is ex-wifes actions enough to take custody

[onrey762]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? California

Help Im in a major dilemma with my ex wife. We have been seperated for over 3 yrs during which we attempted to reconcile or so I thought, During this time I suspected that she was seeing and sleeping with other men although she lied about it, after catching her in these lies I filed for divorce and have been divorced for 8 months now. The issue I have iss that she chooses to date men and have men around my children I do not think is appropiate. Now let me first say that my children are all girls ages 10, 7, and 4. While the first reaction is that this is me being upset about her being with someone else if you look close you will see my concern. She has dated and/slept with 7 men that I know of in the last 3 yrs all of which she lied to me about and in fact her family. I shall list the issues about each without namong any specifics

1. A guy she picked up in a bar and went home with and had sex, she was so upset that she did this that she did it again on a few more occassions with the same guy who is involved with someone else.

2. An ex- felon residing in a drug rehab house. while saying he was just a "friend" she sat holding hands and kissing in front of ther girls

3. the married cousin of her ex-sister in law who was having marital problems

4. the ex- boyfriend of the same sister in law ( again just a " friend" according to her)

5. Another ex-felon again on parole resideing in a drug rehab house. My ex would take the kids to see him at rehab and sneek off with him to have sex and leave the kids unattended, she also had him sleep over in her house in front of ther kids, this was a 1 bedroom house so her and this guy slept and had sex in the living room right off the girls bedroom, she also allowed him to place a lock on the outside of their bedroom door so the kids could be locked inside and not walk in on the having sex. This guy had 11 felony convictions from drugs to attempted murder on a police officer and even had a domestic violence arrest for hitting the minor child of a girlfriend. I brought this to her attention and she chose to defend all his actions and stick up for him. I told her I was in fear for the kids saftey and even her and she said he deserved a second chance. By the way this guy is now back in prison with a second strike felony for trying to run my ex wife off the road in her car by ramming it with his.

6. The ex of the same sister in law whom she had a child with. My concern here is that the child has been raised all my kids life as their cousin and neice to me and my ex. Because of this the neice is siding with her father who had not seen her in 7 yrs I know of but made her think it was funner being with him. I saw my neice and she now has the same hair st6yle and color as my ex. My ex thinks there is no problem sleeping with this guy around my kids who must wonder is she my cousin or my step sister, is my ex her aunt or her niece. They sleep tpgether and my kids sleep on the floor. My ex also keeps them out at his house past their bed time

I also found out my ex was called to the kids school about excessice truancy, this on a 4th and 2nd grader.

My ex lives in a house that has no curtains no bedroom doors and the bathroom is usally not working so no toilet or shower. There is no heater so the stove is used. 2 daughters share a room which is 5X7, the other a room right off of the ex wifes. She has even snuck out without telling anyone and spent the night with her boyfriend without the kids knowing. She also has her brother and his son living there so my daughters have no privacy. I need help, I think my wife has issues I dont want passed onto my kids. Any advice on what I do to take my kids and have a better enviroment for them????

 

[BL]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? California

Help Im in a major dilemma with my ex wife. We have been seperated for over 3 yrs during which we attempted to reconcile or so I thought, During this time I suspected that she was seeing and sleeping with other men although she lied about it, after catching her in these lies I filed for divorce and have been divorced for 8 months now. The issue I have iss that she chooses to date men and have men around my children I do not think is appropiate. Now let me first say that my children are all girls ages 10, 7, and 4. While the first reaction is that this is me being upset about her being with someone else if you look close you will see my concern. She has dated and/slept with 7 men that I know of in the last 3 yrs all of which she lied to me about and in fact her family. I shall list the issues about each without namong any specifics

1. A guy she picked up in a bar and went home with and had sex, she was so upset that she did this that she did it again on a few more occassions with the same guy who is involved with someone else.

