Joint Custody Disagreement

[couch1971]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? ND

My ex and I have a large disagreement as to the future of our childs schooling. My ex is an atheist while I am a practicing Catholic and our child is also. In the divorce decree, it was stated that the "parties" shall come to a mutual agreement as to the schooling and schools attended by our child.

My ex refuses to allow her to go to a private/religous school (all the private schools here are religious based). I have not asked him to pay for the cost whatsoever, it is his own problem with religion that is the problem.

OUr child's progress at public school has been worsening, as well as her behavior. I have taken her to counseling in an attempt find out what is bothering her and get to the bottom of her sudden change in attitude towards the worse.

She has been pre-diagnosed with slight AD-D and the doctor said that she performs much better in a smaller setting where she has more attention and does not feel overwhelmed.

So, ideally, a private school in the area is our choice, where classes are small, the school is smaller by tenfold, and the results of the schooling far outmatch the public system in our area.

There is my quandry, my ex and I will never agree on a different school, since the only alternatives are private/religious based....which his ego and atheism outweighs what is better for our child evidently.


Has anyone had a similar situation as this? If so , how did you resolve it? Were there legal possibilities against the opposing party, when they will not do what is best for the child, based solely on their own beliefs?

Thanks in advance for your help!

 

[nextwife]

Are you saying that there are NO private school options that are non-sectarian?

Non-Catholics also send their kids to private schools. Even non-Christians.

Look, you always knew he was athiest and did not want a Catholic education for his child. That did not change just because of divorce. What about tutoring or a supplimental program such as Huntington to boost her educational experience?

 

[stealth2]

Actually, there are no local private schools here that are secular, either. Catholic or Jewish is the only choice.

 

[nextwife]

Actually, there are no local private schools here that are secular, either. Catholic or Jewish is the only choice.

In NY? Wow.

I'm just in little ol' Wisconsin. Yes, we have Catholic, Lutheran, three Jewish Day schools, two secular private "academies" (one in the western burbs and one in the eastern ones), some Choice secular Charter schools, and plenty of great public schools. Mine is in public school, and even with all her severe delays, ODD, ADD and PI issues is doing very well in public school.

 

[LdiJ]

Actually, there are no local private schools here that are secular, either. Catholic or Jewish is the only choice.

Pretty much the same in my city too...I have been racking my brain to think of just one...and I can't come up with one.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? ND

My ex and I have a large disagreement as to the future of our childs schooling. My ex is an atheist while I am a practicing Catholic and our child is also. In the divorce decree, it was stated that the "parties" shall come to a mutual agreement as to the schooling and schools attended by our child.

My ex refuses to allow her to go to a private/religous school (all the private schools here are religious based). I have not asked him to pay for the cost whatsoever, it is his own problem with religion that is the problem.

OUr child's progress at public school has been worsening, as well as her behavior. I have taken her to counseling in an attempt find out what is bothering her and get to the bottom of her sudden change in attitude towards the worse.

She has been pre-diagnosed with slight AD-D and the doctor said that she performs much better in a smaller setting where she has more attention and does not feel overwhelmed.

So, ideally, a private school in the area is our choice, where classes are small, the school is smaller by tenfold, and the results of the schooling far outmatch the public system in our area.

There is my quandry, my ex and I will never agree on a different school, since the only alternatives are private/religious based....which his ego and atheism outweighs what is better for our child evidently.


Has anyone had a similar situation as this? If so , how did you resolve it? Were there legal possibilities against the opposing party, when they will not do what is best for the child, based solely on their own beliefs?

Thanks in advance for your help!

You are overlooking an important solution (because you want the religious school to be the only option IMO)

Public schools have excellent programs for children with ADD, ADHD or LD. You need to secure a diagnosis for your child and then enroll her in a 504 program with an Education Improvement Plan also. She will get smaller classrooms if that is necessary- but most importantly she will be accomidated in her own classroom and have a curriculim tailored to her needs. This is one of the things your tax dollars pay for.

I served as president of a parent's chapter for ADD/ADHD and have seen many children progess to advanced classes and even GATES (Gifted And Talented Edcuation) classes with this diagnosis &/or behavior traits. A large percentage of children with ADD/ADHD are very bright.

This argument you have for a religious school has no merit based solely on your concern for your childs possible disability. Another FYI is a vital factor for these children is consistency and positive behavior modification techniques within the home(s). It's imperetive you and your X are on the same page to help your child adjust. Simple inconsistencies between households can throw your child off.

Read up and educate yourself on ADD. It's VITAL these children get additional socialization skills (not less by limiting their interraction with other children) in order for them to succeed to their optimal potential.

 

[nextwife]

Good post, Casa. Indeed a child who is having difficulties AND who is ADD should certtainly have an IEP, and get individualized attention for help with their learning deficits. My daughter has had an IEP since age three and we work closely with her team.

Certainly the FIRST step is an IEP and addressing any special needs through programs that the schools do have available. As a matter of fact, many public schools are BETTER prepared to assist with SNs than are the typical private schools. They just have more resources for that.

Also, the chemical imbalance in the brain that is ADD often does need to be dealt with chemically. MY ADD child has agreat deal of difficulty "attending" and concentrating when "off meds". Finding the correct ADD medication/dosage may be all that is needed. Also, placement within the room can make a difference. If it hasn't been done, audiological & visual testing is a must when a child is struggling. My child has transitory hearing deficits. So, last month she may have tested normal, three months later her hearing is depressed, which adds to her difficulties. So staying on top of other contributing factors is a must.