Is there anything I can do?

[qwertyuiop]

I'm in South Carolina, and the problem I have is a rather involved issue. My 18 year old daughter met a boy that we thought would be good for her, because he is a preachers son. Over the past year, the boy (who is 19) began to disrespect my wife and me. Everything he did was to spite anything that we told our daughter. If we asked her to be home at a certain time, he would tell her she might not be home by the time, regardless of what we said. At one point, our daughter moved out, for 3 days. We she came back to us wanting to move back in, we let her. But it was under the agreement that she couldn't see this boy anymore. After 4 or 5 days of crying and not eating, and with us sitting up with her throughout each night trying to console her, she talked us into letting her see this boy again. Trying to be good parents, and feeling bad because of how miserable she had been, we let her begin seeing him again. All went well for a short time. But then, it all started all over again. This went on until December 27th, when he broke up with her and told her he didn't want anything to do with her again. Again we stayed up with her for 3 or 4 nights, going through the crying and not eating bit all over again. After about the 5th or 6th night, all that stopped, and we questioned how she had gotten over him so fast. Her reply was that he had called her, and wanted them to be friends. Of course, her mother and I were outraged. We told her that she could not see this boy anymore, as long as she was living under our roof. We just can't forgive him for the things he's done, and for the things he has said, and for what he has put our family through. Of course, my daughter forgives all of his actions, because she loves him . I stood my ground, and told her that if she saw this boy again, she would have to move out, because we were not going to allow him to continue disrupting our family. Last night I caught them together at a local restaurant, after she had told us that she was no longer seeing him, but she had also kept asking why we couldn't let her make her own decisions about whom she could see. I told them in the restaurant that this was the last straw, and told my daughter we would finish our conversation at home.

Did I do the right thing?

I told her that if she saw, received a phone call from, or got a text message from this boy ever again (while she lives in my house) that I would sign papers against her to have her put out. (My understanding is that I have to give her 30 days) But if she wants to stay, she is to have no contact with this boy as long as she's living under my roof.

My question.... finally!

Is there any legal action I can file against this boy to keep him away from my daughter as long as she's living under my roof? Or is the threat of putting her out the only course of action I have?

 

[seniorjudge]

What did she say when you took her cell phone away?

 

[Happy Trails]

Just my opinion, but any guy who doesn't respect his girlfriend's parents, probably isn't going to respect the girl.

 

[qwertyuiop]

She has been given two weeks to get herself a cell phone if she wants one, as hers will be disconnected then. The secondary phone line in my home, the one in her room, was disconnected today. She hasn't found this out yet because she is in class. She goes to college, and that is one of the things I think that is keeping her home. Because she knows if she leaves, she won't have transportation. And if we give her the car, she'll have to provide her own insurance, pay for her own gas (which I'm paying for now, but just for her to travel back and forth to school, which is where she also works), she'll also have to get her own cell phone, provide her own health insurance, and pay her own bills. (Which she should be doing anyway. Kids today don't have enough responsibility.)

Yeah I know. It's my fault for handing her everything on a silver platter, and I take blame for the way she has turned out. At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I know different.

I just never thought anyone could turn my own daughter against me, or my wife. I thought our relationship was too strong for that. But I remember when I was that age. I thought I had all the answers too.

What this boy has done is not our fault though, we did nothing to draw this kind of treatment from him. Part of me wants to teach him what it means to be a real man, but on the other hand, he's not worth spending any time in jail over for assault and battery. And as for his dad, well he's not any better. He's a self proclaimed preacher, he's not even ordained. And if Christianity is what he represents, well then I'm glad I'm not one of his followers. I'd hate to be one of those in line at the gates that he's leading them to. His life is another story all together, and it's one I won't bore you with. Unless you really want to know

Otherwise, what do you think... oh knowledgable one?

Do I have a leg to stand on, or am I spitting in the wind?

 

[seniorjudge]

Your 18 year old daughter who is going to college is doing what she wants to do.

I vote for spitting.

I'd kick her out too but I know that is not an option.

 

[qwertyuiop]

Just my opinion, but any guy who doesn't respect his girlfriend's parents, probably isn't going to respect the girl.