2. An ex- felon residing in a drug rehab house. while saying he was just a "friend" she sat holding hands and kissing in front of ther girls

3. the married cousin of her ex-sister in law who was having marital problems

4. the ex- boyfriend of the same sister in law ( again just a " friend" according to her)

5. Another ex-felon again on parole resideing in a drug rehab house. My ex would take the kids to see him at rehab and sneek off with him to have sex and leave the kids unattended, she also had him sleep over in her house in front of ther kids, this was a 1 bedroom house so her and this guy slept and had sex in the living room right off the girls bedroom, she also allowed him to place a lock on the outside of their bedroom door so the kids could be locked inside and not walk in on the having sex. This guy had 11 felony convictions from drugs to attempted murder on a police officer and even had a domestic violence arrest for hitting the minor child of a girlfriend. I brought this to her attention and she chose to defend all his actions and stick up for him. I told her I was in fear for the kids saftey and even her and she said he deserved a second chance. By the way this guy is now back in prison with a second strike felony for trying to run my ex wife off the road in her car by ramming it with his.

6. The ex of the same sister in law whom she had a child with. My concern here is that the child has been raised all my kids life as their cousin and neice to me and my ex. Because of this the neice is siding with her father who had not seen her in 7 yrs I know of but made her think it was funner being with him. I saw my neice and she now has the same hair st6yle and color as my ex. My ex thinks there is no problem sleeping with this guy around my kids who must wonder is she my cousin or my step sister, is my ex her aunt or her niece. They sleep tpgether and my kids sleep on the floor. My ex also keeps them out at his house past their bed time

I also found out my ex was called to the kids school about excessice truancy, this on a 4th and 2nd grader.

My ex lives in a house that has no curtains no bedroom doors and the bathroom is usally not working so no toilet or shower. There is no heater so the stove is used. 2 daughters share a room which is 5X7, the other a room right off of the ex wifes. She has even snuck out without telling anyone and spent the night with her boyfriend without the kids knowing. She also has her brother and his son living there so my daughters have no privacy. I need help, I think my wife has issues I dont want passed onto my kids. Any advice on what I do to take my kids and have a better enviroment for them????

Call child Protective Services , and Petition for custody

 

[stealth2]

For starters - you seem to know a heck of a lot about what your ex is doing - where are you getting your information from?

 

[brisgirl825]

For starters - you seem to know a heck of a lot about what your ex is doing - where are you getting your information from?

My ex lives in a house that has no curtains no bedroom doors

That's how.

 

[BL]

Amazing **************..

 

[LdiJ]

That's how.

Unless he is personally witnesses things....the question still stands.

 

[brisgirl825]

Unless he is personally witnesses things....the question still stands.

I realize that, I was attempting to be sarcastic.

OP has kids that live in undesirable living conditions, yet he wants to get custody b/c mom apparently has sex with lots of men.

 

[BL]

I realize that, I was attempting to be sarcastic.

OP has kids that live in undesirable living conditions, yet he wants to get custody b/c mom apparently has sex with lots of men.

The

question of HOW he knows has no bearing .

Geeze H Christ , how may X know all ??? Right or wrong .

7 men ???? Well , the Q is there abuse or neglect ?

To find that out would be a " suspected " report of neglect or abuse ..

The poster seems to have legit concerns .

Depending on the outcome of a Report , it may be possible for the OP to obtain Custody .

Open areas , no doors , etc ?? 7 men Ahhhh Bang bang , but in my opinion , the OP might have something ..


If a neighbor or unbiased person reported it , the better .

 

[stealth2]

The

question of HOW he knows has no bearing .

Geeze H Christ , how may X know all ??? Right or wrong .

7 men ???? Well , the Q is there abuse or neglect ?

To find that out would be a " suspected " report of neglect or abuse ..

The poster seems to have legit concerns .

Depending on the outcome of a Report , it may be possible for the OP to obtain Custody .

Open areas , no doors , etc ?? 7 men Ahhhh Bang bang , but in my opinion , the OP might have something ..


If a neighbor or unbiased person reported it , the better .

God, I do wish you'd post in legible English.

However..... The question of how he knows what the ex is doing is legitimate. Does he know it from family/friends who are in touch with the ex? Has he witnessed it? Has he only heard something from the 4yo? Has he paid a PI to watch her? Has he stalked her himself? You know perfectly well that CPS is well used to disgruntled ex's filing false allegations - and they do tend to view reports from ex's with a jaundiced eye unless they come from rock-solid sources with no axe to grind.

 

[onrey762]

ok I will attempt to answer your questions.

Q. How I know these things:

A. I know about the number of men because she felt compelled to come clean with me during one attempt at reconciliation at put it in a letter.

