Joint Custody/Placement Changing School Even Though I Dont Agree or Consent. Advice?

[ShamaMama414]

What is the name of your state? Wisconsin

This is a a long story as all matters like this are so I will try to stick to basics as much as possible. I am posting the question at the top so you can read on if you have advice.

Just found out ex plans to enroll son in school in his district even though I have told him I flat out disagree and it will actually make my placement time near impossible. He is the one who moved away, I am still here in the same district my son has attended since k5. We had come to a decision that my son would be homeschooled by me for this year (8th grade) so he could get caught up and ready for high school. He has ADHD (severe) and is in SpecEd. The middle school enviorment was a nightmare for him last year. This is what my son wanted and we both agreed it was best. I never unenrolled him here since I was advised to wait until day of for less problems with school. Dad tells me a week ago he doesnt want him homeschooled he thinks its best for him to go to "school". I asked him to come and see what I was planning to use to work with him (I have spent at least $1500) and the home library I built full of ADHD friendly materials. After several calls from me he came over and looked (barely) for 15 minutes and refused to take the info I had for him from experts about this being best and left saying he'll think about it. I knew exactly what that meant. I told him if he wants him to go to "school" that he needs to return to the school he attended last year. I told him changing school without my consent was not a good choice and I would pursue this in court. Well today he informed me that tomorrow (1st day if school here) he was taking my son and enrolling him in the school out by his house! So I need to know what the best choice is here:

A) Try to block his attempt at doing this by contacting the school, faxing court papers stating we have joint custody and I do not want him enrolled there.

B) Do not try to block his effort so he goes through with an obvious violation of court order and file for an emergency hearing.

Or is there something I am overlooking that you can share?

My sons father and I have joint custody and placement with my son spending 1 week at a time with each of us. I have put up with a ton of crap over the years in order to keep things civil between us for the sake of my son. I even bought my home 3 blocks away from him 6 years ago so that my son could enjoy both of his parents in life on a daily basis. This worked well and my son was happy.

Just over two years ago my ex (never married) decided that he and his new wife were going to move and told me only after they had an accepted offer on a place 45 minutes away. I was furious because this was going to be a problem on many levels. He assured me that nothing would change and that he would drive my son to school here everyday and pick him up from my house after work so i could do homework with him. My son has a learning disability and a special eduation student. Dad does not have the patience for homework so I have always done it with him. I have always been the one to handle school issues. I am the one who dealt with all IEP meeting and issues relating to his LD. His dad has never been involved by choice. I really felt uneasy with the whole thing for many reasons, homework, sports, social life and how he would cope with the end of having mom or dad right there everyday.

This has been a mess almost from the beginning and he has screwed up many times making my son late for school and has started an all out campaign to win my son over but things just get worse and worse. My son is almost 14 now and he has a lot of anger towards his father but dad will not go to counseling with him. I am thinking since I have exhausted all efforts to get along and he clearly cant make good decisions for my son it's time for me to file for full custody. Even if placement remained relativly unchanged I would at least be able to make choices for my son that are in his best interest.

Sorry so long, I could go on and on. Any advice is much appreciated.

 

[Ohiogal]

Why didnt' you get the visitation changed when dad moved 45 minutes away if it was causing problems? Who is residential parent for school purposes?

 

[ShamaMama414]

i am the parent still residing in the school district but our custody papers dont specifically say either one of us. i did get it changed to state that we have a "shared placement schedule" one week with mom/one week with dad. it also states that he agrees since he is moving out of childs school district he agreed my son was to come to my house after school everyday for homework and that he would ensure he arrived at school on time and attend all extra curricular activities during his placement time.

We split time 50/50, no support money exchanged, expenses are supposed to be split, tax deduction is alternated years. i wanted to take this to court when he moved but he really got my son all upset about it with twisted information and it was tearing him up. so i decided to give up if he would at least sign the ameneded judgement papers so that i could be assured he would not pull exactly what he is right now. there have been many times its come close to court but it takes so damn long to get a hearing and get through the process all the while my son gets stuck listening to his dad demonize me and tell him horror stories of how i will never let him see him again. i found it to be the lesser of two evils to just try to work things out and remain "friendly" as much as possible knowing a trip to court would make him never be civil to me again and my son would be able to play both ends against the middle since we would have no commincation.

 

[Ohiogal]

i am the parent still residing in the school district but our custody papers dont specifically say either one of us. i did get it changed to state that we have a "shared placement schedule" one week with mom/one week with dad. it also states that he agrees since he is moving out of childs school district he agreed my son was to come to my house after school everyday for homework and that he would ensure he arrived at school on time and attend all extra curricular activities during his placement time.

And yet there is no statement as to who is the residential parent for school purposes. How exactly does the agreement of moving out of the school district read?

We split time 50/50, no support money exchanged, expenses are supposed to be split, tax deduction is alternated years. i wanted to take this to court when he moved but he really got my son all upset about it with twisted information and it was tearing him up. so i decided to give up if he would at least sign the ameneded judgement papers so that i could be assured he would not pull exactly what he is right now.

Did the amended judgment papers get signed by a judge?

there have been many times its come close to court but it takes so damn long to get a hearing and get through the process all the while my son gets stuck listening to his dad demonize me and tell him horror stories of how i will never let him see him again. i found it to be the lesser of two evils to just try to work things out and remain "friendly" as much as possible knowing a trip to court would make him never be civil to me again and my son would be able to play both ends against the middle since we would have no commincation.

Here is the thing -- you pulled the child out of school and made the decision to homeschool without the agreement of dad. And before you say you had an agreement, prove it. Prove that dad was great with you pulling kiddo out of the school district and homeschooling. Because apparently he is not. He shows that he was not by enrolling the child elsewhere. You decided that homeschooling would be the best thing to do and apparently dad does not agree. Now you want to re-enroll your child in your district. Yet he is already enrolled in dad's district. Courts like status quo but your decision is what hurts here. You ruined by status quo by unilaterally withdrawing your son.

 

[profmum]

Here is the thing -- you pulled the child out of school and made the decision to homeschool without the agreement of dad. And before you say you had an agreement, prove it.


This is the issue, you made a decision to homeschool and Dad did not approve or at least agree to in a legal sense, Dad then decided to enroll your son in his district that you do not agree to, so either you have some proof of Dad's agreement to homeschool or this becomes a contested issue, so the status quo, staying in his current school may be the only way to go till the issue is decided by the Courts or the two of you reach an agreement. If you cant agree, you need to file for a hearing, you could file an emergency hearing, since technically you did not disenroll your son from his current school but Dad did enroll him in another school without your consent. But in the interim, your son will probably be attending school in Dad;s district the week he has him anyways.

 

[LdiJ]

And yet there is no statement as to who is the residential parent for school purposes. How exactly does the agreement of moving out of the school district read?




Did the amended judgment papers get signed by a judge?



Here is the thing -- you pulled the child out of school and made the decision to homeschool without the agreement of dad. And before you say you had an agreement, prove it. Prove that dad was great with you pulling kiddo out of the school district and homeschooling. Because apparently he is not. He shows that he was not by enrolling the child elsewhere. You decided that homeschooling would be the best thing to do and apparently dad does not agree. Now you want to re-enroll your child in your district. Yet he is already enrolled in dad's district. Courts like status quo but your decision is what hurts here. You ruined by status quo by unilaterally withdrawing your son.

LG, she didn't unenroll the child. She planned to homeschool, she spent the money on homeschooling materials, but she didn't actually unenroll the child. (see her first post)

Therefore, dad is the one in the wrong.

OP you need to take this back to court for emergency orders stopping dad from enrolling the child in his district.