Is my son the harrasser? Or is he being harrassed?

[Camiecm]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri
I will try to make this short. My son is an honor roll student, Joseph Baldwin Academy Nominee, in the gifted program, and loved by his teachers. He is 14, and has only been in trouble three times during his schooling. All involving this girl. They had gone out off and on. When they are "off"..she doesnt seem to like it. She has set him up into fights, she has lied about her parents beating her. Has o.d'd on TUMS, and has threatened that she was "cutting" herself. He (finally, I might add) has seen through this, and he did post an innapropriate comment on facebook. The parents want to file assualt charges for this. He has since deleted his account. Then we had a school function, and I watched my son, this girl, and her mother like a hawk. The mother was watching my son quite a lot too. Now, they have gone to the school saying my son was "staring at her mom the whole time". This simply IS NOT true. I was there. I was watching. Press charges against me...but, he paid NO attention to her. The daughter has called him over and over from her mothers phone, and he texted her back and called her a name. The girl is now stating that he is texting her mother calling her names for no reason. My son has been "talked to" by the police and principals two days in a row. I think they all realize the REAL problem here. But, I am scared how far this could go. He no longer wants to go to school, and usually loves it. He had complained a week before this about her "stalking" him, and I blew it off as his ego getting a little too big. I am afraid this girl will do something that will hurt him, hurt his future, or cause him to blow. Am I wrong? I am aware that he did say a cruel comment online about her cutting herself. I normally dont get into "teenage drama", but, I am actually worried this has gone too far. Is he the harrasser? Or is she?

 

[ErinGoBragh]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri
I will try to make this short. My son is an honor roll student, Joseph Baldwin Academy Nominee, in the gifted program, and loved by his teachers.

Okay.. so he's a good student.

He is 14, and has only been in trouble three times during his schooling.

Three times is a lot, IMO.

All involving this girl. They had gone out off and on. When they are "off"..she doesnt seem to like it. She has set him up into fights, she has lied about her parents beating her.

How did she "set your son up into fights"? Did she hold a gun to his head an force him to start a fight? Are we talking verbal, physical, or both?

Has o.d'd on TUMS, and has threatened that she was "cutting" herself.

Irrelevant.

He (finally, I might add) has seen through this, and he did post an innapropriate comment on facebook.

Bad move on his part. Out of curiosity, what was the nature of the comment?

The parents want to file assualt charges for this.

They can't file ASSAULT charges for a facebook comment. However, depending on the context of the comment, your son could be looking at other charges.

He has since deleted his account.

...Good.

Then we had a school function, and I watched my son, this girl, and her mother like a hawk. The mother was watching my son quite a lot too. Now, they have gone to the school saying my son was "staring at her mom the whole time". This simply IS NOT true. I was there. I was watching. Press charges against me...but, he paid NO attention to her.

Not a crime anyways.

The daughter has called him over and over from her mothers phone, and he texted her back and called her a name.

Your son needs to get more mature, and STOP CONTACTING THIS GIRL UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

The girl is now stating that he is texting her mother calling her names for no reason.

He did text her mothers phone and call her a name. You just admitted it.

My son has been "talked to" by the police and principals two days in a row. I think they all realize the REAL problem here.

The real problem is BOTH the girl and your own precious son, who is apparently clueless as to when to keep his trap shut.

But, I am scared how far this could go. He no longer wants to go to school, and usually loves it. He had complained a week before this about her "stalking" him, and I blew it off as his ego getting a little too big. I am afraid this girl will do something that will hurt him, hurt his future, or cause him to blow. Am I wrong?

Your son needs to LEAVE THE GIRL ALONE. PERIOD. And grow a pair and learn that it's not the end of the world, or his time at this school, if he can learn to stop harassing people.

I am aware that he did say a cruel comment online about her cutting herself. I normally dont get into "teenage drama", but, I am actually worried this has gone too far. Is he the harrasser? Or is she?

Are you aware of cyberbullying laws? Your son could be guilty of these. It CERTAINLY sounds as if your son has a hand in the harassment. If it's THAT bad, you and your son should go file for a restraining order against this girl.. but if I were her parents, I would file one against your son for my daughter. Your son needs to stay in line and leave this girl alone, because if there haven't already been serious consequences for your son, they may very well be right around the bend if this behavior continues.

 

[stealth2]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri
I will try to make this short. My son is an honor roll student, Joseph Baldwin Academy Nominee, in the gifted program, and loved by his teachers. He is 14, and has only been in trouble three times during his schooling. All involving this girl. They had gone out off and on. When they are "off"..she doesnt seem to like it. She has set him up into fights, she has lied about her parents beating her. Has o.d'd on TUMS, and has threatened that she was "cutting" herself. He (finally, I might add) has seen through this, and he did post an innapropriate comment on facebook. The parents want to file assualt charges for this. He has since deleted his account. Then we had a school function, and I watched my son, this girl, and her mother like a hawk. The mother was watching my son quite a lot too. Now, they have gone to the school saying my son was "staring at her mom the whole time". This simply IS NOT true. I was there. I was watching. Press charges against me...but, he paid NO attention to her. The daughter has called him over and over from her mothers phone, and he texted her back and called her a name. The girl is now stating that he is texting her mother calling her names for no reason. My son has been "talked to" by the police and principals two days in a row. I think they all realize the REAL problem here. But, I am scared how far this could go. He no longer wants to go to school, and usually loves it. He had complained a week before this about her "stalking" him, and I blew it off as his ego getting a little too big. I am afraid this girl will do something that will hurt him, hurt his future, or cause him to blow. Am I wrong? I am aware that he did say a cruel comment online about her cutting herself. I normally dont get into "teenage drama", but, I am actually worried this has gone too far. Is he the harrasser? Or is she?

I agree with the response you received above. However, I'm not sure that YOU realize the "real" problem here. And that is that your son, as smart as he may be, is no angel in the situation and that he HAS contributed to the current problems. It sure as heck isn't just the girl and her mother.

What have you done to address HIS involvement? Does he still have internet access? Does he still have a cell phone? If he were my son - 'Net access would be gone and his cell phone would have texting blocked and the only numbers available for dialing would be for emergencies - me, his Dad, an emergency contact, 911.

Are either of you aware of the current case in MA involving a 15yo girl who committed suicide over cyber and physical bullying and the repercussions to the kids who perpetrated it? Might not be bad to enlighten your son just what sort of stuff he's been a part of and what potential consequences are. (Google "Phoebe Prince") Good opportunity for him to do a research project - on his time.

Quite frankly, this has gone far beyond normal "teen drama" and it's time for you to step up to the plate a bit more strongly.