The living conditions because I see my kids and where they live when I pick them up for visitation. The house she lives in is owned by her mother so no strange place to me. I pay 1100.00 a month in child support and she works but does not want to pay rent so lives there.

As far as abuse or neglect from her lovers the worst one is an ex felon with major violent felony convictions and DV case where he struck an ex GF's child. My issue with him was his violent past and the odds for his falling ba k into that lifestyle. The BF with my ex wifes permission did install a lock on the outside of the kids bedroom door to lock the kids inside during their sex romps, and before ytou ask she told me this when I asked why a lock was on the door.

As far as abuse, no dont think that exisits, neglect well define that for me, my kids live in poor conditions with improper plumbing in the bathroom, they never eat breakfast because she wont make it for them or insist they have it, although when with me at my visitation they eat 3 meals a day. The two kids in school alsso have been truant to the point that the school called a meeting ( which she forgot to tell me about) seems they were absent the same days, keep in mind not old enough to ditch but days she just didnt send them to school.

I considered CPS but was told that I run the risk of the kids going into foster care and that worries me. I live in a 2 bedrrom apt bigger than the house she lives in and my house is spotless and no health issues.

as far as stalking her or an axe to grind, well did I follow her? yes I did, but to verify lies and know what I was dealing with. An axe to grind? well at one point when I thgought reconciliation was possible, keep in mind that for the 3 yr seperation we tried to reconcile at her request, well enough being lied to and I stop listining classic chicken little only the sky did fall. This is not an issue of wanting to be with her, that came and went the last time I found her cheating and lying to me, my concern is the kids and what they are seeing and being taught. These are young girls who need a positive influence on proper behaivor, im afraid they will learn its ok to lie and cheat as long as you get what you want. I am currently involved with a great lady whom my kids love and so you all know has no criminal record lol, my ex does throw her in my face on a regular basis but usally to justify her lying. anyways more questions let me know, this is really causing me concern about my kids

 

[acmb05]

call CPS immediately

And document, document, document EVERYTHING. I may be wrong and will probably be told if I am but I cant see much chance of children being put in foster home if you are willing and able to take them.

 

[stepmom&mom]

Why would your children be put in foster care instead of being placed with you? Is there something you are not telling us?

 

[CJane]

How many of these 'concerns' were already issues BEFORE the divorce was actualy final? It sounds as if she was already sleeping with these men and living in this environment PRIOR to you filing for divorce.

 

[onrey762]

How many of these 'concerns' were already issues BEFORE the divorce was actualy final? It sounds as if she was already sleeping with these men and living in this environment PRIOR to you filing for divorce.

these living conditions are new, upon seperation i left the home we bought together so the kids would not be displaced, i payed CS for over 3 yrs with no court order and myself lived in a 5th wheel trailer. my ex lost the house and moved into this house im speaking about. As far as sleeping with these guys i had no proof just suspisions that until recently were unsubstansiated. please understand its not the fact she sleeps with other men, she has that right, its the fact of the men she chooses and has my children around. Have i been celbate over this time? no i havnt, but
i have not allowed anyone to be around my kids until recently when i moved in with a very nice lady, even with that my kids have not seen any public display of affection. I have always hoped to reconcile but that proved a foolish thought which is the reason i have not raised these issues, as far as my concern about kids going into foster care, i was told that even if i have a good place for the kids its still a risk the state would place the kids into foster care. the thought of that makes me apprehensive about cps. i am employeed have never been arrested and have no addictions. I do fear that CPS will as stated above think im just throwing accusations so im trying to be careful in how i handle this

 

[LdiJ]

Why would your children be put in foster care instead of being placed with you? Is there something you are not telling us?

Believe it or not that actually happens all the time. When CPS snatches children they generally put them straight into foster care, and then the other parent has to also jump through some CPS "hoops" to get them out....which can sometimes take months. It doesn't happen very often if the abusing/neglecting parent is the ncp, but its fairly common when the abusing/neglecting parent is the cp.

I know one father who had to jump through hoops for 6 months to get his child out of foster care (good father with a clean background) and another for whom it took almost a year (same kind of good father, but living in another state). I also know a handful of other parents where it took a few weeks to a couple of months.