Is dad out of line? Please help!

[onmytime]

What is the name of your state? AZ

My son's father and I currently share joint legal custody and I am the custodial parent. While I go to work our son stays with my mother 3 days a week and goes to daycare 2 days a week (my mother works 2 days a week,her schedule varies & I solely pay for daycare, which had not been included in his child support until as of last week when we went to court). My son's father is now wanting to watch our son 3 days a week (he works from home) and is taking me to court to get joint physical custody.

A year ago my son's father was ordered by the court to pay child support. He never followed the court order. He also told the judge, the mediator and both attys that he was unable to commit to midweek visits because of work and he doesn't see our child until his weekend visitation. He has missed visitation and didn't show for Father's Day, New Year's Eve & New Years Day. His job is very demanding and he travels. He goes on approx. 9 business trips a year that last 8 to 9 days. My issue is right now our son is in a stable environment and I have been the only one to provide stability and security for our son. My son's father is looking to get out of paying child support or at least reducing it.

Here is the problem: My son's father will only be watching our son for 3 days(he says he has Mon,Tue & Wed off and works Thur- Sun) out of the week and doesn't want to pay daycare for the other 2 days. In addition because he travels I will be left to figure out daycare when he is gone and can't watch our son (which means our son will be going back and forth to three different. To add insult to injury he is nearly $6000 in arrears and claimed our son on his income tax returns. This man only thinks about money and not the best interest of our son. Plus he wants to keep his current visitation of every other weekends, which would limit me to seeing our son(the one who has been his primary caretaker since birth) 2 times a week.

My questions are what information would I need to provide for court that would be helpful to show that my son's father is not working in the best interest of our son but only looking out for his pocket book and what advice can anyone offer.

 

[Zephyr]

has he actually filed a motion requesting the change yet?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

What is the name of your state? AZ

My son's father and I currently share joint legal custody and I am the custodial parent. While I go to work our son stays with my mother 3 days a week and goes to daycare 2 days a week (my mother works 2 days a week,her schedule varies & I solely pay for daycare, which had not been included in his child support until as of last week when we went to court). My son's father is now wanting to watch our son 3 days a week (he works from home) and is taking me to court to get joint physical custody.

which is his right.

A year ago my son's father was ordered by the court to pay child support. He never followed the court order. He also told the judge, the mediator and both attys that he was unable to commit to midweek visits because of work and he doesn't see our child until his weekend visitation. He has missed visitation and didn't show for Father's Day, New Year's Eve & New Years Day. His job is very demanding and he travels. He goes on approx. 9 business trips a year that last 8 to 9 days. My issue is right now our son is in a stable environment and I have been the only one to provide stability and security for our son. My son's father is looking to get out of paying child support or at least reducing it.

all of this irrelevant since child support has nothing legally to do with custody rights.

Here is the problem: My son's father will only be watching our son for 3 days(he says he has Mon,Tue & Wed off and works Thur- Sun) out of the week and doesn't want to pay daycare for the other 2 days.

o.k.

In addition because he travels I will be left to figure out daycare when he is gone and can't watch our son (which means our son will be going back and forth to three different.

And what is the difference between that and now?

To add insult to injury he is nearly $6000 in arrears and claimed our son on his income tax returns.

And if the divorce decree and/or parenting plan gives him that right then he has that right.

This man only thinks about money and not the best interest of our son. Plus he wants to keep his current visitation of every other weekends, which would limit me to seeing our son(the one who has been his primary caretaker since birth) 2 times a week.

And that is also his right.

My questions are what information would I need to provide for court that would be helpful to show that my son's father is not working in the best interest of our son but only looking out for his pocket book and what advice can anyone offer.

You have already stated that you are leaving him with the grandmother and in daycare five days a week. Having the child with his father instead of a third-party is not unheard of and in most cases with first right of refusal, the right of the non-custodial parent.

Or do you think the best interest of the child is to have him stay in daycare and with his grandmother instead of his father?

 

[onmytime]

has he actually filed a motion requesting the change yet?

Yes he has and we go to court May 4th.

 

[Zephyr]

might be a good idea to request mediation- see if dad could provide the daycare two or three days a weeks, just in place of either gma or the other daycare- that might be a way for dad to get more time and for you to pay less, and for the child to spend more time with dad....

