Is it Soup, er- Harassment Yet?

[yabbadabbadoo]

What is the name of your state? TX

Typical case- state of KS, man and woman with 2 kids, man and woman divorce, live seperate lives in the same city for 13 years, man visits children at leisure- once every 3-5 months, misses birthdays, attends no school functions, DOES pay child support but basically not involved.

As planned and well known by all for a number of months, woman announces date of move to TX. Man files for custody under guise of 'concern for children'. (even though he does not know date of youngest child's birthday.) Judge says no and tells woman 'have fun in TX'.

Woman moves to TX to live on beach and start her own business. Man sends police officers to woman's house saying he 'fears for the life of his children' . Police officers knock on door but do not even enter the residence. Whole incident takes 2-3 minutes and officers are gone. Man sends CPS to womans house the following week, reporting no food in the house, drugs, unemployment of woman, children in danger...CPS finds claims untrue.

1) Is this harrassment yet or do I have to wait until next week for a third intrusion- like when he drives down here to kidnap the kids?

2)When he called the police, I knew he was waiting for me to call to draw me into a conflict- so I didn't. Next he sent CPS. I knew he was waiting for me to call. So, once again- I didn't contact him. Every time I don't respond he does something else.

What can he do next? Is there anything he can file that would allow the kids to be taken out of my custody? (We have joint custody- I have custodial residence.) I am in TX. He is in KS.

3)When he talks to the kids on the phone, he always asks them if and where I work and how much money I have. Does he need to know that? Do I have to tell him anything about how much money I make? He claims it's because he's 'concerned about the children' and wants to know they'll be taken care of.

If he was concerned for his children, why did he not make this type of effort when we lived in the same city? He could have filed for custody at any given point in the 13 years if he felt I were an inadequate mother. (By the way, I have a degree in Early Childhood Education, I homeschool my children, I'm a vegan, I jog 7 miles per day, and I have owned 2 different businesses and will be going into my third this spring. I don't feel that I am an inadequate mother. He, however, lives with his mother in a trailer park and works at the Conoco third shift to support them both. Maybe that has something to do with it.)

I'm wondering if I should react or lay low. If I don't respond he may try to get a rise out of me by somehow having the children removed from the house. So is there something I can file or need to file to protect us from that? If there's nothing he can do, I'll just let him burn himself out. (He can't just keep calling the police and CPS filing false reports, can he? I would think sooner or later that would bite him in the a$$.) If he continues to call the police and CPS, can I file anything against him? Would it be wise to have an attorney send a cease and desist letter with really big words in it? Part of me feels that would be playing right into his hands and that insatiable need for chaos. I would like to just lay low. That iis unless, the next thing that could happen is him somehow finding a way to have the boys forcibly removed.

Please tell me he's out of moves...

 

[Ohiogal]

Can you prove conclusively that he called CPS and not just assume it was him? CPS didn't tell you -- they aren't allowed. So how do you KNOW it was him? And you dont know he expected you to call him. Unless he called you later bragging about the situation.

 

[yabbadabbadoo]

Yes. Your'e right. It has to be him because there isn't anybody else. My parents are out of the picture. I don't know anyone down here. I've only been here about 2 months- I'm still unpacking. He pulled the custody thing before we left- which delayed the move. Then we moved and he sent the police- they did tell me it was him in that case. Then CPS shows up a week later. The CPS worker said there was a concern of no food in the house and 'stomach problems' with the 'older' child. The week prior my son WAS having stomach problems one night due to cheese he ate that was supposed to be made of soy- but also had milk protein in it. He's extremely lactose intolerant- (and, shame one me, I didn't read the label on it because I stupidly assumed soy cheese would have no milk in it.) This was also the night he talked to his dad. His dad demanded to know if I was working and where, if I was seeing anyone, etc.- everything but 'hi how are you'. My son told him I do not have a job and I'm not dating anyone. My son told him that we were leaving to go to the grocery store because, as we say in our house, 'the cupboords are bare'. That doesn't mean we're starving to death- it means it's time to replenish our food source.

No, I am not working at the moment but I have income from the inventory I sold when I closed my last business to move down here. How much, in my opinion, is nobody's business- but I did not come down here on a whim. I do have a plan.

I feel he may be concerned about child support matters and feels that maybe it will increase because I moved. He told me he was going to move to have the child support reduced for 'travel expenses'. I shrugged and said fine. I don't care about his child support. I don't rely on it anyway. He then whined at me that he was never going to see his kids again because he could never get the money or time off to go to Texas. He rarely saw his kids to begin with anyway and I feel that if he has the time and money to get a DUI, he should be able to do just about anything. When the heart is willing, it finds a thousand reasons. When it's not- it finds a thousand excuses.

The man likes conflict. When we first split up he did the same crap. When he contested the paternity of both children, I called him- angry. He told me- 'I knew you'd call for this one.' he said smugly. 'Now you have to talk to me.' It's his MO. This time I'm not falling for it.

I just want to protect myself and ask if there's anything he can do next. If the police and CPS have nothing to go on- can he find another way to remove these kids? Because if I don't respond- he can't have chaos. In the meantime- I have two boys who are getting very angry. I don't want this for them and they don't deserve it- but I am not moving back just to placate that jackass. We were there in the same city blocks away from each other and he didn't care. Now we're here. He can either move down here if he's so damn concerned or he can **** off.

 

[Ohiogal]

If the kids are getting angry get them in counseling. Dad has a right to take you back to court for custody whenever he wants. Will he get it? Not if there has not been a substantial change in circumstances. But you have nothing to go on for harassment.

 

[yabbadabbadoo]

Thank you for the information.