I agree with your opinion Happy Trails, and he doesn't respect her. She just doesn't see it that way. I questioned her on a few things when I saw checks in her checkbook for several different restaurants. (This is when they were dating, before all the turmoil started.) I asked her about this, and she said she had to pay for her own food, because he didn't have enough money to pay for both of them. Yes, he has a job, a decent one at that. But he lives at home with his parents, and claims he has to pay his father backk for a loan he gave him, and he also has a truck payment to make. This I could understand, and didn't hold this against him, at first. I made sure that when she left the house to go out with him, that she had enough monoey to cover her meal, and anything else she wanted. It was only after the breakup did I find out that she was paying for EVERYTHING! Her meals, his meals, the movies.... whatever it was that they did, came out of her (or my) pocket. Correct me if I'm wrong, but this just isn't right. I feel like he's taking advantage of her, but again, she doesn't see it.

 

[qwertyuiop]

Your 18 year old daughter who is going to college is doing what she wants to do.

I vote for spitting.

I'd kick her out too but I know that is not an option.

Why would kicking her out not be an option, if she goes against the rule we have set forth for her. And it's the only rule we have set... DO NOT SEE THIS BOY. Are we wrong for standing up for what we know is right? We are tired of him controlling her, and controlling the emotions of this family. The only way I see to stop it is to get him out of her life, or to get her out from under our roof, if that's what it takes. No, I don't won't to have to put her out, but what other option would I have? I know she is doing what every 18 year old can't wait to do, and thats her own thing. But when it conflicts with everything she has going for her, I can't just stand by and watch it all go down the tubes. The good thing is, she wants to finish college, I just don't know if she can stay away from him long enough to do that. Because if I kick her out, her college days are pretty much over, because the boy sure won't do anything about getting her to school. He promised her the world until she moved out the first time, but when she left and moved in with her cousin for a few days, she quickly found out that he couldn't do anything to help her. I just feel like we're between a rock and a hard place, and I'm not sure which way I should start chipping.

 

[seniorjudge]

...Why would kicking her out not be an option, if she goes against the rule we have set forth for her....

Kick her out!

 

[stealth2]

She's an adult and you are no longer legally responsible for her. Tell her she can follow your house rules, or she can find her own place to live. Grow a pair, dude.

 

[qwertyuiop]

You know, I thought this forum was here for legal advice, but all I've been getting are opinions. Is there no one here that knows enough about the law to answer the legal aspects of my question? Like, is there anything I can do legally to keep this nutcase of a boyfriend away from her as long as she's living in my household?

From what I've seen so far, there's no one here that can intelligently give me that answer. So what is this, a total waste of my time? Not suprising, as you can only expect this from something labeled as FREE. You get what your pay for, and nothing plus nothing still equals nothing.

 

[seniorjudge]

...You know, I thought this forum was here for legal advice, but all I've been getting are opinions. Is there no one here that knows enough about the law to answer the legal aspects of my question? Like, is there anything I can do legally to keep this nutcase of a boyfriend away from her as long as she's living in my household?...

Legal advice is opinion!

Duh!

"Like, is there anything I can do legally to keep this nutcase of a boyfriend away from her as long as she's living in my household?..."

Like yeah.

Change the locks and lock her in her room.

 

[stealth2]

Which part of SHE IS AN ADULT is difficult to understand? She is actually free to associate with whomsoever she pleases. If you don't like the people she associates with, you can follow the legal guidelines to have her move out of your home. i.e. evict her. Time to stop treating her like a little girl.

If you want something more concrete, hie thy ass to an attorney and pay for a consultation.

 

[qwertyuiop]

Legal advice is opinion!

Duh!

And which school did you go to?

Advice is a recommendation regarding a decision or course of conduct, an opinion is a formal expression of judgment or advice by an expert.

And it's clear.... there are no EXPERTS here.

 

[qwertyuiop]

Which part of SHE IS AN ADULT is difficult to understand? She is actually free to associate with whomsoever she pleases. If you don't like the people she associates with, you can follow the legal guidelines to have her move out of your home. i.e. evict her. Time to stop treating her like a little girl.

If you want something more concrete, hie thy ass to an attorney and pay for a consultation.

And we see where you went to school. Obnoxious University. You're so full of yourself you can't give an intelligent answer without trying to make a person look stupid. Well no one has to do that for you. You do a good job at doing that yourself.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Your daughter in an adult, while you can make rules for her while she lives in your house, you can't get a restraining arder against her BF unless there is a threat, it would be different if she were a minor, but she is not. She is being used by him, we all know that, but she is blind to all his fualts. If he threatens her she can take action against him. So at this point, it's up to her and how far you are willing to go to enforce your rules and expectations, even though it's for her own good, she is still an adult. You might wish to speak to his father, but you know the reputaiton of PK's? They may be as frustrated with him as you are and all parents will favor their own children. If your daughter leaves you may be throwing her into his arms until he tires of her. Make sure she has and uses birth control.