Did you hear about the blond couple that were found frozen to
death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter."
How do you recognize a blond at a car wash?
He's the one on his bike.
What do you call four blondes in a Volkswagon?
Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the handicap zone.
Did you hear about the blond who almost caused a car accident?
The spare tire in his trunk blew out.
How does the blonde car pool work?
They all meet at work at 7:45.
Why do blonds drive BMWs?
Because they can spell it.
What did the blond do when he heard that 90% of accidents
occur within five miles of home?
He moved ten miles away.
Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
In case she locks the keys in her car.
Why did the blond have tire tread marks on his back?
From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK."
Why did the blond cross the road?
I don't know.
Neither did he.
Or: He wanted to see the geese because he heard honking!
What goes "Vroom...screech...vroom...screech...vroom...screech?"
A blonde at a flashing red light.
Two blonds observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of
their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
Blond#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting
to rain and the top is down!
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a
handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to
the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for
her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had
paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his
pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch,
it's a Ferrari."
Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Why didn't the blondes go to the movies on one buck night?
They couldn't fit a deer into the car.
A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying
overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over
her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've
hit me right in the face!"
There was a blonde who was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she
decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair.
She went driving down a country road and came across a herd
of sheep. She stopped and called the sheep herder over.
"Tell you what. I have a proposition for you," said the woman.
"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take
one home?" "Sure," said the sheep herder. So, she sat up and looked
at the herd for a second and then replied "382." "Wow." Said the herder.
"That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take
home." So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car.
Then, the herder said, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you."
"What is it?" queried the woman.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the
horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and
rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm
grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides
down the side of the horse anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try
and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is
now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck
against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the
ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when...the
Wal-Mart manager runs out and shuts the horse off.
Why are there no dumb brunettes?
What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits
the ground first?
The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
Or: The brunette. The blonde is such an airhead.
Why did the blonde dye her hair brunette?
She thought it would help her get a higher score on the SAT.
Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
From eating with forks.
Did you hear about the blonde who ate rocky mountain oysters?
She was dragged 200 yards.
What did the blond say to the physicist?
"Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
How does a blond kill a fish?
He drowns it.
How did the blond die ice fishing?
He was run over by the zamboni.
Three blondes were sitting by the side of a river holding fishing
poles with the lines in the water. A game warden came up behind
them, tapped one on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd
like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.
"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses."
"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all
have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the
bottom of the river."
The warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were
magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it,"
said the warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, he left.
As soon as he was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing
hysterically. "What a dumb cop," the second blonde said to the
other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?!"
Why did the blonde bake a chicken for three and a half days?
It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
Why can't blonds make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.
Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
Because they can't fit eight cups of water in the little packet.
Why don't blondes double recipes?
The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
What does a blonde make best for dinner?
What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blond hair?
Last year's Hide and Seek winner.
Why do blondes have more fun?
They are easier to keep amused.
How do you keep a blond busy?
Write 'please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
(I'll tell you tomorrow.)
How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
Give her a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person
to say 'hi.'
Why do blondes shower for hours?
The shampoo bottle says, "Lather, rinse, and repeat!"
How do you get a blond to be quiet?
Say: "A penny for your thoughts."
Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
To turn the blinker off.
What does a blond say when you ask him if the blinker is on?
It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
What is the difference between Elvis and smart blonds?
Elvis has been sighted.
Why did the blond snort Nutra-Sweet?
He thought it was Diet Coke.
Why do blondes wear earmuffs?
To avoid the draft.