce.

Stay strong for your and your daughters sake.

 

[psfunkytek]

Don't leave the house

If I were you'd I'd do a search on father's rights groups on the internet. This is one of the tactics they suggest to fathers to keep custody of their children. Judges are VERY likely to order the "status quo". You move out, he can get temporary orders giving hime primary residential custody much more eaisly than if you don't and a good lawyer will then drag the case out long enough so that in a year or so when you finally get another hearing, the judge will hesitate to upset the childs routine.

Also, keep a journal and record of your husbands threats and intimidation. Threatening to try and cut you out of your daughters life is NOT the type of mature, adult co-parenting behavior the courts like to see. One of the factors a court will consider when making determination of custody is which parent is likely to support an continued relationship with the other parent and if he's already threatening to cut you off and is on a power trip (even if he is "acting out" his own hurt) to manipulate you, that is NOT okay.

Hope this helps.

 

[psfunkytek]

One more thing...

You mentioned your daughter is 4, will she be starting Kindergarten this fall? If so, it's damn hard to get a judge to upset a child's schooling without good cause.

What is the name of your state? Texas

In the 9 years that I've been married, I've had two affairs. Now my husband is determined to get a divorce and get full custody of our 4 year old daughter allowing me a week a month to see her.

 

[CJane]

Are you absolutely 100% sure that your husband is the father of the child?

 

[Halls]

Texas is a non fault divorce state. Just because you had affairs does not mean you won't have custody of your daughter.

DO not leave the home, whatever you do. If I were you if you leave the home take your daughter with you. Also, you could be the first to file and ask for temporary custody with dad having full standard possession and ask the judge to decide who leaves the house than. Obviously y'all aren't going to work something out now so you need to get into court asap to get it worked out or you will find one morning your hubby has taken off with your daughter and filed for full custody and they are no where to be found.

 

[Multimom]

Because Texas is a no fault divorce state your affair information is useless and unnecessary.

He's angry and hurt, but generally the only way a mother will lose custody in Texas is if she abandons the child (don't leave the home) or if she is found to be unfit and would pose immediate danger to the child in question.

Not very likely that a judge in Texas will turn a 4 year old over to her father.

Also FYI to the other posters, Texas is not a kindergarden manditory state. It is discretionary to the parent and 4 year olds are not eligble for public school kindergarden in this state. They must be 5 years old by September 1 and the only way they are eligible for Pre-kindergarden is if the family's income can be verified as 100% below poverty level or the child is of non-english speaking or a non-citizen family.

Most likely the 4 year old will remain in daycare for at least another year.

 

[sbr1122]

This is correct, my 4 year old daughter cannot begin public school until fall of 2007.

I'm starting a journal immediatly.

I wish that I could get a lawyer without my husband knowing but since he's keeping very close tabs on me right now, that is impossible. I know that it will create so much havoc but my daughter is top priority, havoc or no havoc.

I am 100% sure that my daughter is my husband's. Neither of my affairs took place within years of my daughter's birth.

Thank you all so very much. I went from absolutly no hope to having a serious chance.

 

[LdiJ]

This is correct, my 4 year old daughter cannot begin public school until fall of 2007.

I'm starting a journal immediatly.

I wish that I could get a lawyer without my husband knowing but since he's keeping very close tabs on me right now, that is impossible. I know that it will create so much havoc but my daughter is top priority, havoc or no havoc.

I am 100% sure that my daughter is my husband's. Neither of my affairs took place within years of my daughter's birth.

Thank you all so very much. I went from absolutly no hope to having a serious chance.

Who cares if your husband knows that you have gotten an attorney. Your husband is going to know anyway. Just DO IT. File for divorce and custody and for the right to stay in the marital home if you can afford it.

Then, let it go to mediation and try to work with your husband on sharing your child. Do not leave your home without your child.

 

[GrowUp!]

If I were you'd I'd do a search on father's rights groups on the internet. This is one of the tactics they suggest to fathers to keep custody of their children. Judges are VERY likely to order the "status quo". You move out, he can get temporary orders giving hime primary residential custody much more eaisly than if you don't and a good lawyer will then drag the case out long enough so that in a year or so when you finally get another hearing, the judge will hesitate to upset the childs routine.

Also, keep a journal and record of your husbands threats and intimidation. Threatening to try and cut you out of your daughters life is NOT the type of mature, adult co-parenting behavior the courts like to see. One of the factors a court will consider when making determination of custody is which parent is likely to support an continued relationship with the other parent and if he's already threatening to cut you off and is on a power trip (even if he is "acting out" his own hurt) to manipulate you, that is NOT okay.

Hope this helps.

Hey you know what'll help?

If you learn how to freaking read!!

Try that for starters.

And if you're wondering "WTF?" -- the re-read the OP's original post, then read yours and see where you f-ed up and why you're "advice" has absolutely NOTHING to do with the OP.