 

[onmytime]

which is his right.

all of this irrelevant since child support has nothing legally to do with custody rights.

o.k. You may not feel it is irrelevant but I feel a parent supporting their child and abiding by court orders and agreements is a sign of character and unwillingness to co-parent with the other parent. My son's father's behavior is evidence that he is unwilling to work together. And I have suspect that when we appear back in front of the judge who signed the order for him to pay child support he won't look to favorably at him for not following court orders that HE signed.B]

And what is the difference between that and now? Right now my mother watches our son beacuse that it what we have arranged and I pay for daycare 2 days a week. If my mother isn't going to watch our son she is going to work fulltime & when his father has to travel I won't have daycare and his father won't care because it won't be his problem he'll be out of town.

And if the divorce decree and/or parenting plan gives him that right then he has that right.

And that is also his right. He only has the right to claim our son if he is current, which he knew he was not. That's called tax fraud. That is also why the IRS sent him a letter stating so and fined him.

You have already stated that you are leaving him with the grandmother and in daycare five days a week. Having the child with his father instead of a third-party is not unheard of and in most cases with first right of refusal, the right of the non-custodial parent. I said I was leaving him with the grandmother 3 days a week and in daycare 2 days a week. Having our son with his father isn't a problem except that his father isn't going to be available to watch him because he will be traveling a great deal. In addition I agreed to him watching him but he refused to bring him back home.(and that is court ordered)

Or do you think the best interest of the child is to have him stay in daycare and with his grandmother instead of his father?

I think the best interest for our son is stability, which his father has not provided. I have encouraged midweek visits and encouraged my son's father to be with our son more often if he is actually going to do it. What he has demonstrated so far is the inablity to commit to our son. Example... our son was rushed to the hospital by ambulance. He didn't see our son for three weeks until his next scheduled visitation. Now that's showing a real interest in our son

 

[BelizeBreeze]

I think the best interest for our son is stability, which his father has not provided. I have encouraged midweek visits and encouraged my son's father to be with our son more often if he is actually going to do it. What he has demonstrated so far is the inablity to commit to our son. Example... our son was rushed to the hospital by ambulance. He didn't see our son for three weeks until his next scheduled visitation. Now that's showing a real interest in our son

The fact is, it matters not what you think. it matters what a judge thinks. And unless there are extreme circumstances, the court will think time with a biological parent trumps third-party care.

You need to accept that once you had a child and do not have a marriage, you BOTH gave decision making to the court.

that is the fact of life you will be living with for 18 years.

 

[onmytime]

The fact is, it matters not what you think. it matters what a judge thinks. And unless there are extreme circumstances, the court will think time with a biological parent trumps third-party care.

You need to accept that once you had a child and do not have a marriage, you BOTH gave decision making to the court.

that is the fact of life you will be living with for 18 years.

I didn't give anyone the decision making to the court. My son's father initiated this court stuff therefore I didn't have a choice. And you are absolutely correct that it matters what a judge thinks but I do think you are incorrect when you say the biological parent trumps third-party care. If the biological parent can not and has not shown that they are capable of creating a stable enviornment then why should they be left to experiment with that child. Anyway, I'm just curious....why are you so angry? Every response that you write is rude and full of hate. Life doesn't have to be that miserable. Are you terminally ill?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

I didn't give anyone the decision making to the court. My son's father initiated this court stuff therefore I didn't have a choice. And you are absolutely correct that it matters what a judge thinks but I do think you are incorrect when you say the biological parent trumps third-party care. If the biological parent can not and has not shown that they are capable of creating a stable enviornment then why should they be left to experiment with that child. Anyway, I'm just curious....why are you so angry? Every response that you write is rude and full of hate. Life doesn't have to be that miserable. Are you terminally ill?

sweetheart, where in the hell do you get that I am angry? If you think it's anger to tell you that you have no idea of what you speak, then yes, I'm angry.

And you will soon find out that I am correct. YOU will not make the decision regarding who gets to watch junior. And neither will the ex. The JUDGE will decide.

And yes, BIO trumps third-party. If you don't like that, change the laws. Not anger, just reality. You are living in a dream and you will soon wake up.

You have made some very general assumptions. Why is it unstable when the child is with it's FATHER? Because you say so? Sorry, but that doesn't wash in court.

and the point of all this? You will soon find out that you AND dad have the same rights. And if he wants to parent his child, he has the right to do so, over and above who YOU think has that right.

if you don't think I'm correct, then change places with dad, give him custody and you live one day on the other side. Might be an eye-opening experience for you.

