Is it discrimination on the basis of gender if I am fired because my boss' wife was threatened by my looks?

[AlmostThere]

Are you suggesting that HR already interviewed the relevant people before they had our interview? I don't think that's the case because I am in regular contact with the previous managing partner who wrote my reference letter and he did not tell me he was contacted by anyone (and even if he was, he would deny the affair as his wife is a lawyer who knows some of the lawyers at my firm and he doesn't want her to find out).

What I'm hearing is that basically it's legal for a firm to hire me based on what happened at my previous firm. But it seems wrong to judge my future actions from my past actions - I have brought zero "drama" into my new firm. I have been 100% professional with my current boss and his wife has nothing to worry about.

I looked at my contract and don't see a "morality" clause, only that if you engage in a romantic relationship with a coworker you must disclose it to HR.

Do you consider sleeping with your co-worker to be a romantic relationship?

 

[Just Blue]

Do you consider sleeping with all your co-workers to be a romantic relationship?

Fixed that for ya.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

Fixed that for ya.

One should not quote someone and then change what they wrote IN the quote box unless the change is obvious. And even then it is skecty. What you should have written was...


"Do you consider sleeping with your MALE co-workers to be a romantic relationship?"

 

[Zigner]

One should not quote someone and then change what they wrote IN the quote box unless the change is obvious. And even then it is skecty. What you should have written was...


"Do you consider sleeping with your MALE co-workers to be a romantic relationship?"

Nah, we all got it. Please do try to keep up.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

Nah, we all got it. Please do try to keep up.

While it is a violation of net etiquette to do it I think what I added made it clearly a joke.

 

[stealth2]

One should not quote someone and then change what they wrote IN the quote box unless the change is obvious. And even then it is skecty. What you should have written was...


"Do you consider sleeping with your MALE co-workers to be a romantic relationship?"

?

 

[cbg]

Hey, folks, let's keep our personal drama llamas out in the pasture. This OP has so many of her own.

 

[Skylar91]

If you want to get ahead in any organization you are going to have to learn to work with/for women as well as men. It would have been illegal sexual discrimination for your employer to choose your assignment based on the sex of the boss you'd have. At one point or another you were likely to end up working for a female boss or on a team headed by a female coworker. The fact that you'd prefer male bosses isn't something the employer may consider in assigning you work, and looking only for male bosses may well shorten your career at any place that employs any significant number of women. This isn't a company problem. The fact that you have a higher comfort level working with men is YOUR issue to work out. The sex of your boss should not make a difference.



A lot of people are not happy with change. But in today's employment environment, most people are going to see some significant changes in their employment situation at least once and often several times throughout their careers. The people who do best are the ones who learn to adapt and even thrive on change. You don't want your superiors to think that you can't handle working for some specific group of people. That'll really end up limiting your options and likely eventually lead to termination.

I suppose you are right that I need to be more adaptable. I was just really happy with this job because when I was hired I was told since my boss is relatively junior that I would likely be his assistant for the next 20 years or so. We got along well (no I was not sleeping with him) and I didn't see any reason why I had to be moved when we worked so well together.

I started with the new female lawyer this morning and she was very cold to me. I don't know if my boss' wife (who is also a lawyer) knows her and has filled her in on what happened at the previous firm. I'll try to stick it out but if it becomes a hostile work environment I'll start looking elsewhere.

 

[cbg]

Before you go down that road, just be advised right now that in employment law, the term, "hostile work environment" has a very specific meaning and it does NOT mean, people behaving "coldly" to you. Or even with hostility.

 

[Skylar91]

Do you consider sleeping with your co-worker to be a romantic relationship?

To be clear, I wasn't sleeping with or engaged in a romantic relationship with anyone at my current firm. It was my last firm when I had made those mistakes. At that firm the culture was that it was also much easier for mistakes to happen because every Friday the owner of the firm would bring out a bunch of hard alcohol and lines of cocaine and everyone would party until 3 or 4 in the morning. That's how a lot of the affairs ended up developing.

At my current firm there isn't much opportunity for this. Some people do do drinks in our lounge after work but most people are gone by 5:30 and my boss is always gone by 4:30 because he has to pick up his child from day care.

 

[AlmostThere]

I suppose you are right that I need to be more adaptable. I was just really happy with this job because when I was hired I was told since my boss is relatively junior that I would likely be his assistant for the next 20 years or so. We got along well (no I was not sleeping with him) and I didn't see any reason why I had to be moved when we worked so well together.

I started with the new female lawyer this morning and she was very cold to me. I don't know if my boss' wife (who is also a lawyer) knows her and has filled her in on what happened at the previous firm. I'll try to stick it out but if it becomes a hostile work environment I'll start looking elsewhere.

What do you mean by she is cold to you?

You could give it a few weeks or months, and then ask for a meeting to discuss how to make your working relationship better.

 

[AlmostThere]

To be clear, I wasn't sleeping with or engaged in a romantic relationship with anyone at my current firm. It was my last firm when I had made those mistakes. At that firm the culture was that it was also much easier for mistakes to happen because every Friday the owner of the firm would bring out a bunch of hard alcohol and lines of cocaine and everyone would party until 3 or 4 in the morning. That's how a lot of the affairs ended up developing.

At my current firm there isn't much opportunity for this. Some people do do drinks in our lounge after work but most people are gone by 5:30 and my boss is always gone by 4:30 because he has to pick up his child from day care.

For many of us, a line of cocaine would be so far off our moral compass we would be updating our resume immediately. And for those of us with responsibilities outside the office, so would partying until 3 AM.