Joint Legal

[breezymom]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

Ok, so here's the deal:

Doc's appointment coming up and I can see him actually coming this time, so, given hx and the predictable unpredictability of Dad's behavior, how can I handle being alone in a small room with him and our little one? I can't exactly take the child and leave the doctor's office if there's a problem, which there most likely will be because he LOVES getting me alone and does not care if the child is present.

Do I leave the room with our child and go back to the waiting room until it's time for the doctor, maybe? How do I keep her out of the conflict in this situation. Many of you know my posting hx pretty well by now and probably understand the nervousness I have about this.

 

[kaizen]

What exactly is the legal question here?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

Ok, so here's the deal:

Doc's appointment coming up and I can see him actually coming this time, so, given hx and the predictable unpredictability of Dad's behavior, how can I handle being alone in a small room with him and our little one? I can't exactly take the child and leave the doctor's office if there's a problem, which there most likely will be because he LOVES getting me alone and does not care if the child is present.

Do I leave the room with our child and go back to the waiting room until it's time for the doctor, maybe? How do I keep her out of the conflict in this situation. Many of you know my posting hx pretty well by now and probably understand the nervousness I have about this.

Could you maybe call ahead of time and delicately explain the situation and ask that they (perhaps not obviously) just make sure a nurse/PA is with you before the doctor him/herself actually comes into the room?

They're not obliged to do so, but it might work?

 

[breezymom]

What exactly is the legal question here?

I will refrain from answering with a snarky reply. The legal question, and Pro seems to understand where I'm going with this, is:

What can I legally do to not keep Dad in the dark and keep our child OUT of the conflict that will occur behind closed doors.

 

[breezymom]

Could you maybe call ahead of time and delicately explain the situation and ask that they (perhaps not obviously) just make sure a nurse/PA is with you before the doctor him/herself actually comes into the room?

They're not obliged to do so, but it might work?

I was actually kind of thinking that and how to do that without presenting a bias towards Dad, but given history/pattern of behavior, I suppose, it would probably be understandable, in the least, of why I'm asking that. Thanks, Pro.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I would call the doctor's office and present the situation. They can ask that only one parent stay in the room until the doctor arrives or a nurse stay there keeping you company. See what option they give.

 

[breezymom]

I would call the doctor's office and present the situation. They can ask that only one parent stay in the room until the doctor arrives or a nurse stay there keeping you company. See what option they give.

Ok, so I called them. The answer I got was, "That's out of our realm. We stay out of those kinds of things," but she said my best bet is to ask the nurse to please leave the door open, as the rooms are right next to the doctor's office-room and the hall is highly-traveled, and if it gets out of hand, they would have to call in "help," which I assume means calling the police.

 

[Just Blue]

Ok, so I called them. The answer I got was, "That's out of our realm. We stay out of those kinds of things," but she said my best bet is to ask the nurse to please leave the door open, as the rooms are right next to the doctor's office-room and the hall is highly-traveled, and if it gets out of hand, they would have to call in "help," which I assume means calling the police.

Perhaps you could bring in a 3rd party, like a friend or relative? Just another person so Dad will not "act up"? Just a thought.

Good luck oh Breezy one.

Blue

 

[breezymom]

Perhaps you could bring in a 3rd party, like a friend or relative? Just another person so Dad will not "act up"? Just a thought.

Good luck oh Breezy one.

Blue

I actually thought about that, as did my DV counselor, but I also knew he'd blow a lid because of confidentiality reasons for lil one's healthcare. And thanks for the good luck. I have a feeling I'll need it. I just warned them we may have to leave if she is put in the middle of conflict so that I can keep her out.

 

[BL]

Remind them to please keep the door open while waiting.

You don't want to rock the boat as legally both parents with joint legal have equal rights .

Do they have security ?

If the situation were to get out of hand security could step in and if need be the police called.

 

[I'mTheFather]

Or, once you're led to the room, you can excuse yourself to use the washroom and wait in the hall until you see the nurse/doctor heading to your room.

 

[Ohiogal]

I actually thought about that, as did my DV counselor, but I also knew he'd blow a lid because of confidentiality reasons for lil one's healthcare. And thanks for the good luck. I have a feeling I'll need it. I just warned them we may have to leave if she is put in the middle of conflict so that I can keep her out.

You are allowed to choose to have someone with you. It is not violating confidentiality for a PARENT to bring someone into the room.

 

[Zigner]

Remind them to please keep the door open while waiting.

Agreed - the easiest way to avoid the problems that occur "behind closed doors" is to not close the door.

 

[breezymom]

There goes a load off my anxiety. He isn't coming. He just let me know about 20 minutes ago. He has a cold. Will chalk it up in case I need it next year.

 

[tuffbrk]

Woohoo! Nothing like a little news like that to brighten your day! Sometimes it's the simple things!