Keep a Log or Address the Issue?

[Frustrated_one]

What is the name of your state? Virginia

One of my daughters has told me that her father hit her and pushed her into the wall the last time she visited. The child is 3 years old. At first I was angry but did not address the issue with my ex because I did not want him to lash out at her on another visit.

He lives in another state but plans on picking the kids up for the holidays. Now she tells me this same exact story again about her father hitting her into the wall while angry.

I'm not sure how I should handle the situation. I know he does have a bad temper but when we went through our custody hearing he made child abuse accusations against me which the court dismissed because there was lack of proof and I had a restraining order against him at one point when we were together.

He even had one of his other children lie to their mother that I abused them just so she would not file charges against him for back support, kidnapping, etc. The child will not tell that my ex abused him because he is scared that he will not visit him anymore. Now their mother hates me when he used to do the same thing to that child that now my daughter is telling me he does to her.

So my concern is that with his previous accusations that he made against me even though they were dismissed I am concerned that he would take it out on our daughter or make up more lies trying to gain custody because he's very vindictative.

Any suggestions on how to handle this?

 

[BL]

What is the name of your state? Virginia

One of my daughters has told me that her father hit her and pushed her into the wall the last time she visited. The child is 3 years old. At first I was angry but did not address the issue with my ex because I did not want him to lash out at her on another visit.

He lives in another state but plans on picking the kids up for the holidays. Now she tells me this same exact story again about her father hitting her into the wall while angry.

I'm not sure how I should handle the situation. I know he does have a bad temper but when we went through our custody hearing he made child abuse accusations against me which the court dismissed because there was lack of proof and I had a restraining order against him at one point when we were together.

He even had one of his other children lie to their mother that I abused them just so she would not file charges against him for back support, kidnapping, etc. The child will not tell that my ex abused him because he is scared that he will not visit him anymore. Now their mother hates me when he used to do the same thing to that child that now my daughter is telling me he does to her.

So my concern is that with his previous accusations that he made against me even though they were dismissed I am concerned that he would take it out on our daughter or make up more lies trying to gain custody because he's very vindictative.

Any suggestions on how to handle this?

I would keep a log .

Unless , you ck. for bruises , Etc. and they seem related to what the 3 yr. old tells you.
Then have Her ck'd / documented at a Hosp. ASAP upon the child's return .

Does the child tell you this without you in anyway asking directly if anything happened ?

How does She explain Hitting ?

How does She explain Pushing ?

These are kinda vague Statements , unless She has physical Aliments directly relating to the Statements .

Plus I would without a doubt have an Adult discussion about the issue .

 

[LdiJ]

You also might want to consider play therapy for your child. A therapist can help determine whether or not there is really a problem, and if there is a problem the testimony of the therapist can be of great value in court.

 

[Frustrated_one]

I would keep a log .

Unless , you ck. for bruises , Etc. and they seem related to what the 3 yr. old tells you.
Then have Her ck'd / documented at a Hosp. ASAP upon the child's return .

Does the child tell you this without you in anyway asking directly if anything happened ?

How does She explain Hitting ?

How does She explain Pushing ?

These are kinda vague Statements , unless She has physical Aliments directly relating to the Statements .

Plus I would without a doubt have an Adult discussion about the issue .

I've never asked because I wasn't expecting him to hit a 3 yr old girl. The other child was much older not a toddler. I lay on the bed with my kids at night just talking about our day and she brought it up out of the blue.

I was in shock and asked her what she meant. She said "Daddy spank me and my head hit the wall like this" and got up and banged her head on the wall. I asked her what happened. She told me she that her dad kept telling her to go to sleep but she wanted to play in her room.

I hear this story at least once a week without any prompting. Children sometimes say things that may not be true but the story is consistent each time. Even when I said "maybe Daddy was playing with you", she tells me "no, he was mad".

Her emotions went from not wanting to visit him again back to excited to see him (normal emotions for a child her age). I don't interfere with their relationship but as her mother want to protect her. At the same time, I don't want any retaliation from him.

 

[Frustrated_one]

You also might want to consider play therapy for your child. A therapist can help determine whether or not there is really a problem, and if there is a problem the testimony of the therapist can be of great value in court.

Because I stay neutral when I talk with her I have no doubt that if something occurs on this visit she will be open and let me know. If there are any additional problems, I will seek a therapist offering play therapy. Thanks for the suggestion.