Is this legal??

[moldableman]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Alabama

New topic. Is it legal to court order that someone be called by a certain name?? Not last names, but nicknames? Such as dad or mom? The situation is that I have been present in my stepdaughter's life for seven years...she is eight. Her father was out of the picture until about three years ago. Two years ago my wife and he went to court and he pitched a fit that his daughter called me dad. I understand his feelings, but he was absent for about five years. Is it really legal to court order a child not to call her stepdad, dad? Just curious..

 

[Zephyr]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Alabama

New topic. Is it legal to court order that someone be called by a certain name?? Not last names, but nicknames? Such as dad or mom? The situation is that I have been present in my stepdaughter's life for seven years...she is eight. Her father was out of the picture until about three years ago. Two years ago my wife and he went to court and he pitched a fit that his daughter called me dad. I understand his feelings, but he was absent for about five years. Is it really legal to court order a child not to call her stepdad, dad? Just curious..

Yes it is, and it's not as uncommon as one might think.

 

[moldableman]

Yes it is, and it's not as uncommon as one might think.

so what do you do if the child refuses to abide? It has been documented by her psychologist that it is very mentally and emotionally upsetting to her.

 

[Zephyr]

so what do you do if the child refuses to abide? It has been documented by her psychologist that it is very mentally and emotionally upsetting to her.

Make another special name for you and her to use.

 

[Proserpina]

so what do you do if the child refuses to abide? It has been documented by her psychologist that it is very mentally and emotionally upsetting to her.

After three years there just might be an underlying reason why she's still so emotionally upset about it. Three years is more than adequate time to adjust. What else is going on?

Is Mom truly facilitating the relationship between her daughter and Dad?

If she calls you Dad, is she corrected? Does Mom let it go once in awhile?

Is kiddo getting mixed messages? Sometimes it's ok, sometimes she's chastised?

What is really going on here?

 

[moldableman]

Make another special name for you and her to use.

Yea, I had the conversation with the father about it and he said that as long as she didn't do it around him that he didn't mind. So, she continued on for another year or so. Since then, there have been several disagreements and out of anger he has retracted this agreement. Needless to say, the little girl is very upset and confused.... She totally understands that I am step dad and he is her father, but she is adamant about calling me daddy.. Very upsetting.. We came to the understanding that love isn't in a name, but she feels alienated when I tell her that she can't call me daddy anymore.. Sad that kids get caught in the middle

 

[Rushia]

Yea, I had the conversation with the father about it and he said that as long as she didn't do it around him that he didn't mind. So, she continued on for another year or so. Since then, there have been several disagreements and out of anger he has retracted this agreement. Needless to say, the little girl is very upset and confused.... She totally understands that I am step dad and he is her father, but she is adamant about calling me daddy.. Very upsetting.. We came to the understanding that love isn't in a name, but she feels alienated when I tell her that she can't call me daddy anymore.. Sad that kids get caught in the middle

You and the mother put her in the middle since she was 1. You should have NEVER told her it was alright to call you "dad". Then it wouldn't be a problem. She also most likely picks up on the fact that you and mom are trying to push her dad out of her life.

 

[wileybunch]

Of course it's legal in a situation where a child has a mother and father and a spouse of one or the other has allowed the child to call them by a parental name that there can be a court order BARRING that. And, it must be followed or the parent that's allowing it can lose custody to the other parent. Courts do NOT mess around when someone else steps into the picture and tries to assume that role and confuses the child. The dad has every right to put his foot down (even if you don't like him, even if he's not "father of the year", even if no sane woman would ever want to make him a father, etc.). You are treading on very dangerous ground if there already IS a court order and you've disregarded it. You need to stop this situation now, but now you are going to have to deal with the confusion it's caused with your stepdaughter.

 

[nextwife]

"Mom" or "Dad" is NOT a nickname. It is a title!

Mike is a nickname. Jimmie is a nickname. Deb is a nickname.

Variations of parental address are not nicknames.

 

[moldableman]

Of course it's legal in a situation where a child has a mother and father and a spouse of one or the other has allowed the child to call them by a parental name that there can be a court order BARRING that. And, it must be followed or the parent that's allowing it can lose custody to the other parent. Courts do NOT mess around when someone else steps into the picture and tries to assume that role and confuses the child. The dad has every right to put his foot down (even if you don't like him, even if he's not "father of the year", even if no sane woman would ever want to make him a father, etc.). You are treading on very dangerous ground if there already IS a court order and you've disregarded it. You need to stop this situation now, but now you are going to have to deal with the confusion it's caused with your stepdaughter.

I reckon so. We did not know that he was going to come back into her life when she was 1. We are not trying to push him out. I personally try to condone the relationship between them. Her father simply does not like the fact that there is another male role model in his daughter's life. He won't even call to talk to her if there is a possibility that I am at the house. Last year my stepdaughter fell and hit her head at school. I called him and his family so that he could call and talk to his daughter...I called because my wife was at work. He refused to call and talk to his daughter because my wife was at work and he would have to talk to me in order to get on the phone with her, as she was light headed and not feeling well.