 

[onmytime]

sweetheart, where in the hell do you get that I am angry? If you think it's anger to tell you that you have no idea of what you speak, then yes, I'm angry.

And you will soon find out that I am correct. YOU will not make the decision regarding who gets to watch junior. And neither will the ex. The JUDGE will decide.

And yes, BIO trumps third-party. If you don't like that, change the laws. Not anger, just reality. You are living in a dream and you will soon wake up.

You have made some very general assumptions. Why is it unstable when the child is with it's FATHER? Because you say so? Sorry, but that doesn't wash in court.

and the point of all this? You will soon find out that you AND dad have the same rights. And if he wants to parent his child, he has the right to do so, over and above who YOU think has that right.

if you don't think I'm correct, then change places with dad, give him custody and you live one day on the other side. Might be an eye-opening experience for you.

You gave me some advice in the past. And you were wrong. My question at the time was "Would I get back child support since the time my son was born?" And you said "No. I would only get back child support from the time my son's father filed the petiton or I put in a petition for child support." Well I'm here to let you know that my son's father filed a petiton for child support & custody in August 2004, our son was born Jan 2004 and I never filed a petition. The court granted me BACK CHILD SUPPORT from January 2004, when our son was born. So my point is people are just writing for friendly advice. I may be surprised at what the judge orders or I may be right. But there's no need to be nasty. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

You gave me some advice in the past. And you were wrong. My question at the time was "Would I get back child support since the time my son was born?" And you said "No. I would only get back child support from the time my son's father filed the petiton or I put in a petition for child support." Well I'm here to let you know that my son's father filed a petiton for child support & custody in August 2004, our son was born Jan 2004 and I never filed a petition. The court granted me BACK CHILD SUPPORT from January 2004, when our son was born. So my point is people are just writing for friendly advice. I may be surprised at what the judge orders or I may be right. But there's no need to be nasty. I hope you feel better soon.

and if you were married, which you never stated in your previous post, then that would be correct.

However, if you REALLY want me to be nasty, I can accommodate you.

The plain fact is little girl, that you do not get to decide how your ex will father his child or when. Like it or not, them's the rules.

 

[onmytime]

and if you were married, which you never stated in your previous post, then that would be correct.

However, if you REALLY want me to be nasty, I can accommodate you.

The plain fact is little girl, that you do not get to decide how your ex will father his child or when. Like it or not, them's the rules.

I don't believe we have ever met. I'm a grown WOMAN. Thank you for your advice, ill will as it may be and I will keep it in mind.

 

[nicetryadmin]

You gave me some advice in the past. And you were wrong. My question at the time was "Would I get back child support since the time my son was born?" And you said "No. I would only get back child support from the time my son's father filed the petiton or I put in a petition for child support." Well I'm here to let you know that my son's father filed a petiton for child support & custody in August 2004, our son was born Jan 2004 and I never filed a petition. The court granted me BACK CHILD SUPPORT from January 2004, when our son was born. So my point is people are just writing for friendly advice. I may be surprised at what the judge orders or I may be right. But there's no need to be nasty. I hope you feel better soon.

The court might have ordered back support in your case because it was simply a couple of months. If you were talking about a COUPLE OF YEARS of back support, then it would be different.

As far as your other comments, if your so "sure", then why the hell are you here? The LEGAL FACT of the matter is as long as BOTH bio parents are alive and fit, they WILL trump any 3rd party. If you don't like it, ask any of us if we give a crap.

 

[ceara19]

and if you were married, which you never stated in your previous post, then that would be correct.

However, if you REALLY want me to be nasty, I can accommodate you.

The plain fact is little girl, that you do not get to decide how your ex will father his child or when. Like it or not, them's the rules.

Of course the parent should have the right to have the child over grandma and daycare. But I can understand the OP's point about the daycare. Unless dad can commit to a REGULAR schedule of watching the child, not just on days he happens to be in town and at home, the child is still going to need to be enrolled in the daycare. And the daycare will expect to be paid whether the child is actually there or NOT.

So unless the child can be taken out of daycare all together, dad should still have to pay at least part of the expense whether he actually has the child or not.