Kentucky Divorce Question

[Rachel12]

What is the name of your state?Ky

Hello, I am currently a stay at home mother of a four year old. My husband is the one that works and has a decent job. Recently, he has decided that instead of working things out, he would rather file for divorce because his two girlfriends have asked him to do this and his family is ok with it. I have not been able to get a job due to the hours that he works and the fact that our only car is used to take him back and forth from work. As scared as I am and want this to work out and try to fix my marriage, I am a realist. What am I looking at here? I understand that I need to get a job and find child care, but he is blatant in the fact that he wants nothing to do with the child and has questioned that she is even his before. She is his as I have never taken another man in the entire time that we have been married. He states that we have no debt, yet we are close to eviction in our house, behind on all of our utility bills and all he does is buy new things instead of paying those bills. What can I do in this situation? I am unsure if I can go back and live with my parents. I do not have any close friends that I can stay with at this time. And we cannot afford a divorce to be honest as I have a feeling that this will not be uncontested as I do plan to bring up the adultery as well as a few other things.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state?Ky

Hello, I am currently a stay at home mother of a four year old. My husband is the one that works and has a decent job. Recently, he has decided that instead of working things out, he would rather file for divorce because his two girlfriends have asked him to do this and his family is ok with it. I have not been able to get a job due to the hours that he works and the fact that our only car is used to take him back and forth from work. As scared as I am and want this to work out and try to fix my marriage, I am a realist. What am I looking at here? I understand that I need to get a job and find child care, but he is blatant in the fact that he wants nothing to do with the child and has questioned that she is even his before. She is his as I have never taken another man in the entire time that we have been married. He states that we have no debt, yet we are close to eviction in our house, behind on all of our utility bills and all he does is buy new things instead of paying those bills. What can I do in this situation? I am unsure if I can go back and live with my parents. I do not have any close friends that I can stay with at this time. And we cannot afford a divorce to be honest as I have a feeling that this will not be uncontested as I do plan to bring up the adultery as well as a few other things.

How long have you been married? What are your job skills? How much does STBX earn?

ETA; Per your posting history you were advised what to do almost a year ago. Did you do ANY of the things advised?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?Ky

Hello, I am currently a stay at home mother of a four year old. My husband is the one that works and has a decent job. Recently, he has decided that instead of working things out, he would rather file for divorce because his two girlfriends have asked him to do this and his family is ok with it. I have not been able to get a job due to the hours that he works and the fact that our only car is used to take him back and forth from work. As scared as I am and want this to work out and try to fix my marriage, I am a realist. What am I looking at here? I understand that I need to get a job and find child care, but he is blatant in the fact that he wants nothing to do with the child and has questioned that she is even his before. She is his as I have never taken another man in the entire time that we have been married. He states that we have no debt, yet we are close to eviction in our house, behind on all of our utility bills and all he does is buy new things instead of paying those bills. What can I do in this situation? I am unsure if I can go back and live with my parents. I do not have any close friends that I can stay with at this time. And we cannot afford a divorce to be honest as I have a feeling that this will not be uncontested as I do plan to bring up the adultery as well as a few other things.

How far away do your parents live? If its not too far you really should try to move in with them temporarily until you can get on your feet. It doesn't sound like there is any hope of saving your marriage. Not when he has multiple girlfriends.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Posting hx

Your 4 year old should be able to start preschool soon. You have ben married for ~6 years. I stand by the advice I gave you last August.

My advice regarding your current post: chill and read about Kentucky divorce.

Kentucky is a no-fault state, so it doesn't matter that he's committing adultery, so long as you put up with it, and he doesn't file.

Adultery is not grounds for divorce in Kentucky.

Adultery *might* be taken into consideration in determining alimony. But that's at the judge's discretion.

Conclusion: *You* focusing on adultery, just on moral grounds, does not help you.

Fact: your child is a product of the marriage. Therefore, the child is legally your husband's child. He can try to contest paternity, but he is not going to be successful in any attempt to disestablish paternity. So don't worry about that. Any attempt your husband makes to legally disestablish paternity is going to reflect upon *him* and only him. (Even if Greek mythology were real, and Zeus took on your husband's form to impregnate you, in Kentucky it would not be considered in the best interest of the child to disestablish paternity at age 4. And who knows what demigod DNA does to DNA tests.) Your husband is going to have to support his child. He can fight tooth and nail, but there will be a court order for child support. I suggest that you request that you have the child support handled by your state's child enforcement bureau. He will be entitled to parenting time, but he can choose not to exercise it.

Again, if your husband questions paternity in court, there will be egg on his face, not yours... Assuming you stay calm and exude credibility.

Also, start tracking the money and expenditures. If he's spending money on himself and his girlfriends, but not paying the mortgage or utility bills, there's a phrase for this... Wasteful dissipation of marital assets. But, you have to be able to prove these things.

 

[HRZ]

Consider getting another car, day care , and a job...

 

[Rachel12]

We had went to counseling as he swore that he wanted to work it out and then he stopped wanting to pay for these sessions once he started working third shift. He makes about $2000 a month and while it is not much, it does seen to vanish quickly. I have been keeping an eye on the finances and he only pulls out from the ATM or the bank so while I have a record there, I have no actual idea where the money is headed, with the only exception being he has purchased several computer games lately. Finances are not stable enough to afford another car or day care or I would have gone down that road instantly.

He is the one that is more focused on the other relationships as now he has taken to hiding his things from me and talking to his friends and family about a divorce rather than sitting down like the adult that he says that he is and talking about it. Yes, the child is the product of marriage, but he wants nothing to do with her, even on a normal daily basis. I have taken into consideration all the advice that I got last year and I did go from there. He chose counseling at the time and then refused it when the time came. I am willing to sit down and talk with him, but I cannot live like this anymore.

 

[not2cleverRed]

He is the one that is more focused on the other relationships as now he has taken to hiding his things from me and talking to his friends and family about a divorce rather than sitting down like the adult that he says that he is and talking about it. Yes, the child is the product of marriage, but he wants nothing to do with her, even on a normal daily basis. I have taken into consideration all the advice that I got last year and I did go from there. He chose counseling at the time and then refused it when the time came. I am willing to sit down and talk with him, but I cannot live like this anymore.

That is his choice, and ultimately his loss as well. You can not make a person be a good parent. He will, however, be court ordered to financially support his child, no matter how much he kicks and screams. Do not accept a dime less than state guidelines dictate.

Are you allotted a sum for grocery/household shopping? Are you allowed to shop alone?

P.S. Consider getting your daughter counselling at some point. She deserves to know in her heart that she is worthy of love, and her father's rejection of her is because he is lacking as a human.