I do understand the court order, I have just never heard of such

 

[Proserpina]

I reckon so. We did not know that he was going to come back into her life when she was 1.

Had you been introduced as Bob you probably wouldn't be having the issue now; I know it's hard, but it is much easier to correct this at a very early age than it is after the child has been doing so for years. Trust me. I've been there and done it. Frankly you and Mom are just as responsible as Dad (if not moreso) for any confusion the child is suffering. If she is in the middle of it all it's because both of her parents have put her there - not just Dad.

This didn't have to happen. It didn't have to be like this. She's having difficulty because of the three grown-ups in her life.

We are not trying to push him out. I personally try to condone the relationship between them.

I know what you're trying to say here - but dude, choose your words very carefully - this can seriously come across as "I am allowing him the relationship with his child - and that's very big of me to do so; Dad should be thanking me".

Her father simply does not like the fact that there is another male role model in his daughter's life. He won't even call to talk to her if there is a possibility that I am at the house.

Right or wrong he apparently believes he has ample reason for this.

Last year my stepdaughter fell and hit her head at school. I called him and his family so that he could call and talk to his daughter...I called because my wife was at work. He refused to call and talk to his daughter because my wife was at work and he would have to talk to me in order to get on the phone with her, as she was light headed and not feeling well.

I do understand the court order, I have just never heard of such

Between the three of you this can be fixed. But Mom and Dad have to take the reins - not you.

 

[moldableman]

Had you been introduced as Bob you probably wouldn't be having the issue now; I know it's hard, but it is much easier to correct this at a very early age than it is after the child has been doing so for years. Trust me. I've been there and done it. Frankly you and Mom are just as responsible as Dad (if not moreso) for any confusion the child is suffering. If she is in the middle of it all it's because both of her parents have put her there - not just Dad.

This didn't have to happen. It didn't have to be like this. She's having difficulty because of the three grown-ups in her life.



I know what you're trying to say here - but dude, choose your words very carefully - this can seriously come across as "I am allowing him the relationship with his child - and that's very big of me to do so; Dad should be thanking me".



Right or wrong he apparently believes he has ample reason for this.



Between the three of you this can be fixed. But Mom and Dad have to take the reins - not you.

I feel ya. I mean that I try to encourage the relationship between her and her father. I say this because she and I are very close. I hate that he chose to be absent for so long, but he can't really get mad at the fact that his daughter bonded with another man. Names, no names, the relationship is formed now. I have no intention of loving her less. I have told him a thousand times that he cannot build his relationship with his daughter by trying to tear ours down. I appreciate the input. Please allow a little grace, there are no perfect parents. The reason that she started calling me daddy is because my name is Donnie, and at such a young age and with her father being absent, she called me daddy because she had heard the word and we thought little about it because he was long gone, or so we thought. Hind sight is 20/20. All we can do is work on it now.

 

[Antigone*]

I reckon so. We did not know that he was going to come back into her life when she was 1. We are not trying to push him out. I personally try to condone the relationship between them. Her father simply does not like the fact that there is another male role model in his daughter's life. He won't even call to talk to her if there is a possibility that I am at the house. Last year my stepdaughter fell and hit her head at school. I called him and his family so that he could call and talk to his daughter...I called because my wife was at work. He refused to call and talk to his daughter because my wife was at work and he would have to talk to me in order to get on the phone with her, as she was light headed and not feeling well.

I do understand the court order, I have just never heard of such

There he goes with the "we" thing again

 

[moldableman]

There he goes with the "we" thing again

What you are saying is very ignorant. It is dumb for people to think that stepparents aren't influential. I really don't want to get off on this "we" thing. WE are married, and WE raise all of our kids the same way. And WE don't care how YOU feel about it. It is unfair to alienate children. Whether or not I fathered her has nothing to do with how she feels loved in our house.

 

[Proserpina]

I feel ya. I mean that I try to encourage the relationship between her and her father. I say this because she and I are very close. I hate that he chose to be absent for so long, but he can't really get mad at the fact that his daughter bonded with another man. Names, no names, the relationship is formed now. I have no intention of loving her less.

You're not being asked to love her less. You're being asked to respect the rights of her father. This is not about you - at all.

I have told him a thousand times that he cannot build his relationship with his daughter by trying to tear ours down. I appreciate the input. Please allow a little grace, there are no perfect parents.

Neither of her parents are perfect - nobody is even loosely suggesting that's the case. But again, you've made it about you - seriously, re-read your posts here. There is so much "I" and so little anything else that it's understandable if Dad - however much of a deadbeat loser he may or may not be - is feeling threatened.

It's not about you. It's about this child, and the dynamic between her, her father, and her mother. You are secondary.

The reason that she started calling me daddy is because my name is Donnie, and at such a young age and with her father being absent, she called me daddy because she had heard the word and we thought little about it because he was long gone, or so we thought. Hind sight is 20/20. All we can do is work on it now.

Yes, now it's about damage control. If you want that child to grow into a healthy, well-adjusted, secure young lady, step back some. She knows you love her - you know she loves you. There's no need for insecurity on your part, so step back a little.

Do the right thing.